Roots, Resilience, And Faith with Aizaz

We trace a family’s journey from arranged marriage and migration to near-miss tragedy, financial hardship, and the quiet choices that kept school, faith, and love intact. We reflect on resilience, grace, and what it means to stand beside each other when life breaks

• arranged marriage origins and migration to Atlanta
• faith practices and cultural identity on Fridays
• forklift accident, months paralyzed, letters across oceans
• missed JFK connection that later crashed
• infertility struggles, thyroid diagnosis, births across years
• siblings, birth order dynamics, soft heart and strength
• homelessness in an office while school continued
• community kindness, Chinese restaurant support
• nonprofit spark from a lifetime of “angels”
• cancer, remission, recurrence, and forgiving the what-ifs
• graduation without a mother’s seat and choosing grace
• parenting, sacrifice, and redefining partnership

Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe to the YouTube channel. You can listen to this podcast on all audio platforms. Links in our Linktree to support the channel

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to my channel and welcome back into another episode of the Carlos Granados podcast. In this episode, we have a guest coming back on the show to discuss his life and his journey. But in the meantime, before we get started, I want to thank you guys for always supporting my channel, for liking, commenting, subscribing. Don't forget that you can watch this video in 4K on YouTube. And also you can listen to this podcast in all the audio platforms that you can think of. I want to thank you guys for the major love that you always showing me. I continue to bring you new topics of discussion, um, new guests. Um, also, hopefully, you guys are enjoying um soon what I'm gonna bring to you and different professionals as well. So, but without further ado, Izaz, welcome to my channel again, brother.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Hey man, how you doing?

SPEAKER_03 0:56

How you doing, man?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

I'm doing good. I think one last time I was here was a couple of years ago, I think. We were talking about my aviation journey and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

And you know that did really well on the YouTube channel.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

I saw that. Believe it or not, I had so a lot of the I volunteered for a lot of different organizations, and one of the parents of the organization was like, Hey, my kid actually came up to me, was like, Hey, I think I think we saw his Oz like on Instagram. Like that was that him and was that you? I was like, Yeah, I was shocked. I was like, Man, social media, right?

Faith, Culture, And Friday Prayers

SPEAKER_03 1:25

The power of social media, man. When I was looking at the clips and um and how well they were doing, I was like, several thousand views, and I was like, dang, people are really interested in these topics, you know what I mean? And this is why I love bringing um uh different people and their professionals, professions and talking about different topics of discussions, because I feel like people get to learn a little bit of everything, and I got to learn a lot from that episode from you, man. But today, we're not here to discuss your career, um, and what you got into. We we're here to discuss your beginnings and your beginnings of life, bro. And I know you wanted to share that on my channel, so I'm gonna give you the platform and take it over.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

All right, man. Well, first, first of all, I want to address what you know, the outfit that I'm wearing. Because I know you were you were a little intrigued when I came up here. So basically, you know, like so. I'm Muslim on Fridays. We have our essentially church days. And so it's kind of like when on Sunday, you know, if some of the Christians will go to church to wear, like they'd be wearing a suit. This would be that equivalent. Right. So I just like to wear it. And plus, it's pretty comfortable too.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

So it looks cool. This is the first I think I told you this when you got here. This is one of the first times I've seen like one this clothes. Oh, yeah, in person, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

It's called uh in it's so it's a cultural outfit, not necessarily religious outfit. Because the religious outfit would be uh a little different. It's called a like for men it's called a thob, but it's more of a cultural one, but it's still acceptable because it's you know.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

Oh, so it's a culture thing.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah, this this outfit. But there are similar ones that are religious. It's just I grew up in the culture which is tied to the Islam as well.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

Um, you explained to me how that works on Sundays, I mean on Fridays for you guys. You say you do it five times a day, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:04

And so basically, you know, on Fridays we have a noon prayer, and that's when the sermon is. So we do the sermon and then we do a prayer, and then you know, people you know go back to work and continue with their day. Yeah, awesome, man. So it's kind of like a nice lunch break for the brain for the brain.

SPEAKER_03 3:21

That's cool, man.

Parents’ Arranged Marriage & Origins

SPEAKER_00 3:22

But so kind of like how I got here. I know we've known each other for a long time, but I don't ever high school days, bro. Yeah, high school days. Never really shared where I necessarily came from. So I'll just start with my parents, right? Yep. So my parents, it was arranged marriage, right? They've been, you know, knock on wood, they've been married almost 40 years now. Forty? 40 years. Wow. And I joke it's because my mom like goes to Pakistan every few years, and this just makes the hard girl founder.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

Wait, wait, so so you're you're both of your parents are uh from Pakistan.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Yes, gotcha. So uh, you know, my dad was uh because my dad was in the US Air Force, so he was actually raised here uh most of his life, or about the second half of his life, and then my mom grew up in Pakistan and uh they had an arranged marriage, the parents kind of lined it up and they met each other and they were kind of on board, and so that was uh interesting when I found out about that.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Listen, I I I found I when you told me that I thought it was interesting. How does um I got a little bit of the gist of how arranged marriages work, but is there something that families give to each other or who approaches who? Are you uh aware of how that works?

SPEAKER_00 4:30

So I don't know how it happened in their case. I do know that the parents met and they were like, all right, you know, we you know, we have and I have a son, I have a daughter, let's see if they like each other, let's, you know, that they're let's plan the marriage. You know, my son is you know former Air Force or is in the air for or is in the Air Force, and uh it was funny. My mom sometimes jokes that man, like I had so many, you know, marriage proposals and I picked your dad. But it's kind of cute. It's like they still have that like little cute fights, little like cute little things after this many years of marriage. I'm like, it's kind of still cute to see that.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Wow, man, and the fact that they're married for 40 years, like you know, that concept is definitely foreign to me because you know, in all culture we don't practice that, but you know, they still work their way around sometimes when there's families and family. You get what I'm saying? I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, so wow, that's interesting, man. But go ahead and continue.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

So they they met, and uh, I'll fast forward a little bit, or actually, I'll actually skip this part. So you know how the joke, you know, the brown people time. So in Pakistan, it's literally like there is everybody's kind of lax, and it's it's just a nice, easygoing uh country at the time, right? And my dad, I think he was his flight was delayed or something, and this is a military man, right? So he's trying to get there, he's rushing, he's like two hours late to his own wedding. Dang, he gets there, and they still are setting up.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Oh, so here's vibing. He already knew the time, he knew he was gonna be ready.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

But he was just like, well, because he didn't know that though. Right. Because he grew up in you know he grew up military, and the military, as you know, that time is like very, very concrete. Yep. So that was kind of funny when he told me that it was just kind of funny. I laughed about it.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

That's good.

Forklift Accident And Four Months Paralyzed

SPEAKER_00 6:10

But uh they met and then, like, we'll fast forward to you know, after they got married, you know, my dad came back and did the proper paperwork for my mom to come to the country. And what was interesting was oh, I say interesting, it was kind of sad at the same time, but uh my family used to have textile factories. So when my dad came back here, while they were waiting on the immigration paperwork to come through, or like I guess it would be the marriage visa because they got married overseas, um, he was giving a tour of a fac of one of the factories to some people, and somebody that was driving the forklift turned like the sound off.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Oh, that's not good.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

And so he couldn't hear the forklift coming. The forklift driver didn't see him and hit him in the back of I think it was like part of the vertebrae.

SPEAKER_03 6:51

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

So my dad was quadriplegic for almost four months.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

Wow. Yeah, so it knocked him unconscious.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Yeah. I mean, he was he was conscious in those four months when he was in the hospital and stuff. Right. He didn't he couldn't move any of his limbs.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

Dang, so he was oh man. Yeah, it was Did he recover from that after four months?

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yeah. Wow, I can I I actually I can what I can add is, and I don't know too many details, but I do know is my dad actually used to have polio as a child. Oh that's how he ended up in the US Air Force instead of the Pakistani Air Force.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Wait, so how do why does polio make a difference? Can you medical record?

SPEAKER_00 7:29

So even though he was cured, right, the medical record still showed, but the beautiful thing when he came to the US was he was already a pilot. Like he'd already been a pilot before he joined the Air Force. Gotcha. So the Air Force was like, hey, we need you, we don't care. Right. You're fine now, you're a pilot, we're gonna take you.

SPEAKER_03 7:44

You're good.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

So he went straight officer.

SPEAKER_03 7:46

Well, what time was this? Uh 80s, 90s?

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Uh, I want to say eight, yeah, I gotta, I don't remember exact time. Gotcha, okay. But around that time, yeah. Right. So it was it wasn't it wasn't during wartime. Okay. But um, so yeah, he had polio as a child, and then you know, fast forward he ends up quadriplegic. Wow, man. And I remember my mom telling me that, you know, she this was before text messages, even before Yahoo Messenger, right? She's writing him letters, not getting a response, and wondering, he's like, Oh my god, like what we just got married, and now I'm not getting a response to his letters, he's not talking to me, what is going on? And I asked my dad, I was like, Why don't you have any of like because he had one or he has a he had a friend of his that was taking care of him in the hospital. And uh to this day they still know each other, which is amazing. Wow. And he was like, Well, I didn't want my friends to be reading my wife's word. Like, if they're if she's writing me something, I don't know what's in there. Why I'm not gonna ex, you know, uh, what's the word? Invade that privacy. Right. Right. I don't want to do that to the woman I just married. So he didn't have anybody read him. Now he read them afterwards when he was okay again. But she's in Pakistan worried, right? Imagine you being in your early twenties as a woman, you just got married to someone somebody's not responding back who was raised in the US. But just think about all the things people are saying about oh, the man did this, and you know, you you made a wrong decision, you shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't. Like, she's having to fight those thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

And her dad, like my grandfather, he passed away a few years ago, but uh her dad actually told her he's like, listen, I know him, I know his character. If he's not responding, there must be something. Don't lose faith, don't lose hope.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

That's a good woman. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Like, and to have a father-in-law like that, I'm sure my dad lecked out. Yeah. So, you know, she's worried and everything, and then eventually, you know, he gets he's okay, and uh afterwards and they talk, and then she feels obviously they uh she understands oh, you know, you're quadratic, you can't do anything.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

So eventually all the immigration stuff works out, and my mom is on her way back to on her way to Atlanta. So uh before they didn't really have direct flights from Pakistan to the US or to Atlanta, so there was a layover typically in New York. So my dad flew from Atlanta to New York to meet her during the layover, and then they would both catch a flight coming back down to Atlanta. So like she would come from Pakistan, she had a layover in New York. My dad flew to New York so they could meet, because this is her first time flying on an airline, this is the first time she's come into the US, like going out of her country, you know, so forth and so on. They ended up getting lost. Or my mom ended up getting lost in the airport. In the airport. Yeah, because she's never been in airport. She ended up getting lost. And there was another gentleman, and I can't remember his name, but there was another gentleman that uh sh uh helped her like uh basically navigate and kind of be like, okay, it's it's like let's find your husband, you know, I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Again, I can't emphasize this enough. This is before cell phones, this is before you could just pick up a phone and be like, Oh, I'm at terminal so-and-so.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Yeah, did your mom speak any English at that time?

SPEAKER_00 10:43

She did, because she studied like in in the schools in Pakistan, they couldn't taught English. That's good though.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

That's such a plus. So she she at least was able to ask questions.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yeah, she was still able to ask questions, but again, imagine you know, a 20-year-old girl, like I think she was in her early 20s.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

20 year old girl, right? Got married, out of the country, and my mom my mom like doesn't mess around, so she was she could handle herself, but still, I mean it's nerve-wracking. Come on, right. So, anyway, they eventually link up, but they miss their connecting flight.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Oh, dang.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

The connecting flight ended up crashing.

Immigration, Lost In JFK, And The Missed Flight

SPEAKER_03 11:15

No. What?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

Say psych right now. Are you serious?

SPEAKER_00 11:23

I'm dead serious.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

Wait, what happened to the flight?

SPEAKER_00 11:26

It I I don't know the exact details, but I do know because my parents didn't remember the exact details of what happened to the flight. They just know the flight ended up crashing.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Oh no. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Because my mom, my dad actually had to cut tell my mom, hey, it's okay, we just missed a flight, we'll catch another one. Because she was feeling guilty. She's like, Oh my god, because of me, we missed the flight. Now what are we gonna do? All these things. Yeah, and my dad actually helped like calm her down. He's like, no, listen, like everything's fine, things happen, it's fine, we'll just catch the next one. This was before they knew it crashed, obviously.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

Dude, what a feeling that must be after. What'd your dad think from your recollection?

SPEAKER_00 11:59

I mean, he's always been deep rooted in his faith. So he's always, you know, everything happens for a reason. And so obviously he didn't know the flight was gonna crash. Right. He just knew everything happens for a reason. And his focus was keeping my mom calm. Right. Because he, you know, you know, and I'm sure you know this just like anybody else. If one person's panicking and another person starts freaking out, it's not gonna help the situation.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

So I wonder if the feeling afterwards flying back, if that was, you know, scary.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I didn't even think to ask him that. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Yeah, because now you just got on one and now it's going the same route again.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

Right. That's uh I didn't I'm gonna have to ask them that.

SPEAKER_03 12:36

Yeah, you should.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Maybe they went on a different airline, who knows?

SPEAKER_03 12:39

And next time and next time you come back, you know, you just just let me know how that turned out. Have a conversation with pops.

SPEAKER_00 12:45

Yeah, I I never thought to ask him that. I'm gonna have to ask him that.

SPEAKER_03 12:48

Yeah, man, because you know, when when things happen, you know, and you feel like they could happen again, you kind of change up the plans and you kind of get you know deviated from that.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

And now that now that you mentioned that, I definitely know a couple people that would definitely not have gotten on the plane. They're right, we're driving, we're not flying.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

Right? Um whatever it's on the ground, train, bus, but we're not flying.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

That's crazy. And I think maybe one of the things also that helped is like I said, my dad was a pilot. I was gonna mention that right now. I was like, well, your dad was a pilot, so he probably understood he probably understood that you know things happen, and you know, it's just death is a part of life. Sad I I say that casually, but you know, I don't mean that. It's true though.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

It's true, though. Yeah, it's it's it's very true. You as uh being a pilot yourself, do you uh how would you feel about that? You will feel the same as your dad?

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Do you feel like that would be just uh I'm I'm the type of person where it's really hard to look from an outside perspective on certain things, especially something like that, where you have to go through it. You know, it's one of those things where I'm like, okay, I might have an idea of what it's like to have a kid, but until I have my own kid, I can't I don't feel right saying, Oh, that's what it's like to have a kid.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Right. That's fair enough. You know, fair point like that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

And it's similar to, you know, we talk about military branches too. I know what it feels like to be in the air force. Yeah, sure, we make fun of each other, like the different branches. That's right. I still respect what all the other members do. Yeah. Because I'm not in their shoes and I hear about their stories. I'm like, I'm thank god I'm in the Air Force. I feel you that I I get what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. So um, so anyway, that so they got that, and like I'm gonna jump forward a little bit more to so after that, I think the next thing was oh yeah. So my parents had me seven years after they got married.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Now that wasn't intentional. So, like, if you took a look at all my cousins and everything, on pretty much my my dad's side, they're all married, they have their own kids. Some of them have kids, their own kids, like the kids have kids, some of them. And so growing up, right, I was always the youngest of the cousins, and you know, me and my siblings, we were the youngest of the cousins. And again, until I got older, I didn't really know why. But we would talk and found out that my parents were actually trying to conceive for years.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

And my mom went through a couple miscarriages.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

Oh, dang.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

And, you know, even then rumors, you know, people talk and they were like, Oh, you know, me, you know, he's impotent, or you know, he's he's all used up because he grew up in America, and it's just like the the stories that they told me. I was like, How did you guys survive that?

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Dude, I didn't think about how people will look at that, you know? Because you grew up in America, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Yeah, it's like, well, because you know, it's overseas. It's like, oh, America is the land of opportunity, which it is, but it's so removed from certain cultures that the stigma, and now it's changed, obviously. Now it's a lot better because you have social media and whatnot. But then there was just this ideology that, oh, you go to America if it's if you're not rooted in your culture or your faith, then you're gonna go off the wrong path.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

Yeah, and plus you kind of only knew what whatever news fed you.

unknown 15:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Exactly. Now it's a lot different, right? Right. So there were all these rumors getting started. My dad, you know, people accused him of being homosexual. Like it was just insane. That's wild. Yeah, it was bad.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

Okay, those are crazy cums.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

But they but they still made it through that. And uh eventually the we were at a um or not, we they were at a family gathering.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

You were in there somewhere in their genes, bro.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

They were at a family gathering, and one of the doctors in the family, you know, big shocker, there's doctors in the brown community.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

Uh what you know the depressive though. We don't see those often in our end, to be honest.

Conception Struggles And Thyroid Diagnosis

SPEAKER_00 16:28

So but uh there was a couple, there was a doctor, and he was like, you know what? I you're you're talking about your symptoms. Come see me in the office. I'm just gonna run some basic tests. Uh-huh. And so I ran some basic tests, and turns out she had an undiagnosed thyroid condition. Wow. Which was causing the reproductive issues that they didn't know.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

And that's the reason she was miscarried.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

That's why she wasn't able to conceive. That's why it was, I mean, and it was just it was. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 16:53

Crazy how thyro can cause that, right? Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

To be honest, when my mom first told me that, I didn't know if I believed it because they're like, Yeah, they're just gonna put me on pills and stuff, and it was fine. There's a medication. And I was like, Really? I I didn't know if I like necessarily believed it, but then as I got older, because this was like when I was in like late middle school, early high school, like ninth, tenth grade, we're talking about this, things are just coming up, and then I was like, Oh wow, just a small little thing that one like medicine allowed her to have kids again.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

That's crazy. So she was is fixing her thyroidism essentially.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Yeah, because she had hyper hyperthyroidism.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Thank God for medicine.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Right? When used appropriately. Yeah, when used appropriately. Right, because they're still drugs, in my opinion. But you know, anyway. Uh so and and here's the crazy part. They were actually on their way to to uh choose the ki uh a k a boy to adopt when they found out she was pregnant with me. They had all they had gone through all the paperwork, they had gone through everything.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Oh dude.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

And they were on their way to meet with because I think when you're adopting, they you know match you with kids and see if they're if it clicks or not. So they were on their way to that initial meeting with the kids. Right. And then they found out they were pregnant. And I don't remember exactly the conversation they had on whether it was okay, do we still want to move forward with this or do we want to just not adopt? Because again, at the time they hadn't met with any of the kids. Right. So it's not like kids were like, oh, getting happy that oh, we're meeting with these specific people. Right. So they found out they were pregnant, and I joke with them. I was like, you know, I'm the oldest. So I was like, you know, I'm I'm so happy you didn't adopt because then I didn't have I wouldn't want to be the I would not be the oldest.

SPEAKER_03 18:30

Yeah, you wouldn't have been, you wouldn't have been the oldest. And you have another sibling, which is your brother. Do you have any more?

SPEAKER_00 18:36

I have a younger sister, okay, and then I have a younger brother.

SPEAKER_03 18:38

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

So we'll get into my brother.

SPEAKER_03 18:41

Four of them.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Three.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Four. Oh, you have a younger sister, then a younger brother. So the younger brother is the youngest, youngest, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

He's the spoiled one. Anybody that's out there that's the oldest or the middle will side with me on that.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

But to be honest, we go through, we are the the guinea pigs of parents. Oh, we are, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Yeah, my brother will get away with stuff, and I'm like, that you didn't let us get away with it.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

I wonder what that is, why they soften up afterwards. Like, they're so hard on you as an older child, and for younger brothers, they they let a lot slip. But I'm like, is it because they are not verbally admitting, but they are admitting that maybe it was too harsh, you know, growing up for the first one that the second, the second or third one get a little bit less um repercussions for their actions, you know what I mean, or being less strict. I wonder what that is. So let's maybe until we become we become parents real now.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Yeah, we can unpack that a little bit. So here's my theory. I I'm not a parent, so it's I can't actually say, but I've I have a lot of interaction with children, I've uh done a lot of youth mentoring, I'm a substitute teacher with a county and everything. So my theory on that is you know, when parents first become parents, they don't have experience being parents before. Right. Right? So they're learning just as much as we're learning. And as they raise us, they're realizing, all right, we made some mistakes here, maybe we don't need to make those mistakes. Because there's like a seven-year age gap between me and my brother.

unknown 20:06

Okay.

Siblings, Birth Order, And Growing Up

SPEAKER_00 20:07

So because of that age gap, right, it's oh well, maybe we you know, maybe we were too harsh. Or like we didn't we're learning too, right? I was talking to some point. I was talking to a kid, a couple kids actually, a few a few months ago, I think, or maybe last year, and they were talking about, you know, my parents said this, my parents said that. I was like, listen, this is also your parents' first time being a parent. They've never raised anybody else before. You are literally a product of their love. Right. Right. And you gotta give them some grace. Just be patient. It sucks. Especially as kids, you're like, oh, well, the parents are supposed to be the pa patient ones. We're the ones that are supposed to be getting giving the grace. It it's not the other way around. Yeah. But I'm seeing that nowadays, especially with all the you know social media that's out there, kids are growing up a lot faster than they used to. And so that's where we need to give the parents a little bit of grace. Again, nobody's perfect, but you still respect 'em.

SPEAKER_03 21:01

That's a fair point. That's a fair point because it is their first time. You know, as a kid, it is hard to understand. That but I think as you're growing older, you you you can try to sympathize with that a little more. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Like I was uh substituting at a uh high school the a couple, no, maybe three weeks ago or something. And I was talking to the kids, it was like an elective class, and uh they were like, Oh, so how do you get involved in substituting or how did you do it? I was like, you know, you you gotta have at least a sophomore in college, and at least with this particular county, right? You gotta be a sophomore in college and so forth and so on. And you know, I enjoy mentoring children and kids and just just what is it, uh parting wisdom, right? Because I want people to learn from my mistakes, and I learn from others, right? Right. And she looks at me literally, and I'm just gonna I'm gonna like imitate her as best as I can. She's like, You enjoy this? And I was just like the her reaction was so funny. I was like, Yes, I do. Because that takes me to another point, and now we're digressing a little bit, I'll bring back I'll come back to Initial, but I was substituting for a kindergarten class, right? And I was reading it was book story time. So I'm I picked a book a random book and I'm reading it to the class. And you got a bunch of five-year-olds sitting. And I'm reading a children's book about this. It was a rabbit or a I think it was a bunny or a rabbit. Are those the same thing?

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Uh what I I I can picture what you're saying though.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yeah, basically you have the ears on the top. So anyway, excuse me. I I studied business, not anthropology, or you know.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Wait, is there a difference?

SPEAKER_00 22:29

I don't know. I don't a bunny rabbit. I think I thought that it was a I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 22:35

Hey, Bugs Bunny.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

He has is he a rabbit though?

SPEAKER_03 22:40

He's a bunny.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

Bunny rabbit? Okay. Go ahead. We'll have to fact check that.

SPEAKER_03 22:44

No, you're not comment section. Please let us know.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Yes, please let us know if there's a difference between bunny and rabbit. Go ahead, go ahead. But read this story about this uh no, this rabbit who's like in elementary school basically, and she just constantly worries. And she's like, Oh, well, you know, I'm I'm having a birthday party coming up. I don't know if a lot of people are gonna come, you know, because there's another party, and I'm on the same day. And her parents are like, it's okay, just be calm, be chill. And then her birthday, the birthday comes, and then a lot of people start showing up, and she's happy for like a brief second, and then she's worried, oh, there's not gonna be enough cake. And so it was just a constant worry, and I was like, Oh my god, I'm learning from that. You can't constantly go through life worrying, you gotta be able to look at the positives.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

I've been um a victim of that of worrying, of fearful thoughts and and you know, anxious thoughts and stuff like that. Some from trauma, and some, you know, when the enemy attacks you in certain ways, he knows your weaknesses and you know keeps going. So I to be honest, I probably would have been relatable to me as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Yeah, and I'm like internal, obviously I didn't tell the kids that, but inside I'm like, am I really learning from a children's book right now? I'm 30. So it was kind of eye-opening, and that's what I enjoy. Like when you interact with kids, and that's what I think some some people I don't want to say all, but there are some people out there that forget that you can still learn from kids.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

That's facts, no printer.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Because you can they have a different worldview, they still see the world through a certain set of lenses, and as you get older, our lenses kind of get foggy and cloudy. We start forming our opinions, we get our biases, you know. Sometimes we prejudge without even realizing we're pre-judging, right? Right? And kids don't have that. So if we pay attention and just sometimes listen to kids, I'm not saying kids know it all. Sometimes they still say crazy things. I had one first grader and he knew what he was doing, what he was asking was wrong, but I was a few pounds heavier. He raises his hand in the front of the whole class and says, Mr. Shake, why are you fat?

unknown 24:59

I'm like, Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

Sounds like a kid.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

And he said it with a smile on his face, so he knew he wasn't supposed to say that. Yeah, it wasn't like innocently asking.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Yeah, yeah. The little devil.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

And I was I was gonna just brush it off. Like I hadn't moved on, but there was a teacher, or I think an administrator that was passing by who was a little on the heavy side. She heard it and just he went to the assistant principal. And I don't know if he got ISS or something, because he had a problem with it before. Like he was always he was he caused trouble before.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

In school suspension, by the way, for everybody who's never something like that.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

So it was that was kind of in when he said that.

SPEAKER_03 25:36

But that that's wild. What was it? Um three people that tell the truth, uh, kids, angry peoples, and drunks. So oh yeah, angry people, kids, and drunks. Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 25:47

So um, where was I? Okay, going back to uh my birthright. Yep. So I get born and I was uh actually born in here in Georgia. So I'm a Georgia native, which is rare nowadays, I'm noticing. Like I said, there's a lot of transplants now.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

Yeah. So when that became a big, big deal, especially about 10, 15 years ago, people moving here. It's wild. Like, do you sorry to cut you off, but I don't know if you remember driving like you know, when you were like 16, 17, or 18 or something, and 85, you could smooth that down 85 pretty pretty well, you know. When I was when I was going to Georgia State University, I was going down 85 pretty straight, you know. It took me 45 minutes, you know, and it's a long commute, but all things considered, you got there in 45 minutes, like you kind of knew now.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Oh, geez, right? Even which peach, even with Peach Pass.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

Uh, dude, it's bad. Atlanta traffic has become, you know, the only one crazier that I feel like I've been part of, it's uh LA traffic. But I also heard Houston. Houston traffic, I heard was I've been to Houston.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Houston traffic.

SPEAKER_03 26:55

I heard it's bad, yeah. It's probably just major cities, you know, all major cities. But before Atlanta used to be decent, like you traveled a certain time, you knew what time uh it was gonna be freed up, you know what town's gonna be busy, but nothing crazy. Like you knew it, you had an idea. Now I have no idea, dude. That's actually funny.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

That's funny you say that because uh yesterday, I think I was scrolling on Facebook, right? And I see this reel. Somebody on Georgia followers, somebody uh yeah, I I guess I just gave them a shout-out. Somebody posted on there's like, man, and I thought like what happened to there being rush hour times. It was like I think one or two o'clock, and it was I think in the downtown Atlanta, they they're literally videotaping uh 85 and it's slammed. Like it's slammed, bro, all the time.

Mentoring Kids And Lessons From Classrooms

SPEAKER_03 27:41

It's it's but it's true all the time from 6 a.m. till uh probably 7, 8 p.m. is still packed. Yeah, before it was not the case, I had the math. Well, go ahead, man. Sorry about it.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Uh one more story about the the traffic. So we all know, you know, during COVID quarantine and everything that was happening. I was um I still don't know why real estate was considered essential work, but I guess because of the housing crisis, people were still buying houses. So we were considered essential. Oh, so I was able to between that and then the logistics company I was with, we were considered essential because I was with the trucking company as well. And so I was still out and about and stuff, and you know, some you know, taking precautions. But uh one of my buddies was traveling to somewhere on the west coast. He was traveling somewhere on the west coast, so I took him to the airport, and then after that, I was supposed to meet my buddy in Buford, so right by the mala, Georgia, right? I made it from Atlanta Airport to Beauford, Mala, Georgia on a Friday afternoon, like two or three o'clock, in 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 28:46

Wow, that's a W.

SPEAKER_00 28:48

And I was I think I was like averaging 65, 70 miles an hour. No, no HOV lane. Yeah. What was this? How long ago was this? During COVID, during the quarantine. Oh wow. Nobody was on the streets, dude. Nobody.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Those were the days.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

And I was like, that is the probably one of the only things I miss about COVID is the lack of traffic.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

I remember seeing pictures accomplish things. I I remember seeing pictures of the the the first two weeks, you know, when there was like a mandatory um stay in. I remember during COVID, the you there's pictures of like the highway like being clean. It's like uh a movie out of like uh an apocalypse or something. You know, it's just you've never seen that, which is crazy. It's wild that we were we're gonna tell our kids we lived through a uh pandemic. Oh, yeah, that's true. Pretty interesting.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

See what the history books see. Like I sometimes I wonder what the history like the social studies books look like now from compared to when we were in like elementary and middle school.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

That's right. They're probably updated now. They updated them like what every five years or something.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

I don't know that.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

Yeah, I don't remember how long they do it, but I know that by the time I got to college, when there was um uh I think social books, I don't know what kind of um sociology books that already had the Jersey Shore in there. And this is yeah, Jersey Shore came out in 2009. By 2012, they were already in like the socialist sociology books holiday. But it happens pretty fast, depending on who you ask. So yeah, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

So anyway, okay, getting back go ahead. Real back. So I, you know, I was finally, you know, I they they had me, and so my name is Oz. Actually means honor.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Yo, that's so cool. Did you say that on the last podcast? But I think I may have.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

I don't know. I can't remember.

SPEAKER_03 30:32

I that's dope, though.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

That's cool. So I asked my mom, I was like, okay, why? And she said, Well, you know, I after all these years, I finally got a kid, I finally have a son, I'm a mother now. So it has it was an honor to become a parent.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

So that's why she named me Azaz. Now that comes in handy in interviews all the time, so I like applaud my mom for doing that.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

Yeah, that's fire though. Shoot, I would be pointing it out too.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Yeah, and so that's actually a funny story. So, but the me and my siblings, uh, we have different middle names. So my siblings' middle names is my dad's first name, but my middle name is Shabazz. What is that? Does that mean something? I think I haven't looked up the definition in a minute, but if I'm not mistaken, I'm told it means King of Hawks.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Oh, that's dope.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

So the re so originally my grandparents wanted to name me Shabazz. So there was like little tift, and my mom was like, no, I have picked out a name. We're not naming him that. We're naming him Az. And I think, at least according to my mom, she said that uh before the anybody else came, like before my dad saw the birth certificate or something, she went ahead and like told the nurse this is his first name, so wrote it down on the birth certificate before they could change it. And so the compromise was okay, we'll change his middle name to Shabazz. That way it made my grandparents happy and it made my mom happy.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

Yeah, you're good, both in good standings.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

But the the sad part about that is my last name is Sheikh, so my initials are A S S. Oh so it's it's funny, but at the same time, some people like, no way. I'm like, there's my ID. You believe me now?

SPEAKER_03 32:07

That's wild. Your parents didn't think that went back. Who did? No, nobody thinks about that.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

I honestly didn't even realize it until I think high school. Because you know, kids can be savage.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Oh, damn. So somebody else trying to bully you kids, dude.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

And one of our friends, right? He even said he's like, listen, dude, like I think the reason you didn't get bullied as like more was because of your size. Like you were tall, you were a big guy.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

And I think back, I was like, yeah, no, I did have, you know, I was just like every high schooler, right? You got confidence. I was a little unconfident and stuff. And when I eventually enlisted in the military, that changed that. But I was kind of I didn't have a lot of confidence in high school, like most people. And uh, but it did help me kind of grow out of my shell.

Homeless But School Continued

SPEAKER_03 32:52

It's crazy how that works. That high school stuff, man, it's real, man. Like you experience different personalities, and you as a person go through your own stuff, but then when you look back at them, you're like, What was I overthinking? That's exactly how I felt. It's part of a life. Well, why was I overthinking? Because it's just because you know, and and some people's insecurities start from those days because of what they saw, what they experienced with other people. And um, I've always told myself when I was back in the day, I was like, Oh, I'll try not to care as much as I'll try to become something or someone in life so I can just or you know, just fall whatever. But yeah, high school man, it's an interesting time when it comes to that period.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

And the crazy thing is, like, until we got older and we would start talking about it, in my mind, in my head, I was like, Oh my god, like everybody else, they got their own thing. I'm the only one going through this. I'm that awkward kid, nobody else is experiencing what I'm experiencing.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

Everybody is going through this.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

Yeah, yeah. Everybody's Eric, remember Eric? Um he was he was just here, Fitz. Fitz, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Fitz was here on my my podcast um probably several months ago, and we talked about that. Like we we talked a little bit a lot about that because we'd known each other since high school as well. So we talked about those days and you know how it kind of affected him as well. And you know, you eventually grow into your own, and that's the beautiful part about life, man. Back in those days, though, is just kids all over the place.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

I see them, and it's a treat for to have a conversation with them because so they're so buried in their phones.

SPEAKER_03 34:28

That's another topic of discussion. That's another topic of the discussion we didn't get into. So, yeah, anyway.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

Um, but you know, they're just so buried in their phones, so you know that's a again topic for another day. Yeah. But anyway, I uh where was where were we?

SPEAKER_03 34:39

We honored your parents.

SPEAKER_00 34:41

Yes, no, honor. So that's what they named me. And then um 13 months later, I think they wanted two kids, so then my sister was born, right? And the funny thing was growing up, like me and my sister like just fall like cats and dogs. I mean, we're good now, but growing up, and like even I would talk to her about this too. I was like, why like why were we like that? She was like, Oh, I just saw it as you know, siblings being siblings. I was like, Really? I thought you actually hated me. She was like, No.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Yeah, I feel you on that.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

So it was it was interesting, and then um tough love. Yeah, well, no, she's definitely tough. My dad actually told me now, you know how parents kind of embellish. I don't think my dad's embellishing this, but he told me he was like one time where I was at school and some guy like bullied my sister or something, and she basically stood up to him and she's like, You better not do that again. My brother's gonna knock you out.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

That's real.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

And I've like, she said that because I was very timid. Like, I never really like I'm not the guy, I wasn't the guy that I am now. Right. You know, I was a kid, I was very timid, kind of shy. I didn't it didn't really open up that fast unless I got comfortable, right? But again, what vibes is common for you know someone in that age range. Right. So that was kind of interesting. And then I'm trying to think of the timeline. I'm trying to keep it on the timeline, but we can jump around a little bit if we need to. You're good. So, you know, my sister's born, and uh, you know, we went to a church school. So eventually, I think in second grade, my sister would basically told her teacher that, oh, if God doesn't give me a little brother, because she wanted a little brother, she was like, I have an older brother, I want to eat a little brother. I'm gonna stop believing in. That's wild. And my teacher didn't think anything of it. So they didn't tell my parents or none of that. Yeah, okay, this is a kid, it's a second grader, they're just saying stuff, right? Yeah. But when the teacher found out, so my after my sister was born, my the doctors told my mom she couldn't conceive. So they were like, Okay, yeah, we have our two kids.

SPEAKER_03 36:38

Wait, why not?

SPEAKER_00 36:39

You know, I can't exactly remember. Okay. Um, only because I I don't think it had to do with a thyroid. Yeah, it was just something. I I can't remember exactly. And the the the teacher didn't think anything of it. But a few months later, I think my brother was born in 2002. So yeah, so I guess early late 2001. Found out my mom was pregnant again. And she told her she's like, Yeah, we're telling the teachers, yeah, we're expecting again, and everything. And that's when the teacher told your parents, my mom, like my parents, what my sister had said.

SPEAKER_01 37:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 37:13

So I was like, Yeah, you never know when God's listening.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

God's miracle child, bro. You guys are wow.

SPEAKER_00 37:19

Yeah, but uh actually, yeah, I skipped something. So before that, we're gonna fast forward. I'm kind of like given the highlights, and I need to, I'm gonna be a little bit more organized. I appreciate the patience, guys. Uh there's a lot to unpack here. It's life, man. It's life, exactly. So uh we're driving with my grandparents, right? Uh, just somewhere on 285. And uh I was with my mom, my sister. So my mom, my sister, my grandmother, and I were in one car. My dad and his dad were in another car. So we're going to the same place. I can't remember exactly where we were going. But somewhere, I guess, before we got on the highway, me being, I think I was like two or three at the time, I was like, Oh, I want all the boys to be in one car, and you know, the girls can be in their car. So we ended up switching. So I ended up going with my dad and my grandfather, and then my sister, my mom, and my grandmother stayed in the same car, right? And we started going on 285. You know, tractor trailers like the big 18 wheelers.

SPEAKER_03 38:11

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

She got stuck between two that were racing.

SPEAKER_03 38:15

Racing?

SPEAKER_00 38:17

That's how that's how she recalls and how she remembers it, right? So literally, it's like, this is her, and these are the truck drivers.

SPEAKER_03 38:22

No, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

And she literally started, like, she was trying to maintain control of the vehicle, but at one point it was like she just described this is how she's bouncing back. She's bouncing back, and she couldn't control her, so she just let go of the wheel. At that point, she was like, I don't know what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Like, Jesus, take the wheel types off.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Literally. So the interesting part about that was when we got there eventually, one, they were like, Thank God that I left, because if I didn't, who knows if I would have survived. All everybody survived. But the my sister was in the car seat, and at the time my mom had like these uh stacks of like just Quran's in the backseat. And according to the accident report, and I'll have to like look it up, but this is but this is the uh recollection of my grandmother, my mom, and so multiple sources, right? Just verifying, validating that, right? The glass from the accident was on top of the Quran's, and the Qurans were protecting my sister from the glass.

SPEAKER_03 39:20

Yo. Wait, so first of all, when you that was happening, nothing like the car didn't flip or anything, right? It was just bouncing back, and it was just I don't know the detail.

SPEAKER_00 39:35

I it may have uh like flipped a little bit, but I think mainly it was just bouncing back.

Traffic, COVID Silence, And City Life

SPEAKER_03 39:38

Oh, dude, because that's that's that's still a lot, though. That's wild.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

She describes it as like she like a football, like soccer ball. Yeah, that's how she described it.

SPEAKER_03 39:45

You only see those type of accidents like in movies, you know what I mean, where you it goes crazy.

SPEAKER_00 39:50

Yeah, like I said, a lot of these stories, like when I was growing up and I would hear them, I'm like, there's no way, there's no way, no way. That just has no way. And then I get older and I start seeing other things that line up, and I'm like, okay. And then other people would be like, Oh yeah, and they would just randomly talk about it. Like, yeah, I remember that. And I'm like, okay. Even if my like, there's no way my like everybody else is in on this. Like, you know, my parents are smart, but they're not trying to get everybody to think to make me convince anything, like make me uh convince me of anything, right? It's over at the end of the day, it's an accident. Yeah, but then I started saying and I started realizing, and I was like, okay, well, no, we've we've been through a lot.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

Man, but even even even the conception part of like your mom and your dad and going through those stories, man, it's just I feel you that.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

Well, it's it's interesting, and my dad would tell me that some people were like, you know, somebody told my mom that, oh, just eat bananas, that'll that'll help you conceive. She ate bananas like crazy. She's like, Don't uh there was something it's like, don't eat this. She basically swore off it. Like she wouldn't even get near it. That's how much she wanted to get there.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

She really wanted to be alone.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Well, also, she's here, right? Because her family, her sisters and brothers were still overseas, right? So she's here. Every one of everybody else in her age group having kids. My dad was the last, one of the last of his uh siblings to have kids. And so that pressure, right? That community, and you know, think about it nowadays, right? It exists even now. It's like, you know, you have you got these, you know, both men and women. I mean, I'm still single, men and women that are you know surrounded by societal pressures. Oh, you know, you're not married yet, or why don't you have a kid?

SPEAKER_03 41:34

That's another topic you went into. That's a good one. That's a good one though, yeah. Cause I'm I'm single as well, and I don't have any kids. And I know a lot of male and female around our age that are just like, mm-hmm. I don't know about that one, Chief. I'm not sure. You know, do we want it? I think most of us do. But it's just, I don't know what it is, man. I don't know what's in the water that just we you know what I mean. Maybe we've seen enough. Maybe we're actually trying to be more stable at some point, you know. I don't know. It's a lot, it's a it's a mix of a lot of different things, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

It's I I'll I'll make one statement on it before we get back to the other topic. Um, my view is that just the way society has evolved, for better or for worse, we're more skeptical of each other. And our level of tolerance for just society as a whole has gone significantly down.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

And it's just, you know, we're humans, everybody's gonna make mistakes. And you know, it's like the gym, right? Your motivation's gonna be down, but it comes down to kind of commitment, right?

SPEAKER_03 42:38

Yeah, and but think about this too, though. And what about the and not to be negative here, but it is a fact. What about over half of the marriages that you know don't end well? So now we also see that. It's not like we don't see it, you know what I mean? We also and I'm not saying we're going into it with a negative mindset, but it does happen. You know, I met the most religious people getting into marriages two or three years later, bye-bye, divorce. And I'm like, it can happen to a lot of people, you know, it can happen to anybody.

SPEAKER_00 43:09

So that's yeah, that's that's another topic that we definitely need to unpack. Like, I feel like we're like doing like a foundational, like, okay, this is the outline, these are the topics we're gonna be discussing in the future. Uh we'll remember them, we'll remember them. We'll remember them. Yeah, we'll come back to them. So uh talking about the accident, right? And then after that, you know, my sister or sorry, you know, my brother was born and whatnot. And uh something else a little bit about me. When I was in I want to say first grade or second grade or something, you know how like at the uh uh fast food toys you could get?

SPEAKER_01 43:44

Like toys, yeah, yeah.

Names, Identity, And Surviving High School

SPEAKER_00 43:45

McDonald's and stuff. So we uh I think Star Wars had just come out, like there was one Star Wars movie or something, like one of the older ones. And I had this little piggy bank of it was like a Star Wars coin bank. Okay. And I had collected like I think five dollars, which I mean back. Then it must have felt like so much, right? Five dollars in coins, and it's heavy. And this is I'm gonna share something a little bit vulnerable about vulnerable about me. Because again, bear in mind, I'm like five years old, six years old, I'm a little boy. I didn't really have many friends, so I was buying people sodas from the vending machine. It was like 25-50 cents, and just being, oh, what soda do you want? What soda do you want? And the other kids were like, Oh, yeah, we want this. They're not saying no, they soda, yeah. So my uh teacher actually told my parents that they're like, Why then they're like, What are you doing? I was like, Oh, I was just trying to be nice. Like, I honestly can't remember exactly why I did it, but I was doing that.

SPEAKER_03 44:40

And this was your five dollars that you were spending that you were saving up, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

And I don't even know if I save what I was saving it up for or something, but like I still can picture myself like I'm on my knees with the coins out and putting it in the vending machine and giving sodas during recess to the classes.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

You were buying friends, you know what I mean? Just buying friends.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

But so that was like when I talked to my parents about that and like how I grew up, they're like, that's why sometimes they like worry. They're they said no. At some point we were worried that okay, is he ready for the war? Like, is he gonna get clobbered because he's so soft and he's so nice, and you know, sometimes the world is brutal to nice people.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

Yeah, the world is hard though.

SPEAKER_00 45:19

Yeah, so that was an interesting conversation with them. Uh what else? What else? What else? Okay, yeah. So we end up uh have they had my brother, and I've been saying this for the last few weeks, but I'm gonna publicize it now, and my brother's gonna probably never let me forget it. In a way, he completes the family. It's weird.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

Oh, that's deep.

SPEAKER_00 45:44

Yeah, like I can't, it's it's hard to imagine him not being there, even with the large age gap. And how old is he? He's 23.

SPEAKER_03 45:53

And you're 30. 30. So seven years.

SPEAKER_00 45:55

Yeah, that's right. You told him. So it's it's interesting though. Because like growing up, him and my sister were like this, right? They were like the best of friends. And I always felt like the oddball out. But as we've again, as we've gotten older and matured, we've gotten closer and closer. Yeah, and so it's interesting to see that. And sometimes I joke, it's like, oh no, no, I'm just glad he's there because if my parents ask me to do something, I can just call him up. Hey, can you do this? Because then I don't have to do it. But it, like I said, I don't know how else to describe it. It's weird. I've been saying it for the past few weeks, but I figured let me just get it out there. Now it's out there.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

So now he loves you even more, and he's like, he knows what's up.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

Well, and that's the relationship my siblings like me and my brother, and like just our siblings. Actually, me and my sister, it's a little different, but like we'll admit to each other. My brother and I, for example, we will never to each other's faces will like be like, I love you, or you know, we care. But behind closed doors, we stand up for each other, we back each other up. Yeah, I mean, yeah, we complain about each other, it's normal, but yeah, like sometimes what I'll do, and oh, my brother's gonna kill me. Sometimes if he's like sleeping before I leave, like I'll just give him a kiss on the forehead.

SPEAKER_03 47:00

Oh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

And he like there was one time where I was going in and he was still awake and he just kind of pushed me. I was like, All right, that's fine, that's fine, that's fine. He's just he was I think he was sick and just uh had just taken an exam because he's in college, so he was just kind of stressed out. I was like, that's fine, that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 47:15

Yeah, um, you know what though? I'm um in I I I can I feel you on that because men in general, you know, we don't like to be very vulnerable towards each other. Um, even though I think we should definitely practice more often, but you know, you know the love that you have for your sibling and your brother, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

And that's actually like getting back to the bullying thing, that's actually one of the reasons I did because I was always that way. And it wasn't until honestly, I want to say until after until in the military that I realized I can still be quote unquote tough, but still maintain my you know, my soft heart and be vulnerable when I need to be.

SPEAKER_03 47:51

That's that's good on understanding that. You know, when I was and going, I know we're deviating stuff.

SPEAKER_04 47:56

That's fine, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:56

Yeah, going when we were going back to to high school, um uh the a lot of people I used to always uh smile all the time and just be happy just because I you know I don't know if this is me coping with stuff, but like I you know, I used to just be happy, you know what I mean? Um yeah, in high school, like I used to smile all the time, and you know, obviously you played a tough sport, so it was sometimes it was weird for people to see like because my smile I guess makes you more gentle and soft and the happiness, I guess. Yeah, so but then you go out there and you know try to turn a light on and switch, and I'm like people thought sometimes maybe I was just I don't know, it was weird.

SPEAKER_00 48:37

The best the best saying that I always remember, and this is something my uh dad also told me, is like it's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.

SPEAKER_03 48:47

That is that's those are bars. That's a bar right there. Yeah, so that's a good one. I'm gonna use that one.

SPEAKER_00 48:53

Yeah, no, go for it. It's actually like he read it somewhere and I can't remember exactly where, but you know, he told me that, and I was like, oh my god, yeah, that's true. Because it's always like it's it's kind of also another way to say it's better to uh have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

SPEAKER_01 49:07

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

You want to be able to defend yourself, you want to be able to stand up and stand up for people too, like protect others, especially if you are in certain leadership roles, right? Yeah, but if you don't have that ability, then it's it's like how are you gonna protect somebody?

SPEAKER_01 49:22

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

So that was that was something that kind of he told me and he would always remind me of. And again, you know, we're in high school, so it's never really clicked until much later on. Yeah. And um, yeah, so that was the going back to the um buying them the sodas thing. So buying them the sodas, and I was kind of soft, and some people some people argue some people argue that I'm still soft, but I was like, come on.

SPEAKER_03 49:46

I think you're nice.

Values, Vulnerability, And Strength

SPEAKER_00 49:47

Well, and the people that have worked with me in business, yeah, people that have worked with me in the military, the people that have worked with me in managing projects and leading stuff. I mean, you know, I lost a nonprofit uh just a few weeks ago, uh or last year rather, and they understand, okay, it's it's a switch. He can turn it on and off. Yeah. And the challenge that I have is until people actually get to know me, yeah, they don't really understand it. Which is under which is fine. I get it, because you know, everybody has a perception, and until you get to know somebody, that's where you're that's when you truly form their opinion. That's right. Form your opinion of them. Or at least that's how I believe it should be. You might not always get to know everybody uh to a full extent, but you should know something about them before you start forming an opinion. Right. Right? Don't automatically paint people with a brush. So uh getting back to that. Uh let's just fast forward to the next thing I remember right now is uh we're in uh elementary school. So this was right around I want to say it was when the economy started going down. I think it was like right after 2002, 2003 my dad's business started getting affected. Right. And the choice became hey, do we pay the tuition to put fulfill their education, like further education, or do we keep the house?

SPEAKER_03 51:07

And at that time you weren't going to pu you weren't going to public schools.

SPEAKER_00 51:09

I wasn't, right? And that was one of the reasons, uh not nothing against public schools, it was just it was the church school aspect. It was the it was that that was the aspect. So it wasn't necessarily, oh, we don't want to send them to public school, it was we want to send them to a church school. So that was more of the motivation than the other side, right? Right. And and as you know, because we graduated from a public school, so it was never really that, it was more so just the church aspect. But they made a decision, and my dad and my mom sat down and they're like, All right, we're gonna send them to school. And at that point, the house was put on the side. Like I think they sold it or something, yeah. Yeah, and we were living out of my dad's office for about four or five months.

SPEAKER_01 51:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 51:54

And the the crazy part is I think like when I think back, like you could literally sit here and tell me that, oh well, you had a bad experience. And I was like, did I? I don't remember it like that. And I don't know how my parents did it, but like these are my memories of that, right? I remember, you know, my my sister and I would be like pushing my brother around in the stroller because he was still young. And in the parking lot, you know, when nobody's like there, we're pushing him around in the parking lot. I'm remembering there was this Chinese restaurant right next door that we would go and eat every night after my dad came back from work. And my mom would tell me, she was like, No, we actually I bathed you out of the sh the sink because there was no shower, there's a toilet in the sink in the bathroom, right? I was like, really? She was like, Yeah. I was like, I don't remember that.

SPEAKER_03 52:42

Man.

SPEAKER_00 52:43

Like, I don't even and it's weird how our minds work, right? I'm sure like my mind probably like shielded those memories just because of, hey, your mind probably can handle it at the time, and like that's just how we form, right? That's more of a psychological question. But it it made me realize all the times that I wonder that my par my dad came back, and maybe he only had enough money to feed us. And how many nights my parents went without eating.

SPEAKER_03 53:07

Right. I was just about to say that.

SPEAKER_00 53:10

Because I didn't I didn't even think of that.

SPEAKER_03 53:11

A parent sacrifice, man.

SPEAKER_00 53:13

And how many times like the owner because I think we knew the owner of the restaurant eventually because we went there so much and they probably knew about the story. And I think there were some times they just gave us food for free.

SPEAKER_03 53:22

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Like I don't I don't know for a fact, but I think that was the case.

SPEAKER_03 53:27

Wouldn't be surprised though. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:29

And just having that kind of blessing was insane. Like and I talked to my sister though, she remembers some of the bad stuff. When I say bad stuff, like the diff the the hard times.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Yeah, the the the difficult times. Yeah, yeah, the difficult times.

SPEAKER_00 53:45

I don't remember it as difficult times. I remember it as oh, it was fun, it was like an adventure.

SPEAKER_03 53:52

I call that a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 53:54

It is yeah, that's it's I just laugh about it. It because people tell me, Oh, yeah, that's a story, and I'm just casually saying it, like, no, dude, that that that's that's a big deal. Like that sh that's not normal. But you know, growing up, you don't have a frame of reference. Yeah, that's right. You just go along and like heck, for the longest time, I didn't know school buses didn't have AC. I mean they do now, but do they? Yeah, I think they do now, at least some of the buses I've been in.

SPEAKER_03 54:20

Oh, okay. I thought they always did have some type of they had heating. Oh, heating, that's what I'm thinking about.

SPEAKER_00 54:26

That's why during the summers we have to put the windows down, be sweating and everything.

SPEAKER_03 54:31

Yo, I didn't even think about it. It's been so long. That's a normal man. I didn't even think about that, bro. See, I remember the heating because I remember uh the bus used to be some somewhat warm uh at some point in life, but I never thought about the AC part. I never really thought about the AC part.

SPEAKER_00 54:48

Yeah, some of the newer ones, like nowadays I think they have them because they put in like the units in the back. But um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:56

We we didn't get lucky with those. It was so hot sometimes. The heat used to like sit down, it'll burn your oh yeah, especially if you're wearing shorts or something that'll burn you.

SPEAKER_00 55:09

Like the seats and everything. And I think I've I've heard that some of the school buses now have seat belts. Oh wow, which for safety, I'm all for it. But my where does the book bag go? Dang, bro.

SPEAKER_03 55:24

What an experience, too, man. Having to wake up extra early back in the day just to get on the bus on time. Oh, that I know that I think about it, bro. Wow. PTSD, right? Go ahead though.

SPEAKER_00 55:39

But uh, so yeah, so we were we were homeless for a and yeah, going back to you know, people talk. So that was actually one point in my mom's life where she realized kind of her true friends were because a lot of the people and again, I think at this time she's probably like our age, like at that time we were probably in her 30s, I think, roughly. I can't remember the exact age, but um a lot of her woman female friends were telling her, Hey, you're the woman. You could just leave him, take the kids, go back, or find another man.

SPEAKER_02 56:12

That's wild.

SPEAKER_00 56:13

And her response was he's not out partying, he's suffering with us. Why would I leave him?

SPEAKER_01 56:20

That's a real one. That's a real one though.

Priorities: School Over House

SPEAKER_00 56:23

Why would I leave him? To the point where even my dad was like, Alright, listen, just go to Pakistan, take the kids, let me figure this stuff out. After that, you can come back. She's like, No, why would I leave you? You're not out partying, you're not out, you know, having fun while we're here, you know, in difficult times. You're with us, you're working to get us out of this. Right. I'm not leaving you.

unknown 56:44

Dang, bro.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

And it's just like I hear those things, and sorry, I'm getting a little emotional. One of the reasons where like we were talking about the marriage thing, I don't know if like there are women like or made like that anymore. Like, I and don't get me wrong, like nobody's perfect. My mom's not perfect, my dad's not perfect. They've annoyed each other, they've you know had their qualms with each other. But that level of commitment, that level of, hey, you're suffering with me. We're not like I don't know if I can find that this time, right? Yeah, though that's the example that I had in front of my parents.

SPEAKER_01 57:20

Dang, bro.

SPEAKER_00 57:21

And so my level of expectation is like sky high. And sometimes like, all right, maybe I need to you know lower my maybe that's what you're saying. But it's just it's hard, man. Like we talk about settling, not settling, things like that.

SPEAKER_03 57:38

So it's just you you want definitely um someone that rise with you, yeah, rides with you.

SPEAKER_00 57:46

I always joke, I've got not joke. I always say, like, I'm not looking for a wife, I'm looking for a partner.

SPEAKER_01 57:51

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

And the saying about you know, there's always a strong woman behind uh a strong man. I kind of I'm I spin it in my version, which is there's always a strong woman besides a strong man.

SPEAKER_03 58:04

That's a good one. That's how I put it in and changed it. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 58:08

Not behind, right next to stand side by side. And I still see marriages like that. Don't get me wrong. I still know there's some marriages out there that are like that. Yeah, it's not it's not like it's it's but it's rare. And so I'm just waiting, you know, for God to show me the way on that path.

SPEAKER_03 58:25

I I get you, man. I'm on the same boat as you, bro. So you know you're good, man. Uh thank you for sharing that. Nah, I appreciate that. Appreciate your vulnerability, bro. That's um, that's real, and I'm sure um you know people can see that because it is true, it's a real concern that we have nowadays, and a lot of things are superficial. So it's it's hard to try to find a person who's gonna ride like that with you. And sometimes you don't know until it happens, right? It needs to happen for it to for you to find out. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 58:56

Yeah, and so you know, they say I've been I read somewhere it was like you don't want someone you can be. Yes, you want someone you can be happy with, but you want someone who will be there with you in the in the hospital. You want someone who will be with you through the tough times because for most, it's easy to be there when the times are good. Yeah, it's when times get tough that friendships, relationships, marriages, heck, even sibling relationships truly get tested.

SPEAKER_02 59:21

You'll see who's with you, bro.

SPEAKER_00 59:23

You always see who's with you. I can agree with that. That's when you know your true friends are.

SPEAKER_02 59:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:27

And one thing I've learned, it's not always blood. It's not always blood. It can be, but it's not always gonna be blood. And so you never want to get tunnel vision on, oh, I'm only looking for these. Family is not defined by blood.

SPEAKER_02 59:43

I can agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 59:44

Yeah, I'll have to come up with we'll have to think about something because like family's not defined by blood, but then what is family defined by? We'll have to come up with something witty.

unknown 59:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:54

I'm thinking about it. Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking about it. So you know, so that happened, and then uh So how did how did you so your family your family and your dad ended up getting out of that eventually?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:04

Yeah, so it was about it was about four months. Uh we were on we were in the office, living out of the office, and then eventually we found an apartment. Uh, and again, keep in mind that this whole time they did not let our education get interrupted. Wow. I don't even think we missed school days of school. I I and I think of it now, I'm sure they maybe t I don't know if even they told the um school that. I'm sure they did. I don't know if they did or not. But education was never interrupted. We would be doing homework, you would still, I don't know how my mom washed our uniforms. Uh probably in the sink, or maybe went to the laundromat. I'm not sure. But um still going to school. Eventually you find an apartment, and then we move in there, right? We that happened, and then it was like, all right, there's some sense of normalcy again. So, you know, we're doing good, we're out of school, and I still remember um it was one of Atlanta's snowstorms, not ice storms, but snowstorms. And we had like, I think like two or three, excuse me, through two or three inches of snow. And so school was canceled that day.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:02

Yeah, that's funny. Other people were laughing in other states, two or three inches. Yeah, but we freak out over here. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:08

So school was canceled that day. And it was actually snow, like not ice, but snowstone. So we're in the apartment and we were on the first floor of the apartment, so not the second. But we come outside and I see the snow, like I can still picture it. And like I'm I sometimes I think back, I'm like, wait, is that just like is that truly what I pictured, or is that just how I remember it? But anyway, I come out and for some reason I remember it being warm.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:28

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:29

Like, not like hot, but warm and like but not cold either. It was almost like the way I the my way I can picture it is like the blanket of snow that was there somehow warmed the air. Like it doesn't make any sense.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:44

It was soothing, yeah. It was weird. Okay. Wait, so you were about eight years old at this time, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:50

I think so. Forgive me if like the timelines are kind of like.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:53

Well, the reason I'm asking is because that snowstorm that you're referring to, like I remember if that's the case.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:59

That then it's probably yeah. Yeah, probably one of the things.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:01

Because I was ten and I'm two years older than you.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:03

So then yeah, it was probably around that.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:05

Yeah, and I remember when that happened. Like that first snow, it was my first time seeing snow. Yeah, so it's probably the same timeline. That's what I'm wondering. I'm like, I think we're probably then you know, I'm thinking of my life what you're thinking of yours. Like at what timeline? How old was I? And I think it was around that same time that the snowstorm happened in like in Georgia, snowstorm by snowstorm, yeah. Right, for us, but yeah, go ahead.

Community, Recovery, And Nonprofit Spark

SPEAKER_00 1:02:29

Yeah, so yeah, that so it was around probably that time. And because I think back, I think we were still in the apartment at that time. Because it was actually it wasn't until I was 12 or 13 that we eventually moved into a house.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:42

Uh and is it that this house that I went to last time, or you moved? No, no, that was a different house.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:46

We've actually moved around quite a bit just within the same county. Gotcha. Uh and Baron, oh, and I forgot to add, my church school was actually in Atlanta. So we would commute, the school that I went to, we would actually commute from Snailville all the way to Atlanta.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:03

That's wild.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:04

Your parents really were about the education.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

Well, and well, here's also the thing. We went, and I actually left this out. We went from having a driver take us to school. We went from going on the weekend shopping and watching a movie at the theaters every weekend, from buying and getting toys whenever, like whenever we wanted toys, my mom would get us having birthday parties. And it was funny, I hated like having to share a birthday because I was born in June, my sister's July. So I would always tell my parents, I was like, when people budget for gifts, if you tell a if their budget is$20, they're not gonna do$20 per gift. It's$20, so it's two$10 gifts. I don't want to share a birthday with my sister. And I'm gonna probably get some hate for this, but I was notorious. I would blow out my candles first, and I would always blow out her candles. That's wild to the point where she would even cry. Like, and then my mom would have to yell at me. She's like, Stop, don't do that. They would relight her candles and then she would blow it out. So you can understand why she wanted a younger brother.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:06

Yeah, yeah, I see that now. She was traumatized.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:13

So yeah, you could see why she wanted a younger brother. But um, so yeah, I I sorry, I focused on I was focusing too much on the negative stuff, but there was a lot of positive too, right? Like that's where we came from, right? My parents always, you know, before I even said something, my parents had it for me. Right. I remember my sister and I, whenever uh like if my mom was sleeping or something, we would sneak into we would like get a key to sneak into the freezer to get ice cream. And the funny thing was, I always got blamed for it, even though it was my sister's idea. The oldest. So like the joke was she was the uh instigator. So she would like plant the seed in my brain, and then I would do it, and then I would get in trouble, even though she got what she wanted. So that's why we were joking the other day. I was like, you know, it's kind of ironic that we launched a nonprofit together.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:04

Also, is you and your sister doing it?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:06

Yeah, there's actually uh five of us. Okay. So there's a few of us on there.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:08

I'm gonna leave the link in the description below of the YouTube video, by the way. You can see it. Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah, that'd be great.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:13

Uh it's Angels of Honor. So uh the the story behind the name, real quick, is uh Angels of Azaz. So I'll I'll tell you why, right? Uh throughout my life, uh, and you can tell from like the beginning of my life so far, I've always my family and I have always had angels, whether it be the owner of the Chinese restaurant, whether it be you know, whether it be the uh the policing agent or you know, the car accident. We've always had angels. And I would always wait. I was like, you know what? I can't wait to get married so I can give that to my wife and when I have kids. But then I started thinking, I was like, I'm doing injustice. Why am I including just someone I'm getting married with? So then we came up with the name and we came up with the mission and everything, which it'll be in the link, but I want now I'm using I'm I want my angels that I've been so fortunate with and give those to others. Like allow others to get the benefit that I've gotten.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:07

Giving back.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:08

Giving back. Right. Um what is it? Uh forging a way forward or you know, moving the path forward. There's some saying that I'm drawing a blank on. Anyway, just giving back is the simplest word. Right. So that's why it's angels of honor. Like I don't want people to think, oh, I'm naming it after me. It's but there's there's a purpose behind it. Right. Right. That's good. That's the name of the organization. But anyway, we're in the apartment. Uh oh, before the apartment, right? Where we have a good life, right? We're having birthday parties, we had those little uh I'm sure they still have them, but like, no, the motorized by uh cars. So my sister had like a little pink Jeep. I had a uh police motorcycle. Right. And I still remember for second second grade for career day, I dressed up as a uh CIA agent because I was like, oh, I want to be like a man in black.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:55

Yeah. Men in brown.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:56

Exactly. I wanted to be that. And I think I still have the suit. It doesn't fit me anymore, but I think I still have it. It's like a brown suit that my mom got or like what we got specifically. I th I want to I want to say it was specifically for that day. But I still remember we went to the store and they had like the fake handcuffs and the fake stuff, but the the product said FBI agent, and I was complaining, I was like, no mom, I want to be CIA, not FBI. And she eventually convinced me. She was like, Listen, it's it's fine. She's like, listen, Beta, like beta and we'll do his listen, uh son. It's fine. Just just stop. You're good. So you're good. It's okay. And so I was like begrudgingly wanting to do it, right? But I eventually did it and went to that. So, like I said, life was pretty good, right? We were rolling, and uh, you know, we had two phone lines because one was dial-up and one was for the actual phone, right? Which I uh I talked to some people now, and they're like, Yeah, no, that was a luxury back then. It was having two phone lines, yeah. Like we had a fax machine, I did what every other kid does, and I uh I prank called 911 like an idiot.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:03

You're they came, they came to your house? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:05

My dad actually said they came to the house and took me in a room to make sure that I wasn't like getting abused or anything because they were like, Oh no, nobody called. And I still remember like I looked, like they saw the doorbell, the doorbell rang. I looked out the window and saw it was the cops, and I ran to my room. I'm like, Oh god, I'm in trouble, I'm in trouble, I'm in trouble. And then the my parents talked to the cops, and obviously everything was fine after that. But uh, I think they kind of lectured me, like, listen, you know, again, I was like six at the time or something. Listen, you shouldn't do that, that's not fun. And when I actually did it, my dad was on the other line on a work call, and I'm picking up uh the phone to dial 911.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:42

That's wild, that's crazy.

Cancer, Caregiving, And Forgiveness

SPEAKER_00 1:08:45

Yeah, I still remember like the setup, it was like in the basement. It was I'm very fortunate to have for better or for worse, I got a very vivid memory. So that happens.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:53

So it was like a roller coaster for you. Yeah, it was a roller coaster. You were in the highs and then you went in the lows in the apartments.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:59

And that's what I credit really. I really credit my parents and God really how they managed to raise the three of us with those constant highs and lows, but our education never got interrupted. We always had what we needed, right? We always had food, we always had a roof over our head. We were very fortunate to never actually be on the streets. So that's why like I hesitate when I say homeless because then people think streets are like, no, we still, you know, we were in an office. They're like, no, that still counts as homeless, dude. Right. So people have to tell me it's like, no, that's still homeless. I'm like, yeah, but there's there's people that are suffering that a little bit worse. A little bit worse. Right. And so I I look back and I joke with my parents, like, you know, when it when I do have kids, y'all did a pretty decent job with us. You can raise some more kids. Like, no, we're gonna spoil them. It's our turn to spoil kids, so we're not gonna raise them. But we talk about that, and uh, so let's just get back to the apartment, right? Um, we're in the apartment. I think we were in the apartment for quite a few years, but I think we still have pictures because uh we would be like we have pictures of the us in the apartment pool, and I don't know whose idea it was. I want to say it was my mom's because she was tired of like doing our hair or like cutting our hair. But me, my brother, and my sister, or not my sister, sorry. Me, my brother, and my dad all went bald one summer. So there's like a picture of us, and I'll have to see if I can find it and send it to you. There's a picture of us all bald in like the pool. And so it was kind of cool, like all three of us did that. I wonder if I could convince all three of us to go bald. My dad's already balding, but convince my brother convince my brother to go bald again. You know how they recreate those childhood photos? I know you're talking about maybe we could convince uh my brother's not gonna do it. He's like as in he's into his hair, just like kind of I am.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:45

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:46

So I'm I'm a little into my hair, but I've gotten Suave.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:50

Just a little. A little suave.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:52

Can I see you? But uh, so yeah, that happened. Eventually we uh made it, we did get into a house, and again, things started being good again. You know, my sister was in ColorGuard. I was gone, that's when I went to Brookwood.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:07

Shout out, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:08

You know, things are going good. Um, my brother uh started doing band. We were able to have like birthday parties again, we were interacting with the community again, and um then I think when was this? I want to say it was right around 2014 or 2013. So it started on as a high, right? I graduated, my sister graduated the following year, and um, there's probably some things in there that I'm missing, but I'll have to we'll have to come back and discuss that. But graduated, and then uh, you know, my sister, you know, fell in love, got married, and I think a few months in her husband got diagnosed with cancer.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:49

Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:50

So we're like, all right, let's we got you know, we let's it was almost uh I think back, and at the time, you know, I was pretty stressed, but I was also in college. I was already enlisted in the military at the time, so I was kind of like in my own little world, right? I had heard about all the stuff, but I wasn't living through it. It was really my parents and my brother living through it and my sister. And but they were like, all right, one, let's we're we're battle hardened, we got this, right? So he's diagnosed with cancer, so you know, go through all that and with his family and our you know, our family were working through it and everything. He ended up in remission, which was good. My sister still managed to finish college during this time, believe it or not. She went to Georgia State, studied hospitality management. And it was funny, you know, sometimes we sometimes we forget our own achievements. And so when we were talking about the nonprofit, right? I'm like, okay, I'm putting together bios. Can you send me a list of your accomplishments? She was like, Oh, I don't think I have any. I'm like, seriously. Like, and I was like, Okay, first of all, weren't you in ColorGuard at Brookwood? She was like, Yes. It's like, okay, weren't you a treasurer of your sorority in college? He was like, Yes. And I was like, weren't you also in school when your husband was having cancer treatments? She was like, Yes. She was like, Those are achievements. I'm like, Yes. Like those are like adversities, right? You still manage to keep trucking forward, keep moving forward despite the adversities. But the cool the cool thing about that was is she didn't let it get to her head.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:14

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:15

Because a lot of times she continued. She didn't see that as accomplishments, right? She was like, okay, this is just life, and I'm trekking along.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:23

So I almost admired her for a little bit because I went through the similar thing. It wasn't until you know our friend Jared, like it wasn't until like some of my friends were like, dude, you won Homecoming King after being an awkward kid in high school of your c like you won Homecoming King of your college after being an awkward kid in high school. I was like, that's a big deal. He's like, Yeah, dude, like I there's so many other kids that I knew that never were able to move past that.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:45

That's facts, though. And that's facts.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:48

Again, I'm learning if you don't have a frame of reference, yeah, you don't know what's normal, you know. Yeah, you don't know. So again, we're again I'm jumping around and I apologize for that.

Grief, Graduation, And Grace

SPEAKER_03 1:13:57

You're good. You're good. Um but yeah, you just Where were we? So you were in 2013, 14. Yeah, so your sister's boyfriend got cancer. Uh husband. Husband got cancer. Husband, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:09

Uh husband got cancer, and he he went in remission, so that was good. We were is he good now? Is he or he went into remission and um then they started, I think I and my sister knows more. I'm not actually not even gonna touch on that because my sister got has more details on it. But anyway, went into remission, thought he was good because they had uh he had to go through surgery and everything. He came back. Yeah, cancer came back, and this time they couldn't do anything because they had already removed, I think, a part of his pancreas, part of his stomach, a part of his like they had removed a lot of work.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:42

It was pancreatic cancer? Yeah, yeah. I heard that one was I heard I read that somewhere. That's like the worst.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:49

And here's what I will say. This is kind of like a shout-out or a tip for everybody. When he went through his checkup, his doctor, his primary care physician told him, Hey, uh there's something finicky about your results, how about you go see a specialist? But he was like, Nah, I'm I'm good, and you know, my sister was like, Okay, we're good. I'm not feel I'm feeling fine. He ended up having like some of the severe pain in his stomach, and then ended up finally going to the hospital months later. But by then it had already extracted spread. I think it was like stage three at the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:22

Dang.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:22

And so he was feeling bad, and then here's the neat thing though. Like I said, going back to him, you know, my my my parents being married as long as they have been, they were telling him, hey, don't you gotta learn to forgive yourself. Especially in that moment, man. Because imagine it's like the doctor told me to go and I didn't listen. What if I had the all the what-ifs that happened in that moment? I mean, that's your life.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:51

All the what ifs. And you have to just gotta learn to forgive yourself. Nobody is perfect. We can't control everything. If we could, we'd already be in heaven.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:02

And not suffering this life.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:04

So he ended up, you know, he ended up passing away. Um, I'm also in college at the time, and I was, you know, getting involved on campus and doing all those things. My brother, he was helping take care of my mom and take care of my dad, so I could be in college and uh, you know, trying to help with my sister and all those things. So, you know, he passed away. Um, so it came back like a few years later. I'm making it sound like he got it, it wasn't remission, came back, he passed away. So there was other stuff that happened in between. So basically, he you know, he got diagnosed. I'm in college, I'm doing everything. My brother's, you know, doing his stuff. He goes into remission, so things are kind of normal again. I graduate college, and this one's not a this is more like life happens. My grandfather, my dad's dad, he passed away. But he passed away a little older at an older age, so you know it's that's more normal. Yes, it's still sad, but it's like because it was not a young person, which it's always like I want to side digress a little. Why is it that when older people pass away, we don't yes, we're still sad compared to when younger people pass away.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:12

I think so because we understand time, we understand um life. If you're old enough, you understand that if you make it to past a certain age, I feel like you've lived life, right? Because life is supposed to be that way, supposed to be baby, young, adult, you know, fatherhood, grandparent, maybe great-grandparent, and then you know, it's time, time to go. It feels like that is the optimal way of life. You get me? So when you feel when you look at it that way, you're like, at least they lived a long time. Because we also understand the other side where some people are not that lucky, unfortunately, you know, for other reasons. So I think it's that it's almost like comforting. Like, plus, when you're old and if you are suffering from a lot of health issues and you see them struggle, it's uh you they get to rest, truly get to rest from whatever they're going through. Yeah, yeah. But that's my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:17

Yeah, no, that's uh that's valid. I because that just kind of came to mind and I was like, let's just let's just talk about that real quick. Yeah. But you know, my my my grandfather passed away in Pakistan, and the part that affected me on that uh was it was right around the time I was graduating college. Right? I'm the oldest, right? I'm the first one to graduate college, like if my siblings, my parents are, you know, I'm not first generation, but I was I was the first to graduate college in my siblings, right? Because I'm just the oldest. And my mom sits me down as like, listen, I gotta go, because my mom's the oldest of her siblings. I gotta go. I'm gonna miss your graduation. Is that okay?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:54

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:55

And I know if I had told her no, she would have stayed. Like if I told her I wanted her to be there, she would have stayed. I know that. She would have made it work. This just goes back to the pick commitment my parents have for the when it comes to kids. But again, I'm like in my like, I think I was in 20, 21 or something. I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. You know, I I know I can she'll be back.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:14

But I think back, and there's still a part of me that feels some sort of way about it. And I've forgiven her. Like, I it's funny that you like, and I'm gonna get I'm gonna get crap for this. Oh, you know, how dare you feel bad that your mom missed your graduation for going to her father's funeral. It's like, yeah, but you gotta think about it. You're 21, you're the oldest, you're the first one to graduate college, and your mother is not there. That literally helped you go through. Like, I mean, I look back when I was uh at the in the apartment. There were literally book reports that my mom would like stay up with me because I was a kid and I waited till the last minute. She would make sure I was awake to finish those book reports on a typewriter because we couldn't afford the Microsoft Office subscription.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:59

Dang.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:00

Or we didn't have printer paper, or sorry, we didn't have ink for the printer. Yeah. So we had the paper, we put it in a typewriter, and we're typing the book reports.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:08

Have you ever put yourself in that situation? What if you have kids and the and you were there, what would you do?

Parenting, Sacrifice, And Future Hopes

SPEAKER_00 1:20:16

You're actually the first person to ask me that, and I honestly the fact that my mom asked me, I admire her because she didn't have to. She could have just been like this other way it was. But but she recognized me as the you know adult that I am, and I was at the time or still am I that I am, and at least gave me the option.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:35

Yeah. Well I don't know what I would do. Well, the reason I'm asking is because you do you see like the same type of love that you have for your mom and your and your dad.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:44

Same love for her. Thank you, man. I did not see that. You just you just had I just had an epiphany. Thank you for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:54

Just asking, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:56

No, thank you for that. I I damn now I feel kind of bad. Because I never really held a grudge, but like I would kind of just be a little passive aggressive about it every now and then.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:04

Yeah, and and and you know, it's uh it to be honest, it's not I don't think it's selfish. I think it's natural human emotions. Because you you experienced your mom and the amount of caring that they have for your studies and the time that it comes to you know complete that journey, she can't be there. So inside you feel something like you feel you should be there, you need to be there. Like you, you, you've been here, you know. And you know, your grandpa maybe you looked at it that way too, throw his lenses off, he's old, you know, he's older, he made it to life. I'm still alive, you know. I'm still so I don't I don't think you should get anything for that. It's just human emotions, you know. The only thing we can do as humans is just show grace. And the the question that I just asked you is so you can see, or uh um maybe uh look at it from a different lens of grace, like well, the same love, the same thing that she she probably went through that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:10

I actually genuinely appreciate that. Yeah, because I like if people had like there have been a couple of people, it's like, all right, you know, just just forgive them, right? It's but now that I think back, it's like it's not really a forgiveness thing, it's more of a hey, like, yeah, life happens and put yourself in her shoes.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:24

Yeah, it's just it's just being graceful, bro. It's um grace will take you a long way with people and even with yourself, even you know, when you're not too harsh on yourself. So have some grace, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:38

Yeah, but yeah, so that um I don't know how much time do we have?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:43

Uh well right now the podcast is about an hour and ten. So actually an hour, holy smokes. It's been the hour twenty, so 10-15 minutes. Let's talk about it. Okay, we'll start.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:54

I'll start kind of wrapping it up and then you know, uh this particular topic, right? Or this particular section of the topic. Of your of my life. So anyway, right, I graduate and my dad was there, of course. My mom, my brother was there, and the joke actually is so I think right before I graduated, my mom got a truck. It was a Chevy 2500, and obviously, you know, she can it was a Chevy 2500. I think you shouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:17

I don't even know what they are and what kind they are. I wouldn't think in my head what kind they are, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:21

Yeah, so it's uh obviously she didn't take that to Pakistan, so she left it, so I started driving it. So the joke is oh, that was my way of, you know, okay, you weren't there for my graduation, so I just took your truck. So that's the joke, obviously. You know, yeah. That was like if you wanted it, you know, give it back to her.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:38

But my reasoning is so my mom's like she's taller than the average, like I think she's like five, four, five, five. Like she's she's relatively tall for a woman. But I was like, she can't even see over the steering wheel, like over the hood. And they're like, it's ours, just just shush. They didn't say shush, but just shush. But that just you know, that plays more into like the love that my parents have for each other and the love that they have for their kids. And going back to the marriage things, and sometimes I'm wondering, I'm like, wait, am I in a position to give that much love to my kids? Like if I were to have kids. That's a good question. Can I be selfless enough to put my goals and dreams on hold to take care of this life that we just made together?

SPEAKER_01 1:24:25

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:28

And it's hard to think about that, right? Because that's that's a sacrifice. It's it's a choice, but it's still a sacrifice.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:33

Yeah, it the only thing that I've heard of when it comes to parents and new parents, um, or parents in general, like you won't know until it happens. Like, you won't know the love that you have for kids until it happens. I discussed something similar to this in my end. Um, you know, I've gone through some health issues and stuff, and sometimes it makes me question if like I have the energy to to deal with kids, you know. But everybody always says, like, for some reason, when you have kids, you have this extra energy, like this extra drive, this something supernatural, like that you do for them. I don't know why, you don't know why. They have a feeling as to why. Maybe one day we'll find out what they mean by that, maybe until it happens. And that's a but that's a good, that's a good uh question on your end. That's a good point. I'm like, hmm, it's it's fair. And I know, man, parents just I don't know what it is about children, especially mothers. I mean, they did hold you in their belly for like nine months, so it's wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:38

I have a friend. I will end on this. So I have a friend of mine, and my dad always jokes, it's like, you know, if if giving birth were was like logical, humanity would die out. So I have a friend of mine. She's having she's having her second kid, right? They just do literally any day now. And she's like, you know, she'll complain about the pregnancy, she's like, yeah, my back hurts, or like, you know, I'm ready to pop, all these things, but she's already wanting a third. Wow. And it's like just if you look at the the marvel that is a woman's brain and the woman's heart, and it's it's amazing. Women go through this so much pain, and I think what they say, giving birth is the equivalent of equivalent of like having like all your bones or like uh crush or something crush or something. Like that's the amount of pain that women go through when they give birth, and then they want it, they come back and they they're like, you know, I want to I want to give birth again. Like that level of love, like it's only two things it's either insanity or love, but at the same time, love is a form of insanity. Someone argue.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:39

Some argue, but you know, I yeah, think about it, bro. And it's like they kids rip them apart, like they literally tell their tear their bodies down.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:46

It's that's like if it's a regardless of whether it's natural or cesarean.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:50

Yeah, no, it's still still heavy. Yeah, we can't we can't think about it. We uh we don't we don't know what that would be.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:58

We get a cold, you know. Us men get colds and we like, oh, we know how to fix it.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:01

You know, I heard that that's like scientifically, though, for some reason. That's scientific? I heard that one. I read something like that. I thought it was just a joke. No, no, no. Apparently there's signs behind it. I forgot what it said, and maybe chat, you know, you guys can help me. Well, when a man gets a cold, uh something about women, how the way they are built and created and you know, systematically, a cold doesn't affect them as hard as men for whatever reason. I don't know why, what the reason I forgot, but I heard that's the reason we just feel like we're dying. And we're like, oh, we can't do anything, you know. But something about their um either immune system or um what am I um your um your nervous system, whatever the case may be in there, so woman can take on a cold better than we can so much better. That's what they could, but maybe it's the part. Of the if I can do a baby, this ain't nothing. Yeah, it's part, it might be part of so their strength is measured, you know, uh differently, but just as well because they're strong in their own manner, you know what I mean? Well, I think we all have um things we're born with that you know make us who we are, you know. Um we're different doesn't mean we're you know less valuable or my more valuable, it's just we're unique and we're valuable in our own way, you know what I mean? I think that's the beautiful part about both genders and and and both parties.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:37

So yeah, so that's good. But yeah, it was good talking to you, man. I know uh we went a little longer than anticipated, but we definitely have uh we're gonna have to come back and uh dissect this a little bit more.

Closing Reflections & Thanks

SPEAKER_03 1:28:46

100%. We have so many topics that we can go off from what we're talking about, but uh I wanna thank you for coming on and sharing your life and you know your experience, your journey being vulnerable. I think it's good for people to see other people's vulnerability because they can in some ways relate about life, and that's the beautiful part about listening to others. You know, you think that some people might not suffer or go through the same things you have, but in reality, there's a lot of people that are going through similar issues like you are, man. You just don't know because you don't hear it, but that is the beautiful part what you just did you know, being vulnerable, letting people know and get to know your character, who you are, your family, your values, which I think is important. So I appreciate you coming on, and um it was uh it was good to learn from you.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:34

Well, I appreciate you giving me the time, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:36

Yeah, thank you, brother. Uh, and hopefully you'll be back soon. Yeah, hopefully. Yeah, that would be great, bro. It would be great to have a good conversation. But uh, ladies and gentlemen, thank you guys for joining us today. Um I appreciate you again for coming on. Don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, to like, comment, and subscribe to this uh YouTube channel. Um, it helps the algorithm for sure. Uh, you can listen to this podcast in in all the audio platforms. So if you want to go to a YouTube channel and show some love as well, you can. But uh, thank you guys for all the love that you've always shown me. Thank you guys for your support. Don't forget, I have links to my link tree. If you want to go see ways to support the channel, that would be great. Um, but thank you, brother, for coming on, man. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:20

Yeah, no, thanks, man. Hey, thank you, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:22

See you guys on the next one. As always, peace and love, family. Deuce