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Carlos Granados Podcast
Welcome to the Carlos Granados Podcast. In this podcast, I will discuss my health journey, news, updates, and educational content surrounding my life, and anything and everything that I enjoy. This is my introduction to my new podcast through "Youtube Podcast". I decided to expand my horizons and let you into my life outside my health journey. You can watch clips and full videos in 4k on my YouTube channel "Carlos Granados".
Carlos Granados Podcast
Transformative Journeys: James' Poetic Path and Coaching for Life Skills
Discover transformative insights on leadership and communication through the stories and experiences shared by James, a passionate coach and author. James emphasizes the importance of nurturing leadership qualities in youth and fostering open dialogue between parents and children for genuine growth and understanding.
• Exploring early inspirations and the journey into writing
• Coaching as a tool for personal and youth development
• The significance of emotional intelligence in leadership
• Personal transformation through military experiences
• Emphasis on communication and sharing experiences with children
• Preparation as a key to success and achieving goals
• The role of self-reflection in effective coaching and parenting
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to my channel and welcome back into another video. In this episode we have a very special guest, but before I introduce him to you guys, I want to thank you guys for supporting me throughout the whole year of 2024. We had a really good success in my podcast and this year we're starting another video with another banger of a video. Don't forget that you can like this video on YouTube. Don't forget to share it. You can also download it and then rate the podcast on all the audio platforms you can think of and if you want to see the description, I also have a link tree on my YouTube channel and also on my YouTube platform. So, without further ado, james, welcome to my channel. How are you doing, sir? Thank you, I'm doing great. How are you? I'm doing good. I'm excited that we finally got to make this happen. I know right.
Speaker 2:It's about time. I know We've been talking about it and I'm just so happy to be here and I thank you for the opportunity to be here as well. Thank you, yes, sir.
Speaker 1:So we don't get too many authors and writers, at least in this channel, not yet. But you're one of the few people that I know that has written a book, and can you start by sharing. We have three books here. Can you start by sharing all three of them, but what is it about them that you find different? Also, what is it about them that you find special? I know you told me that you wanted to discuss, uh, at least this one a little bit. We'll get into into into all of that. But what made you start writing? What made you start getting into into writing books? Because I feel like that's not easy, right, the whole process right.
Speaker 2:So in my 20s I started writing poetry and I wrote these poems and everything was always inspired by something Like something would happen to me and I would write something. I would meet somebody and I would write something. I would go someplace, something would happen, I would come back and I would write something about it in a poem form. And when you look at those poems, they are diverse, some are a little dark and some are a little out there. And so when I go back and I look at them, I go. What was I thinking? And what I was thinking was whatever happened, I just wrote in that moment. So my writing is inspired by what happens.
Speaker 2:So, if you like this right here, I can go back and write a poem about this experience, because it's something that is significant and important to me. Like there's one that I wrote. It was called there's Too Much Noise in this Room. And why did I write it? I was living, I was in the Navy, in the barracks, right with a room and a roommate, and there was a lot of noise going on in the room. He had like a roommate, he had a friend that came to visit him. It was like so much talking, music, that kind of stuff. And when it was all over I went to a quiet place and I wrote this poem called there's Too Much Noise in this Room.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's a really catchy name for that situation. That's really good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then there's another one I wrote. It's called Soothing Thoughts. Now you say well, what inspired you to write Soothing Thoughts?
Speaker 2:I was working in California in the Navy in a warehouse with all these Marines, total stress, total chaos one day and if you never worked in a warehouse, it is. You know, when it's hot it's really hot and when it's cold it's really cold. So it was a very long day, very stressful, and I walked out the back of the warehouse at the end of the day and it was this open field and the wind was blowing the bushes so peacefully and I was like soothing thoughts and I went home and I wrote this poem called Soothing Thoughts.
Speaker 1:That is beautiful. You know what that just reminded me of when I was in and you were in the military. But when I was training to be trying to be in the military I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I was in ROTC at one point in college right and I was trying to commission into the military. But at one point I remember the days in the mornings when I used to wake up really early to go to pt, because we go to, you know I used to commute.
Speaker 1:Uh, georgia went to college and I used to wake up in the morning and I just remember how quiet it was at night, I mean in the morning, and you can just see the darkness. Uh, at the school you looked outside and you were just, it was just soothing, it's peaceful. I still remember kind of like what it smelled like to be out there before anybody got there.
Speaker 1:It's just that's what it reminded me of, you know just those moments, and sometimes I think about those moments, because I felt like life was just simple, right, you know, at that point in life, no, I totally agree.
Speaker 2:And for me, I didn't realize it If you look at my early years as a teenager nothing written, right, nothing. But it wasn't until I turned about 22 years old that I just had this strong desire to put something on paper. And back then it was just poems, poems, poems, poems, and all it was was poems, right, and it was adult poems. When I went back to read them, some of them were r-rated type of poems. Oh right, so it was. It was a little dark and a little adulty. Who was breaking your heart at that point?
Speaker 1:james, I had a lot going on. You don't want breaking hearts.
Speaker 2:No, I, my heart, probably got broken more often than the other way. Oh, no. No, it was just so many new experiences for me Right, being from Mississippi, very little experience country boy right and then joining the military and then having all these experiences in California.
Speaker 1:I feel like that puts you out there, yeah.
Speaker 2:I was literally out there, wow. And what I used to say was I went from Mississippi to Memphis, to California. And what I said was, if I would have went from Mississippi to California, I wouldn't even be here. My little brain would have been just fried from all the experiences. Right, right, you're coming from nothing in Mississippi Country. Right, you get up from like nothing in Mississippi country right.
Speaker 2:You get up, you work, you eat, go to bed, you're done, and then to be out there and see the people and all the different experiences. It just literally just blew my mind away and I was so. It was so impactful to me that I had to just put it in a poem and I just wrote, and I wrote. I got tons of them that I wrote, that. I just wrote them, and there was a buddy of mine.
Speaker 2:We would go back and read my poems together and we would do the interpretation of the poems Like what did you mean by this right here? What was the deep meaning behind this? Wow. And did it for a few years, did it for a few years and then it wasn't until about 2016 that I decided that I wanted to write a book.
Speaker 1:And which it was this one of the first books you ever wrote. This was the very first one, so we're going to put this one out here for people to see, and the name is Coach James. Top Coaching Tips.
Speaker 2:Right For coaching kids. That was the very first one. I was a soccer director at a park and you know I didn't really play soccer growing up, it was just something that I kind of volunteered. I said, okay, fine, I'll coach my son, my kids, in soccer. And then they said, hey, you know, can you be the soccer director? And I was like, yeah, fine, I'll be the soccer director. That Can you be the soccer director.
Speaker 1:And I was like, yeah, fine, I'll be the soccer director.
Speaker 2:That was the easy part. What I didn't realize was that everyone all the coaches, some of the parents would approach me. They go hey, how do you teach a kid this? How do you teach a kid that? How do you coach this? How do you coach this in soccer? How do you coach this? How do you tell them when they say my kid won't listen? Uh, or my kids, uh, they are messing around in line. Or I'm a new coach, what should I focus on? And so what I said was let me write a book giving my tips, what I, what I experienced when I learned. And they put in the book book form, and that's where it came from.
Speaker 2:Wow, now, people who have read it, some people who read it, they look at it as almost like a parenting book. It talks about you know, how do you have a discipline policy? Uh, make sure you have closure at the end of the season. Uh, make sure you know there's a part in your body coaching your own kids. It covers a wide variety. How do you teach? Sports are more complicated than people think about Soccer, what One ball in people. But you've got different plays. You run, you've got different dribbles, you've got passes, all kinds of things.
Speaker 1:Formations.
Speaker 2:Right, I put in there how to teach part versus whole. You teach a piece at a time and you put it as part of the whole. But the very first part talks about you, you as a coach. Do you know who you are? Because you're bringing that to the kids, right, you're bringing all your confidence, your insecurities, everything you're bringing to the kids and you may not be aware of that. It affects how you coach.
Speaker 2:I did not know that. I was like parenting the kids as I was coaching and my frustration was not because of the kids themselves. It was because I was just so at this pent up energy that I wanted to win and I wanted to do well. I was just so at this pent-up energy that I wanted to win and I wanted to do well. I was driving the kids. I was like, come on, come on. And when I went through my transformation I was like, okay, it's not about me, it's about the kids. I got to make sure I do no harm. Right, I got to make sure that I am raising up these good young men and good young women now and not having this negative impact upon them when they're so young. So it talks about safety, knowing yourself. And then the number one tip if you forget everything else, if you forget everything else, never forget that they were kids.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:Don't ever forget that.
Speaker 1:That's really good. That's really good. Do you feel like coaching kids ended up making you a better parent to your kids?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely. And part of the book talks about coaching your own kids. My son that I was coaching he was a pretty good player right.
Speaker 2:But I was pushing him so much to do better and to do more. And then, when I finally went through that I call it my transformation and I was like, oh my goodness, this is awful, how could I? Because he would catch it in the truck on the way home. Right, he would catch it. But fortunately, and I thank God, it was caught early. It was about maybe about a year or two of him reaching that next level that I realized I got to tone it down.
Speaker 2:I got to talk to him about it. It's not about me driving him and those type of things. It's really about the relationship between us. That's more important than him playing the sport is the relationship between him. So it did make me a better parent and, as a result of all of that, part of my personal coaching philosophy is, when I show up at the soccer field or any field where I'm coaching, everyone here is my child, these are my kids, I'm their father, I'm responsible for their safety and their welfare.
Speaker 1:All of them.
Speaker 2:All the girls, all the boys. I'm responsible for them, All of them, all the girls, all the boys. I'm responsible for them and I got to make sure that I'm part of that positive support system, like a mommy and a daddy and their pastor or their teacher. I'm part of that same system. So I must make sure that I have that relationship with them and that I make sure I take care of them, keep them safe mentally, physically and spiritually. And then I teach the sport as a side. Right.
Speaker 2:I got to teach them about life and how to be a good young person, and the sport is the mechanism by which we come together.
Speaker 1:I feel like, as a former athlete, that is so important because I've experienced how much the discipline from sports, even the struggles that you go through, the experiences, the lessons that you go through in sports how much that translates into real life, right, right. And I feel like when you have somebody like you that is not only looking from inside out but outside in to make sure that you're teaching them well, that you're guiding them well, it's so important because that will translate for them in real life, because life is not everything is about sport. But when you learn things within the sport who coached you? Who did you play with? What kind of team were you with that translates into your days later on in life.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. When you look at what I did as a kid, I played one sport one season, one sport, one season. That's all. My senior year in high school, I played tackle football. I can remember every single lesson learned from that sport, every single lesson being tough, being a competitor, never giving up, knowing the grind and when I say grind, I mean true grind mississippi 100 degrees that weather I was gonna say you're that heat I can only imagine 100 humidity yeah and you're out there running, tackling, right, and I just remember it and you know, some things that were said were not appropriate, but I understood that they meant for you to be mentally tough, right.
Speaker 2:I take that same mindset with me when I coach the kids. Now I'm still you know, I look at them from a father's perspective but I'm still firm and I'm still implementing discipline Right and toughness Right. It's not like I'm going oh okay, come on. No, no, no, no, get over here, stand in line, show me your discipline by being quiet and listening, right. I'm very firm with them and I don't talk to them like they're a little bit of kid. I talk to them like they're a regular person, so they can understand that there's a maturity that's involved when you play sports.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that would that. No, that's that. That's really good. What do you think? What would you call what you did when you're looking at self-reflection, self-awareness Is that what you would call it for you to you know a year down the line, two years on the line, to notice what you were doing when it comes to the coaching part, right, how you were coaching your team, the kids.
Speaker 2:I call it personally. I call it my transformation. That's what I call it Okay. The intervention happened in two parts. I was at a game and I'm just going, you know, ballistic, come on, come on. And what I say is I was coaching multiple sports, so I would go from football to soccer. Okay, right Now, you know football culture and football coaching is a little bit different, oh man.
Speaker 1:Tell me about it.
Speaker 2:Everything the kids do is wrong. It is high pressure, high stakes, it is stressful and that's what I used to bring from football to soccer.
Speaker 1:You can't do that. It's not the same, not the same mentality.
Speaker 2:And I was so high, strong, and I would tell the kids and this is bad, but I didn't mean it this way. In football you would say you know, hit somebody, meaning go tackle somebody, block somebody, hit somebody, right, and I'd be at the soccer field going hit somebody, hit somebody red card out of the game my goodness, I, when I look back, I am ashamed of what I did.
Speaker 2:I'm so embarrassed but, but I was at the, I was at the field one time remember there's two things at the field and the soccer director at that time came and sat down beside me and he said you okay, everything okay. And it was like one of those moments when you have a dog who's kind of going crazy and you kind of how about that?
Speaker 2:kind of like check them a little bit and then they kind of break that, break that, that focus, from being so kind of crazy like right, that's what he did and I just kind of calmed down. I sat down and I calmed down. I didn't yell as much. It wasn't because I thought, oh, I'm going to get in trouble. It's just he broke that focus point. For me that was one and I didn't forget it and I was like, okay, and then I started coaching. My son started playing lacrosse and I went to coach lacrosse.
Speaker 2:Lacrosse at that time had a mandatory requirement for you to attend the Positive Coaching Alliance course. That's what caused the transformation. That was the piece that pushed me past the transformation. They said you must coach and show love and the sport is the side. So the sport is not your main focus. You have a dual purpose. One is to support that child, show love, and the second is to teach the sport Right. And they said at some point and this is how I remember it at some point, some kind of way, work into what you tell the kids, work in this one line. You know what that one line was? Tell me, I love you.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:Some kind of way. At some point you have to work into your coaching. Tell the kids I love you.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's deep, but it's so true. What, what, what? You said that was a what was that a conference that is?
Speaker 1:that sounds very healthy. It's a positive coaching alliance. That sounds so healthy. I feel like a lot more coaches would need that especially. I've seen I've been around sports myself, uh, even my, my, my brother, my sister. I ended up in a situation just like you did, and it comes to, uh the coaching. I never really took over the coaching role, but I was just helping the coach out and I saw, uh the difference between coaches and how they carry themselves. We all have a different, um way of teaching things right, sometimes maybe how you were taught in the past or how you feel like it's best at the moment. But the fact that you did all that, reflecting to eventually get better at it and looking within yourself I think it's perfect. I think it's great and that makes you even a better person and a better coach.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Coach James from now on.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it, but it was, you know, it was before that it was very stressful. Now it's not as stressful to coach. I mean, I used to be. I used to go home voice all raspy, just nerves fried, because I was just so just that stressed out person trying to yell and project that to the kids. Now my yelling is more focused hey, move back, hey move up, hey cover that person over there, and it's not so much just yelling just to be yelling. Another thing in there that I put in a book about the coaching was do not tie when you lose. Do not tie that to the kids. The kids should never. The kids would know that they lost, but you should never tell them that they lost. And what I was talking about was you know how you play a game and you say oh, the referees cause us to lose, right, a lot of bad calls. Or you play the game and you lose at the last second of a one goal, right, it can be heartbreaking.
Speaker 1:It hurts.
Speaker 2:It does so much. And what I said was the kids are not the score. They're not the score. Focus on their effort. How well do they play? That's what you focus on. You tell them hey, man, I worked out. But you know what I'm proud of the way you played. I love the way you played. We've got to do better next time, but this is how we got to play, every single time, from start to finish, and you focus on that, not on the fact that we lost, because they're going to hear from their parents. They're going to hear from other kids. Focus on the effort, because you can build upon that and the kids will appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean they're already feeling down from the loss.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You jumping on that. Right, it's just going to make the whole situation worse.
Speaker 2:And I don't single anyone out you could have been the goalkeeper and you missed it. Don't care, Don't focus on it. Focus on the effort. It's a team sport. Let the kids enjoy it and remember these kids are young. The ones I'm coaching. Now are kindergarten and first graders.
Speaker 1:They're still babies, yeah.
Speaker 2:I have to be careful, they're just having fun.
Speaker 1:They're just having fun, they're just having fun.
Speaker 2:The future is in my hands. Yeah, I have to be careful Most of the time. I'm their first coach.
Speaker 1:That is true. Actually I didn't think about that. Yeah, you would be the first one. Are those the only ages that you prefer teaching, or those are the ones that they have you teaching? Or which ones, like your age range, that you prefer teaching yourself or coaching?
Speaker 2:I should say that's a great question and I think for me. I love them all. The most challenging one was the 15 and 16-year-olds. It was the most challenging I never heard so much cursing the attitude, the talking back. It was probably the most challenging time for me as a coach and I had to use everything in my mind to put myself in a position to be successful with them. Right.
Speaker 2:From you know, raising up, trying to create a leader within the group, or picking the one that was the most disruptive and say listen, I need for you to be the leader Talking to kids one-on-one hey, listen, I need for you to do better, I need that they're following you. Can you please do better so that you can lead them in the right direction? Everything I could do, I did, and I still was not as successful as I wanted to be, but I felt like I did everything that I had to do when I had to do it.
Speaker 2:The only thing I would have done differently. The only thing I would have done differently is I would have had a meeting with the parents. That's the only thing I would have done differently. That's what I should have done.
Speaker 1:What do you think would have been the difference?
Speaker 2:if you did. That's a great question. I don't know, because parents are an X factor. Some are more receptive than others. Think about the parents as an older version of the kids. Remember the parents. If I tell you your kid is doing bad or they're being disruptive, you may go. So are the other kids. Why are you singing my kid out?
Speaker 1:That's right, see yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's an X factor. Some of them may go. Oh my goodness, I didn't know that. I would talk to them immediately. Yeah. But you don't know, yeah, and if you get a group of them, you may create a little small mutiny on your hands. Right.
Speaker 2:You just don't know. They are a true X factor. So I chose for that moment. I said you know what? I'm going to just talk to the young men, because it was a boys team. I'm going to talk to them. I'm going to sing the ones that are loud and try to get them to be young leaders. I'm going to try to focus on the positive, not the negative. I'm going to try to keep them busy so they don't have time to talk. I did everything possible to be successful with that team and, like I said, we were not from a score wise.
Speaker 2:We were not as successful as we could have been like the record wise but, I felt like I gave them everything I had to be a better young person first, and then a soccer player second.
Speaker 1:Which is the important part out of all of this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, being a better person yeah, that that's awesome.
Speaker 1:You know I, I'm thinking that I wonder if this is the thing. Or I wonder how parents would take this um before the season starts, right, what if you talk to them and settle them down and say, hey, listen, I, I am the coach and I will coach them the way I know how to coach them. That's not personal. This is, I will do what's best for the team. How do you think they will take that? Because I know they. Some of them will still be like I don't care, it's my kid, you know I that's a tough situation. Especially, I'm assuming, was this wreck? Uh, that was wreck right, right.
Speaker 2:So it was not the high level or advanced level correct.
Speaker 1:Well, the reason I'm saying I'm asking is because I know in rec sometimes they're just there for the fun or just for recreational activity. But I feel like once you're in high school a little bit more, that the parent and the coaching kind of spreads away. It's not as close or they don't intervene as much, because now they, the kids, want to be there, you know know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:It's not like a no, no, I totally understand, and so what you just said is what I do now.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, so we did come back to that Nice.
Speaker 2:Before every season and I got a so now I have two programs that I run. One is for the kindergartners right, it's like a little tykes program five-year-olds. So I meet with the parents and I say, listen, this is how it's going to be, this is the program, this is what I expect. And the parents have an active role in it. Now I have the next level. You have an academy. There's a program before that called the pre-academy. It's to get the kids from rec ready for the academy. The more advanced type of soccer.
Speaker 2:And so that's what I'm taking raw talent. I'm trying to carve them into soccer players mentally, physically and spiritually, before they go to that academy program. And I meet with the parents before the season starts and I tell them this is my coaching style, this is how I do business, this is what I need from you and this is what I need from the kids. And I remind them this is a training program. The kids are not going to be that good in the beginning, but collectively we as a group should be getting better incrementally as the season goes along. They are very receptive to it because when the parents start getting to that level, that next level of soccer in terms of more advanced, they really want their kids to do well. Some are more hyper-focused on their kids than others. Some are more easy going, like okay, coach, you got them. And some of them are like hey, get over here, run over there, go there. They want to be more involved.
Speaker 2:And that's fine. I take all of it because I have been that parent on the sideline not once, not twice, three times yeah.
Speaker 1:No, that makes a lot of sense. I mean being able to handle that. That takes a special person. I don't think that's easy, especially with so many personalities and so many parents. I give you a lot of props for that. I don't think that's easy, especially with so many personalities and so many parents.
Speaker 2:I give you a lot of props for that. I appreciate it, but part of it is who's teaching? The coaches, See. Right, no one. If you wanted to go coach right now, they would say, okay, give me a background check. Okay, you passed, here's your team. Bye-bye.
Speaker 1:See.
Speaker 2:No one tells you what to do, yeah that's good.
Speaker 1:Who's coaching the coach? Yeah, that that's actually. Uh, that's even a good title for the book too, this is good, james. Um, I wanted to transition into talking about. I know you have other books here, but this is one of the main ones you wanted to to speak on, which was a leadership guide for young, a leadership guide for young girls, uh, and I want you to get more into it, but I'm going to share the book here so people can see it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then read the subtitle.
Speaker 1:And it says Finding and Awakening the Young Leader in you. Nice, this is a beautiful picture, by the way.
Speaker 2:Nice, book, thank you, appreciate it.
Speaker 1:By the way, guys, if you guys are wondering, I will have the links to all the three books in the description of my podcast, my YouTube channel and, of course, I'll be sharing this on my social media. So go ahead, James, get into it. What is this book about? What do you talk about here and why do you feel like it's so important for people parents to read this?
Speaker 2:So I was going to write an adult book on leadership. It was going to be called Real Gritty Leadership. It was going to discuss the different type of people you would find in the work environment. You know, we have people of different ages, of different backgrounds and I wanted to kind of say, when you, you encounter this, this is what you can expect and practice emotional intelligence in the workplace. Right, because you're gonna have you may. You may be of a certain age and your supervisor may be younger. Right, correct, you may be a of a certain you know, maybe a guy, you may have a female for a supervisor, that's not a problem, but for some people it can be.
Speaker 2:What I wanted to do was say listen, this is how you would deal with these situations. This is what you can expect when you're in the office and you have these people. If you're going to be a leader, this is what you can expect when you're in the office. It was going to be an adult leadership book. That was what I was preparing for. I felt inspired to write it, so I was going to write it. Remember, if I'm inspired, I'll write it. I have to be inspired. I can write creatively, right. If you say, hey, write a book about a table, I got you right, I can do it. But when I'm really inspired, I really have to write it. It has to come out. And so I was preparing myself to write this book.
Speaker 2:I was at the library getting my little notes ready, outline everything, and I met at the library. There was a parent who I had coached her daughter. Her daughter was in Girl Scouts and I said hey, you know how you doing as I was leaving, and she said what are you doing here? And I told her what. I was there and I told her what I was going to write and she said I really wish someone would write a leadership book for young girls. Wow, and I just stopped, I just froze, I couldn't move and I was like that's a great idea.
Speaker 2:That's a great idea, but it took about 30 days for me to take my mind and turn it away from the adult book to a book that a young girl could read. Right, and I wrote it. You know, I was inspired to write it because a lady told me, asked me about writing that book for them, for girl scouts, for, uh, young girls, and I absolutely love it and I love all my books, but but I think can be one of the most impactful to the population, to people in general, to young ladies in general. It's focused on young ladies but if I took the content out and changed the cover and the name, it could be for a young guy.
Speaker 2:It can be for young men. It can be for anyone. It talks about you as an individual. Do you know what type of leader you are? Have you thought about? Have you thought about being a leader? Right you know, and that's why the subtitle is finding and awakening the young leader in you, because there's a leader in all of us.
Speaker 1:That's what I was going to ask you. Next, I was like do you believe that there is a leader in all of us?
Speaker 2:And what I tell them is that the leader is not the one who talks the loudest. It's not even the one who goes I'm a leader. Right, the leader can be the last person on the team, who shows up every day, does their job, never complains and totally supportive and gives you 100% every single time. That's a leader of themselves that can influence the others, Because leadership is about influencing the others to get them to finish the project Right.
Speaker 1:I feel like, especially even with your background, you have such an understanding when it comes to leadership. Because of the military right. I got a question how much, how truthful is the phrase you being? You have, in order to be a great leader, you have to be a great follower. You think that applies or do you think a different way? When it comes to leadership, think a different way when it comes to leadership?
Speaker 2:I think if you'd asked me that question 10, 15 years ago, I would have said I don't understand what that means. I have no idea what they're talking about. Right. Right.
Speaker 2:Now, when that question is asked to me, it goes back to what I just said. Question is asked to me, it goes back to what I just said. If I'm a leader right, if I'm on, you know, if you have a team, I'm on your team. I know I can lead a team, but you're the leader of the team, so I'm going to be on your team. I'm going to give you everything I got and support you, no matter what. Now that speaks to that term. I'm a great follower and now I'm supporting leadership. But from my mind, I am an individual leader of myself and I'm going to influence others by being that example, not trying to take your job, I'm trying to just be the best person I can be, support this team, and then I believe I'm going to influence others by doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
Speaker 1:I respect that a lot.
Speaker 1:That is so truthful, though I think within the team, even the leader, even within the team, there's also other people that can lead, but some don't do it the same way as the leader. They just do it either by example or by, like you said, having a lot of discipline, which is such a big word. I think we feel like a lot of people don't take that word and kind of learn what it means and how to even translate that to your day-to-day life, because eventually, the more you learn, the more you grow and the more discipline you have, the better leader you will become, right, right, I feel like it's a natural thing, right? Um, what do you think would be a a good way to to awaken that leader in you? How do you do you, you know, go back and look into yourself? Do you go back and look into yourself? Do you go back and look into your experiences and maybe grow from that? What do you think would be a way, a way to awakening that, that leader? Uh, that you say, uh, you know that that's in you.
Speaker 2:So I think part of the first part is always self-awareness. I think we as a people, as a population, we don't stop and take time to focus on ourselves. Who are you? Who are you as a person? What do you like and don't like and why? Why do you do certain things and why Can you explain to me why you do this and this and this? Do you think about yourself as a leader or a follower? Do you think about yourself as being assertive or not being assertive? It's like how do you think about yourself, how do you see yourself and how do you want to see yourself? We don't stop and do that self-analysis too much anymore. We're so busy going and doing and going and doing that we're not stopping to think about it. And for me, I had the blessing of being able to stop and to think about myself as a person. Who am I?
Speaker 2:And I think part of it was because, you know, brought up that little country lifestyle and then finally leaving there and then going to these big cities and then working and I had to say who am I who? Who is james williams? I, I was. Am I the same 10 year old who was eating cake and ice cream? Am I, you know? Am I the 20 yearold who's eating cheeseburgers at French Fries? Is that the same guy? So what I did was, as I grew older, I would take time to stop and to reflect. And when you're in the military, as you know, you're going to be put into these leadership situations because of your rank, not because of who you are. But who you are because of your rank.
Speaker 2:Not because of who you are, but who you are because of your rank. And so I would see this and I was like okay, I'm now this rank. And they said James, you're in charge of these people, so I'm the leader, and I would go okay, then I need to talk louder, I need to put my finger more, and I got to tell you what to do and I got to get on you if you don't do it. Right, right, that was my idea of a leader. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then, if you look, as I grew older and started doing more reflecting, and I kept asking the question why did you do that? Did I tell you to do that? Mm-hmm, did I teach you to do that? And I said what if people only do what they're taught? So what are they taught? So, as a leader, I need to teach you what I want you to do and how to do it. And you can look at soccer. I'm grinding it out with the kids. This is how I want you to pass.
Speaker 2:This is how your foot should be. This is where you should be when you're playing defense. If I don't teach them how they know what to do Right, yeah, so as a leader, that's what you have to think about. It's not just tell them what to do. Teach them what you want them to do and then hold them accountable to do what you taught them to do Right. That's the leadership. Yeah, it's about teaching, then holding them accountable. But you yourself have to know first. You have to know. You have to be aware of yourself as a leader. Now I'm aware of myself, and now I know what needs to be done to get this project done. Who's on my team? Hey, listen, here's the project. This is how we're going to do it. This is your part. This is what I want you to do. Any questions, any feedback? Okay, here's my expectation. This is when it's due. Let's go.
Speaker 1:Rob Markman the whole game plan. Rob Markman Right.
Speaker 2:Keep it simple for them, but you got to teach them, otherwise they won't know what to do. They're going to do what they think is the right thing to do or what they've been taught somewhere else to do.
Speaker 1:Right. No-transcript glass ceiling. A lot right, especially for women, is is this a thing that you feel like you know exists, or do you? What do you think that has to do with the society and the way we look, that? We look at women as leaders, right, because eventually these young women will become women and one day there will be leaders, right? What do you think that has to do with just society? What role does that play in and maybe, what are your thoughts in regards to that?
Speaker 2:So the glass ceiling? As I understand it, is this ceiling that you can only go so far up the corporate ladder, or as far promotion right.
Speaker 2:Whether you're a woman, whether you're a man, or whether you're of a certain race or whatever. It's like this glass ceiling. This is me personally. Yes, sir, I do not focus on the negative of these type of situations. The reason why is I've seen people advance up to different levels regardless of who they were Right. I go back to the individual. What do you know If you want to get promoted, how do you get promoted? And I don't mean like check the box, check the box, check the box. What do you do? It's a grind.
Speaker 2:And if you look at it from a math perspective, how many high level positions? Are there. High-level positions are there. As you go up, there are less and less.
Speaker 1:The path is narrow. Exactly.
Speaker 2:So if you got 20 people competing for one job and we'll say two of them are ladies and 18 are men, most likely which one is going to get picked? Right, see what I mean yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So let's not look at everything always from a negative perspective. Is that element sometimes present? Yes, I'm not going to say it's not, but it's not what I focus on. I focus on me being the best that I can be, me competing in a savvy way. Who do I know? Have you considered that? That's why I said it's not just checking the box, it's not what you know, it's who you know. Have you tried that? That's why I said it's not just checking the box, it's not what you know, it's who you know.
Speaker 2:Have you tried to form any relationships? Are any of these people your mentors?
Speaker 1:And what you do with what you know Right.
Speaker 2:So it's not just okay, I got a master's degree, I should make it. Oh, I took up this class, I'm certified, I should get promoted. No, you have to start working at different angles and be savvy about it.
Speaker 1:You know what, though? There's a lot of people that look at life that way, though they check the boxes and they think that's it. They think they don't go above and beyond, they don't go and look around, they don't have that self-awareness Like what else can I do better? What else can I be better? At. Because they think if you have the qualifications, sometimes that's not enough, unfortunately, especially nowadays, Right, it's not enough.
Speaker 2:I teach my kids. I say listen, it's not what you know, it's who you know. Get to know everybody, because everybody around you in my opinion, this is how I live Everybody, everybody, you, everybody, everybody I meet, is put into my life to help me be successful. I just don't know your role yet, but that's why you're here. I bet your mom right Right, she's put in my life, she's part of my life now why she wants me to be successful. That's why she's put in my life. That's how I see it. That's a good way to look at it. That's how I see it, yeah.
Speaker 1:That's actually a very beautiful look, very poetic way to look at it. See what.
Speaker 3:I did there. See what I did there. I saw it.
Speaker 2:That was good, that was good Wow.
Speaker 1:No, that's very good, and especially, I think, the knowing people you know. James, when it comes to even being successful and even the leadership role that you're talking about, I think the knowing the people part is important, but also even emphasizing on the skills that you are better at it's also important.
Speaker 1:And then we all have some type of weaknesses, right. But I feel like when you know people, you know yourself. Maybe you know what you're getting yourself into, not just the prerequisites that you have. But I feel like all of that combined and put together, eventually, when you focus on the things you know how to do well and you actually excel at them, then the rest kind of flows down like an umbrella and eventually makes you or gets to the point where you're successful Right.
Speaker 2:And then you know, I always go back to how do you find success right? You can not make that promotion, but you have a great life, you have a great family, you're healthy, you're enjoying yourself. That, to me, is success yeah see 100. It's not always about the money yeah, it's all about being or the status right? Yeah, it's not. Can you get up? Yes. Can you walk? Yes. Do you have a family? Yes. Are you happy?
Speaker 1:yes, can you eat? Yes, yeah, and even if you don't get the promotion, the fact that even the interview could be a lesson for you.
Speaker 2:And then you can use that for your next one and see what you learn right right, or you can meet someone during the interview and they say okay, listen, I only got two positions, someone is more qualified, blah, blah, blah. But we still like you. And that happened to me. I got interviewed for a job.
Speaker 1:Let's hear this. I would love to hear this so people can listen, because it's real, though People do not take advantage of this, but I feel like I have an idea of what you're getting into. Go ahead, let's hear it.
Speaker 2:I got interviewed. What was posted was one job and I went to the interview and the interview room was a conference room. It was about I don't want to exaggerate it was two, four, about six people in there and they all had their own batch of questions to ask and you sat in the middle, six people in the panel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, six people asking you these different questions.
Speaker 2:So I'm in there, they're asking questions. I'm going through it. I think I'm doing really well. I'm just going, going, going, going, going going and we get done. And so, you know, fast forward, they call me and say hey, we want to offer you this position. Okay, great, I got promoted.
Speaker 2:I go in, I meet one of the guys who was on the panel it was two guys and four ladies on the panel and I met one of the guys on the panel. We actually became good friends and he said James, you know there was. He said they really liked two of you. There were two of you that they really liked, and he said and they said, these two are so good, we got to get both of them. And so they gave me one position and they had another position. They gave to the other person and they brought us on board. Now, it could have been one position, it was two. So you just don't know what's going to happen during that interview. That's why you have got to be in there. You got to be in that fighter's mentality. I'm here to win. If I don't get it, I'm going to learn from this experience and maybe I'll meet you, one of you, someplace, and maybe you'll remember me and you'll help me out.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, that's so important. That's really good, and the fact that they created another job for both of you guys you guys must have been really up here. That's so cool.
Speaker 2:It was a very nice experience. I was very happy and from that job I learned so much. It was stressful where it was, but I learned so much how to deal with stress, how to deal with stressful people. Right, you don't think about it. If you're stressed and you're dealing with someone who's stressed, how do you deal with it? You got to take a step back. I had to take a step back. I had to focus on the issue. What I teach now is find the root cause and you attack it Sounds like a health thing to me.
Speaker 2:I've heard of that With integrative health. Whatever the root cause is, you find it and you attack it.
Speaker 2:That's what you fix right there, that root cause, and I try to tell you know, I work with different youth groups and I tell them make sure that whatever it is that you're attacking, do not look past yourself. Are you the root cause? Are you the problem? Did you properly prepare? Don't go there and go. What are you? I just forgot something? Blah, blah, blah. Did you properly prepare? Your lesson is to properly prepare every single time, check and double check, even triple in some cases. Now you go there prepared and ready, you just reduce three quarters of your stress.
Speaker 1:Preparation is always the main part, you know. I think preparation is important in that sense because, especially when it comes to the moment for lack of better words when it comes for your time to shine, you get less nervous and less anxious. Right. And you feel like you're more level-headed when you're going into the task, the interview or whatever you have to do to perform, If it makes you in more of a sound mind, if that makes sense, because you're prepared, because you're confident.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And people can see that on you when that happens.
Speaker 2:There was a quote that I read a long time ago and they said success is three-quarters preparation, one-quarter opportunity. Three-quarters preparation, one-quarter opportunity that's good.
Speaker 1:I've heard something similar to that, but I'm not going to say it because I don't want to botch it either. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. No, that's really good.
Speaker 2:That's how I see it is. When I go someplace, especially someplace new like here, I have to be mentally prepared because this is an opportunity, Right? So it's not. The opportunity itself is going to be there, but am I prepared for it? Yeah.
Speaker 1:Who knows if this is preparing you for a bigger thing in the future. You never know. This prepares you for a bigger thing in the future too. Both of us, I'm telling you. That is good, let's go together.
Speaker 2:No, that's good, because I don't want to go alone. I want to bring as many of the good people along with me, because it is beautiful when we both make it. Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. And you know what's funny? I've thought about myself and I myself don't. I have never really liked reading. Now I have more because of my job, because I read the Bible more or because I want to be more informed right, but in general I never enjoyed reading. But now I'm seeing how much reading can transform you oh my goodness, it can change your life.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness, it's so important how much knowledge you can gain from that. Right. I'm like I've been missing out this whole time. I wish I would have traded a lot of the sports that I played with reading. You know, even you know now that I'm trying to learn how to play the piano. It's just taking time to do other things, uh, to learn, and I feel like the process itself is like it teaches you a lot. It teaches you a lot about yourself and a lot of growth in general.
Speaker 2:No, I totally agree. And when I I was not a big reader, I just didn't do it. I didn't stop and take time to read and I was in the Navy and I was in Japan and I was stationed with the Marines. And there's a Marine, just a random Marine. I've seen him before. I don't even know his name, right, I've seen the guy before.
Speaker 2:He's about a rank or two higher than I am and he's always just kind of a real cool-like guy, just smooth quiet, just handle his business. Cool guy, just smooth quiet, just handled his business. And, for whatever reason, he had this book and he said listen, I read this book, I think you should read it. Oh my God, that was it. It was a simple book. Do you know what book it was? And this book launched my reading. It launched me into reading. Do you know what book it was? And this book?
Speaker 1:launched my reading it launched me into reading.
Speaker 2:What book was that? I don't remember the exact title, but the book was about Elvis Presley's last days. Oh, when he was Up to his death.
Speaker 1:The drug situation he was going through, right yeah.
Speaker 2:The book was talking about. It sounded like about a week or two before he died when they found him right.
Speaker 2:It went through every single day, every single time check. Like 10 o'clock someone came home, he was eating. 12 o'clock he went to lay down it was a time check and at a certain time they found him, wherever they found him, and I was like, oh my goodness, now I watched it. It was probably going up right, I watched his movies going up. But it was just so fascinating to me and that book launched me to start reading. I started reading mysteries, I started reading romance novels, I started reading medical thrillers, just everything I get my hands on, autobots, just everything. Everything. I read so much I can't even remember who I read. I was reading two or three books at a time. That's a lot.
Speaker 2:I was just hungry. I was like, oh my goodness, and I was able to. Like you said, I was able to travel to different places in the book, learn different things, learn new words, increase my vocabulary. Yeah. Absolutely loved it. Even learned a little bit about emotion and just how to be a better communicator. In writing.
Speaker 1:That's one thing I wish I would have. Why I wish I would have read more? Because I feel like my vocabulary, the words, my expressions, even the way I express myself would have been better up to this point growing up, because I feel like I still you know me. I feel like I lack that, even though not too bad. But I wish I would have learned some of those big words earlier on in life, right, even how to write.
Speaker 1:Because, then you use that and you use that in your own way afterwards, even when it comes to school or work, it doesn't matter. I wish I would have gotten into reading because of those things, right.
Speaker 2:No, I totally understand. What I always tell people about communication is make sure your message gets across, so don't worry about the big words. Do they understand what you're saying? Right.
Speaker 2:Are you getting what you want? Are you being productive? That's all that matters. Are you being productive? That's all that matters. But when we start like, if I want to use old English words and speak at that next higher level, good, but am I productive? Do you understand what I'm saying? Are we communicating? Can we talk and share? Right? So I don't want people to focus on what they don't know. I want you to take what you have and use it now for good for yourself and to help others out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you don't want to watch me write an email because I'm no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1:No, that's good. Going back to the book, what do you think, especially in young women and young girls, what do you think is some of the biggest things that they either that you've seen that helps them grow, or that you've seen that they use for their growth, uh, in their life. Is there any specific that you feel like uh catches your attention, that you notice, maybe that you have to teach them anything along those lines?
Speaker 2:so if you look at it from different perspectives, right, let's look at it from a coaching perspective okay there's no difference in my mind in terms of the way I coach between a girl and a boy.
Speaker 2:I don't coach them any differently, right? I'm just as firm. I give them the same information. I'm teaching the same techniques, physical right, same focus, smart soccer no difference. I know that there is a difference between men and women, boys and girls. I know there is a difference. I am mindful of that, I'm hyper mindful of it. But I try to be as straightforward and be myself as possible, right, right. So you know, some people say well, if it's a girl, don't make a joke about weight or the way someone looks and that kind of stuff. Well, I don't do that for a boy.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to make a joke about a guy's weight or how they look or what they're wearing. I keep it neutral and I just be there. I'm there to teach and to show them that I care about you. I love you. Neutral and I just be there. I'm there to teach and to show them that I care about you.
Speaker 3:I love you and I want you to do well right, that that's.
Speaker 2:That's my coaching strategy. That's one. The second thing about the girls what I believe and this may be a bit controversial and that's fine, but I believe that they have so many options in life and they can do so many different things in life that they're not sure what to do. What I see is this sort of like a confusion. Not that they are not smart enough, but they don't know what to do. If I gave you 10 different things here to do, which one are you going to pick? It's a lot Think about it yeah.
Speaker 2:If you can be you know a wife and mother and be home with the kids, or you can do this profession, this profession, this profession, which one do you pick? And then the question I love to ask, because it's always the exact same answer. So tell me what you want to do, I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2:See, all right, yeah, I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want to do, so there's that confusion that goes on with them, and so I just try. When I work with young ladies, I try to be as clear as possible and if they ask me, what do you think I should do, I try to think about them as a person, their personality, the future of what I think they could be good at, and I try to guide them towards one or two, no more than three areas. Limit the options, not limit their options, but limit their options so that they can focus. Because when you got so many options, what do you?
Speaker 1:do so. This is more like a quality over quantity thing, right.
Speaker 2:Because if you don't, it's confusing. When I went and got my degree, I knew exactly what I wanted and why I wanted it. Right, the Navy said we want this type of degree and that's what I went and got. If the Navy didn't say that, but you said hey, james, what are you going to get a degree in? I have no idea. None, business, basket weaving, I don't know. See, yeah. So every time I got my degrees, it was always because I had a certain idea or job in mind that I wanted to do.
Speaker 2:If not, I have no idea what to pick. Do I pick what I want to do or do I pick what's going to get me a job and make some money? And a lot of people are telling people, tell me what you want to do. They don't know. Yeah, and I like this one example that I heard. The guy said listen, get a degree or a job, what you want to do is what's going to make you money. And he said here's why. The guy said I think it was fishing. He's like I like fishing, but I can't make any money off of fishing. I like playing tennis. I can't make any money off of playing tennis. See what I mean? Yeah.
Speaker 2:So let's steer them towards something that they can do job-wise, make some money and have a decent living, and teach them that this is part of how life is. It's part of the grind. I was with my youth group and I said, listen, if you look at the totality of people and jobs and income and that kind of stuff, you have the bottom 10% struggling. You have the 75% lower middle class to upper middle class enjoying life and loving life. You have the upper 10% who are the millionaires and billionaires. Most of us live here and we're happy, you're happy here. Now the kids nowadays are being hyper-exposed to millionaires and billionaires, right? So what do they say? I want to be a millionaire.
Speaker 2:So you're trying to go for the top 10%. That's fine. I'm not here to hold you back. What's your plan? How do you become a millionaire? Show me, show me how you become a millionaire. I can show you how to become a plumber, electrician. You can make $150,000, $200,000 a year. Enjoy your life. Work and feel like you're a productive member of society. Enjoy your family.
Speaker 1:And eventually you can become a millionaire. It'll just take you a little bit longer, see.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I just try to put them in, that I don't put them there. I want them to realize that most of us, this is where we live and we're happy. Right. And one guy said why you want to put us in a box. I'm not putting you in a box. If you want to go for that, go ahead. I'll be over here asleep because I gave my eight hours and I worked as hard as I could.
Speaker 1:I'm going to bed. Let me know how it feels to become a millionaire. You know what, though? There's people that are content and happy with not even making an excessive amount of money, because they appreciate other parts of life. They value the family time, their living lifestyle over just the monetary side of it, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I said before. Can you get up? Yes. Can you walk yes. Can you eat yes. Do you have someone who cares about you? Yes, you're blessed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, that's a great life Perspective, ladies and gentlemen. See, yeah, and that's what I focus on.
Speaker 2:For me, it's never about the money. The money is to support the people that I love. If it wasn't for them, who knows what I'd be doing. Right. Everything I do is for them, Not for me. For them. Are you happy? Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel safe and secure? I'm happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because they're happy. That's beautiful man, that really is. That's a great example. Do you feel like writing books and then you know teaching kids and being that example, sometimes even to them, a father figure, a coach? Do you feel like that's part of your purpose in life? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I love that Absolutely and that's why I said, when I go to the soccer fields and I have these 20, some kids in front of me, these are not 20 soccer players, these are 20 of my kids. I'm responsible for them, their safety, their welfare. I'm totally responsible for them. And I I, when I went through this transformation it was the first transformation was trying to be a better person, trying to be be a better coach. Right, that was the first one. The second one was finding that purpose in life and that was I need to make, I need to give and to share. And if I'm going to work with you, I need to work with you and I need to share myself so we all can be better.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying I'm a saint or I'm perfect. What I'm saying is that I want to help people. And so when I started volunteering with the youth groups and I saw and talked to the young men and I said, hey, you're a young Christian man, right? Do you know who you are? That's who you are. So when you go someplace and you're exposed to something, remind yourself of who you are. You're a young Christian man.
Speaker 2:Would a young Christian man do this, then why are you doing it you?
Speaker 1:see what I'm saying. It's a lot of self-reflecting, yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, I want you to think about it, because right now they're just doing, just doing hey, try this, hey, try this. All these different options, what do I do? Well, I don't know what you should do, but try this right here, see what happens.
Speaker 2:Right. So I want them to think about that. And so when I started working with them, that's when I said I think my purpose is a little bit broader, I think I need to reach out, and so I've been working a lot with the young men and my vision, what I would love to happen, is to work with a group of young men and a group of young ladies and at some point bring them together to talk so that you can hear what the ladies are saying and how they're feeling, because right now you don't know. You think you know, but you don't know. I you think you know, but you don't know. I want you to hear them say how they feel when you break their heart, when you talk a certain way to them, when you treat them a certain way. I want you to hear it.
Speaker 2:There was an example someone said to me about a week ago to hear it. There was an example someone said to me about a week ago I think the young lady went on a date and the guy opened the door for her and the guy paid for the food and the guy met the parents and shook the hand of the dad and said please and thank you, and the young lady was overjoyed. Why? Why are you overjoyed? That's what the man should do. Right.
Speaker 2:But because we don't do it that much anymore. She was just so surprised that he actually did it and so happy. I want to get us back to that. It's not getting us back to a tradition. I'm trying to get the individual to get back to being a good person and working with the other people.
Speaker 1:You know what, though, james? I feel like the importance of this example, specifically of a man understanding emotions and feelings, is something that, especially being exposed at a young age, could really benefit them later on in life to become a better son, better father, better husband. Absolutely, because, as men, society tells you to be a certain way, and this is just a lot of roughness. Even sometimes we don't even know how to express to other people, other men, other family members, even maybe one day, our spouses how we feel, because we've never learned. When you're exposing them at a young age, they understand that vulnerability is okay, it's not a negative right.
Speaker 1:But it helps you build relationships later on in the future. Right.
Speaker 2:And it's also a way of communicating Right. Right.
Speaker 2:If I'm going to put on this front of being this tough guy all the time. But I'm suffering Inside, right yeah, and I'm in pain. But I'm not telling you. I'm putting on this hard face. I can't enjoy, I can't enjoy my life. I can't even enjoy you. Oh, you said something. I didn't hear you because my pain is way louder than what you're saying.
Speaker 2:So I want to get them to a place where they can talk and to share Part of what I tell them now. What I've been telling them now is go back and have this adult conversation with your parents. You're a man. You have to start having adult conversations sooner rather than later, and you need to have them with your parents. Ask your parents. Tell me how it was when you grew up. Tell me the good, the bad and the ugly. Tell me and just be quiet and they will tell you everything. Be prepared. Some of it would not be pretty, because their parents have been through a lot. It's not going to be pretty, but this is part of being a man. You have to be a young adult and mature about it. Listen, ask questions, because somewhere in their history you will see them and you'll see yourself.
Speaker 2:Because, their history is part of yours.
Speaker 1:No, you're definitely. You're definitely a writer. I'm telling you, you're definitely a writer. My name is Luke. It's going just like that.
Speaker 2:That's really good.
Speaker 1:James, I like that. Now you're bringing the heat with you. No, that's awesome. Um, I've got a quick question. Um, what? And this is just, I guess even more for me, but I'm sure there's people out there that would like to learn what is the process like of writing a book and and I know you've shared your personal but like, what is like the how do you go from point A to the finish line right Of writing a book. I would love to learn more about that if you like to share it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, for different writers do things differently, so I'll tell you how I do it. All right, okay, I start out with the title. The title is the hardest part for me. Okay. Because I'm trying to be creative. I'm trying to capture the book, I'm trying to capture the end of the book, I'm trying to capture the story. I'm trying to capture everything in that title Good, bad or indifferent.
Speaker 2:Trying, that's just my writing style right I want the title to matter for me, right? So I start with the title. That's first and foremost. I got the title and my focus point is the title. Does everything I'm about to write and create fit into the title? That's one second. I do outline, so what exactly do I want to talk about? What is the first part? What is the chapter? What is this? What are the details in this chapter? And I write out my outline before I do anything. The outline is my guide to write. I feel like everything that I need is in here, right, but this tells me what I should be focused on. So if I'm focusing on, like the coaching book, one of the tips about safety, okay, so one of the tips is safety, got it. So tell me everything about safety and I just write. Now there is something I call the zone Locked in. Oh, my goodness, it is the most beautiful feeling to be in the zone, the writing zone. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Everything comes to you. It's almost like you cannot type fast enough you can't. It's just coming to you and I'm always careful because, for me, I go into my zone through listening to Native American flute music.
Speaker 1:I've never heard of that. I've never heard of that in my life, never.
Speaker 2:One of the guys I listen to. I want to say his name is Carlos.
Speaker 1:He must be good, he is good.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you, I listen to that and that takes my mind, it removes. Remember, they're speaking a language I don't understand In some cases. In some cases it's just music. It's that Native American flute music and I see the image that he's trying to create with this music. Am I that warrior? Am I on the hunt, right? Am I in that leadership position? Am I working with my other warriors as we go out to war? Right? Did one of the warriors get hurt or injured? Is this music sad? It's taking me as like oh my goodness, my brother was hurt. This is a fallen warrior, right? So I just take that music and let it just take my mind and it takes out words in my mind. It takes out chaos, it takes out stress, it takes everything out of my mind. It clears my mind, except for what I'm trying to write about, and now I see what comes into focus is what I'm about to write about.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I see it and I always say one prayer. When I write one prayer, and my prayer is, I say God, don't tell me what to write, please, but everything I've been exposed to, let it come to me freely. I want it to be all right here and then I will pick and choose what goes into and how it goes. But just open my mind up and just let everything I know, just let it come to me. I want to be able to see it and remember. The music has taken everything out and what's there is all these words, everything I've been exposed, all these experiences. Any creativity I have is right there, and then I just been exposed All these experiences.
Speaker 2:Any creativity I have is right there, right. And then I just start writing and I just write, I just write, I just write.
Speaker 1:You know, when I picture art, this is what I envision right here, seriously, not like the painting on the walls where they just throw paint at it and you know that's art Like this is what I envision Like. This is pure art at its best. You know, like you're in the zone, you're in your moment. You know, in video game we call that zone, we call it flow state, and that's the first thing I think I'm on. You're in flow state, right you're. You're just, you're just making it happen. You don't even you're just making it happen, right, you're not even thinking it's like, it's like the matrix, you know, but I it's. That's a wonderful thing to hear, because you do get in that zone and you do get in in writing and I feel like I, that happens to me, but in other situations in life. But I wonder what it would be like in writing and that must be like such a good feeling it feels so good now.
Speaker 2:Conversely, what is the worst feeling?
Speaker 1:It's when somebody disturbs you, when you're in the zone and the flow stays the same.
Speaker 2:It is one of the worst feelings and I've had it happen and I almost, when I go to different places to write, whether it's in my house or in the library, I'm almost like the dog trying to find the right place to use the restroom. I go over here, I look, I adjust myself. I go over here, I look and I try to find the right place where it's not too much of a distraction, where I got clear focus on what I'm trying to do. It has to be not perfect, because if it has to be perfect, I would never start writing. So I have to prepare myself mentally. Don't look for the perfect place, just find a good place, get settled, go into your zone and then start writing. And so when I get to the library, it's funny to me, but it probably looks like I'm a weirdo, because I have my little briefcase with my laptop in it and I'm walking around the library looking for a good place to sit right and it's near a window, which I like, being near a window.
Speaker 1:So you can look out. While you're in there, I can look out. I can see the weather.
Speaker 2:It's a free-flowing, you know the whole. Sometimes people say feng shui with the window, the stuff is coming in, nothing's blocking it. I like to see people, but not too many people. I like to make sure my back is covered right, so I like to kind of sit up against the wall so no one can come behind me. Just different things I have that I like. But when I go into that zone and I start writing, you know I just love it, but then there's someone. Sometimes someone will come by and go, excuse me.
Speaker 1:Oh no.
Speaker 2:And then you know I gotta, okay, try to refocus, try to refocus, but sometimes it's hard and I can't. I have to leave because I can't refocus.
Speaker 1:That right there just ruined the moment. Wow, I can't.
Speaker 2:So that's why you know the zone is beautiful. But um, you know, when someone disturbs it, it can be it can set me back a little bit yeah, but I try to. I've gotten better at dealing with that because it's one of those things in life you got to deal with, right people walking by, kids running, someone bumps your table, someone drops something go. Hey, excuse me, can I grab this real quick? Whatever, it's something that I have to learn to deal with.
Speaker 1:Do you have someone after you're done that proofreads it, or do you just read it yourself and you post it out, or you make the book? How does that work so?
Speaker 2:all three of these books, all three. I've written four. Now the fourth one, like I said to you, has been published my Top Ten Rules for Eating how I Lost 30 Pounds. Right, the one I sent to you, so that one I don't have printed out yet. But these three do not have, have not been proofread except by me. Now you may find a word out of place in a couple of them and I had the chance to change it and I said no, I said I'm not going to change it. I said I want them to know I'm not perfect. This is what I created. I did it from the heart. It's not perfect. I'm not perfect. I want the amateur writer to see it and go oh my goodness, he made a mistake, but he still wrote it. Nothing will stop this person. Write, just write. And part of it is because of what this one writer said. They said what happens when you get a writer's block? Right? What is that?
Speaker 2:Writer's block is when you cannot write.
Speaker 1:It's like you can't think of anything to write yeah Right, you can't think of anything to write.
Speaker 2:It's like a mental block. Yeah Right, you can't think of anything to write. You're like I can't think of anything to write. I need, oh, what do I say? I can't think of anything to say. And what they said was they said just write. They said it's easy to edit words than to edit a blank piece of paper.
Speaker 1:Wow paper. Wow, that is actually I can see that.
Speaker 2:So I just wrote I did the best I could editing it and I wanted to tell people that perfection is not. I'm not perfect. Someone who was an amateur wrote this. My third book has been proofread. You probably won't find any, you know. If you do find anything, you got to be like really looking to find it, but I thought I did a pretty good job. I would probably give it a 99.9% approval rating for editing.
Speaker 1:That's really good.
Speaker 2:You won't find any misspelled words, but you may find one word that may be out of place, maybe, and I doubt it. How many people have found it? One person?
Speaker 1:You know I've found missing words in the Bible before, like letters that have been that maybe I don't know of me, but I've well, at least in the Bible that I have there's sometimes that I feel like there's words out of place that doesn't make sense. I don't know if that's like biblically correct. I may be wrong, or I was like, oh, it's just a little mistake. I mean, it's a big book, I don't blame them. Like that's the way I think. I'm like, okay, I don't blame you, this is a lie.
Speaker 2:It's a lot to write and read. Well, I think Bible, some of the old ones written in that old English language, like the King James, yeah, the King James but there are different versions of them.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, some of them are written in that old language. I don't mess with those I know, Some of them are written now more in the contemporary language, and those are the ones I like to read, because it's written more in a way we can understand it. I like those better, yeah.
Speaker 1:NIV versions, versions and stuff like that. Yeah, I know 100. Yeah, I like. I like so much easier to understand I know when I started reading the bible, I started reading it like the king james version, like the complicated one, and I'm like how do I understand that? Exactly, and then you're like oh, there is a bibles that are for, uh, people who are learning, so get that. And then there's different versions.
Speaker 2:Lighter words.
Speaker 1:Get that oh okay, oh, okay, cool perfect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and some of them have commentary in them. There's one, I forgot what it's called Bible Gateway. I want to say this online. I just learned that you can click on a book. It will show you the different chapters. It will give you a one or two word sentence about what that chapter is about.
Speaker 1:That's actually really good. So you can kind of memorize it a little bit easier.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you want to look at James. It'll say, okay, james, chapter 1 is talking about this. James chapter 2 is talking about this. Genesis chapter 1 is talking about this. So it's like it tells you what the chapter is about before you read it. So if you want to know, like, what happened here, it's like this is what happened. This happened with Elijah, this is what happened with James, what happened with in the beginning, you know, in Genesis, right?
Speaker 1:I love it. No, me too, james, when you come up with the other book, you might have to stop by again and to stop by again and come back again.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I would love to come back. I appreciate you for this opportunity. I hope that the message and the purpose for which it was intended is met Right. I hope that this is something that will blow up for you Right and be successful for you. That's what I hope, and pray for you. No, thank you For you too.
Speaker 1:I know this is a lot of work that you've put in for and for the people that are listening and watching on YouTube. I will definitely on my social media I will reference the links to your books, but also I would like to give to some people. I'll give them away, man, because this I feel like it's so important, especially with friends that I have that have kids. It's something that I would love for them to read, because you've been through the process, you've had so much experience in this, and what a better way to learn than somebody else's experience and life experience right, that's, I mean. You walk that path, right, you know what I mean. That's so important.
Speaker 2:Is there anything else that you would like to share in this podcast today, or any messages that you have for parents, coaches, kids, anything you'd like to say to the community. Absolutely, I think what I want to share with them is one of the things I mentioned before, and that is let's press pause on our busy lives. Let's stop and think about who we are and what we're doing. Let's just pause for a second. Let's stop with the busy I got to go here. Let's stop with the turn the TV on. Let's stop with you know we got to go there and all these different things. Let's just stop for a second and let's just think about who we are and then let's talk to each other. What I would like for the parents to do is to start sharing with the kids their life, their childhood, the lessons that they learned with their kids, and not just talking at them. I want them just to try to teach the kids those lessons that they learn and help the kids to understand what they went through to get to this point, and then I want them to share with the kids what they think about their kids. So, if my son is here, hey, listen, I got two sons, james and Blaze. James, this is how I see you as a young man. I think you're good at this. I think you're good at this. I think maybe you want to focus on this. Maybe you have to try to improve this area right here. I want you to be honest with them.
Speaker 2:When I was doing all that reading, there was a book that I read. It was called the Five Mothers, and they took different. They went to different cultures like Italian, german, american and something else, and they said this is how each of these different mothers from their different cultures raised their kids, and the one that struck me and stayed with me the most was the French. The French and part of it was the French were so open and honest with the kids. Uh, if the kids were, maybe the kids were short, right, they said listen, you're not that tall, you know this and I know this. That's not a bad thing. It just you're not that tall. You know this and I know this. That's not a bad thing. It just means you're not that tall.
Speaker 3:You still can be just as successful you can just because you're short doesn't mean that you're going to not be successful, like they're just honest with them when they give them that positive way out.
Speaker 2:And I and I always just kind of stuck with me there was the Italian one that there was a piece of it about teaching the kids to be independent. And they would say, you know, I mean this book was years ago, over 20 years ago and they would say, you know, they would send a child to the store with the money at seven, eight years old by themselves to buy the groceries and come back home and I said, oh, I need to teach my kids independence and how to be mature and responsible. I need to be honest with them about who they are and what they can you know as a person and things they need to prove on, and why this is important. Why is reading important? Why is learning math important? Why is learning about money is important? And so what I want the parents to do is stop, just pause, think about themselves.
Speaker 2:What I want the parents to do is stop, just pause, think about themselves. I want them to share more with their kids, honestly with their kids, age appropriate with the kids, and I want them to really start developing those relationships where they're communicating, teaching the kids how to communicate early. It's kind of like when I talk to these young men and I tell them, I say you have to be able to explain everything you do. Can you do that? Can you explain in a way for someone to understand why you made this decision, and can you express your emotions? Tell me why you feel this way, tell me and so you know. I really want the kids to focus on the parents to focus on, with the kids communication, how to properly communicate. I want them to focus on all the ways you communicate, but mainly that verbal.
Speaker 1:That's what I want, I want that verbal communication.
Speaker 2:Can we have a conversation? Can we talk? We've been talking and I'm telling you I don't want to leave. I got 10 billion more things to talk about.
Speaker 1:It's good, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't want to leave, right, see, yeah, so that's what I want the kids to experience. And when I told my kids, I said if you want to experience true pleasure, it is through communication. When you can express yourself, you feel so good. When you can understand what someone is saying, they can understand you. It's a very good feeling, right. So that's why I want them to focus on the communication for the kids.
Speaker 1:Wow, you know, james, I've heard of Shakespeare in the past, but you might be the closest thing I've ever met or I've ever been around Shakespeare.
Speaker 1:You know I'm serious, this is really good. You know what, though? I would definitely love to have you back, especially. You know, if you want to come back, you're always welcome, but you know, when the book comes out and the other one comes out, I would love to, you know, just get to even read that. That's so important, especially health, absolutely. Yeah, james C Williams, you even have an author name, that this is very seriously. Thank you for coming on. You know, again, I would love to have you back, and thank you for sharing so much knowledge for myself, for the people.
Speaker 1:Listening, for the people watching is very important, and I'm sure they can take that with them in their daily, day-to-day life, and also, um, eventually, if they become parents even when I become parent, you know, I would love to, to to go back to these books and just read, because I know it'll teach me a thing or two so I can apply that to my kids very nice.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. Thank you appreciate it thank you, guys.
Speaker 1:If you are listening through all the audio platforms, don't forget you can rate the podcast. You know, give it a little five star. You can also watch this video on YouTube on 4K on my channel, carlos Granados, so you can search Carlos Granados podcast. Thank you, guys for almost 5,000 subscribers on my YouTube channel. We're close to a million views on the total views for the channel. Also a million views on the total views for the channel and we are starting this new episode with you, james, for the 2025 season with the podcast.
Speaker 1:So I took a little break, probably like a month or two, but we're back at it. We're back into the grind and we hope that we can keep growing and keep affecting and keep changing lives for the positive. So thank you sir, for being here, I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you, I usually pound it. Thank you, thank you, oh, I usually pound it with my friends. See you guys later. Bye, bye.