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Carlos Granados Podcast
Welcome to the Carlos Granados Podcast. In this podcast, I will discuss my health journey, news, updates, and educational content surrounding my life, and anything and everything that I enjoy. This is my introduction to my new podcast through "Youtube Podcast". I decided to expand my horizons and let you into my life outside my health journey. You can watch clips and full videos in 4k on my YouTube channel "Carlos Granados".
Carlos Granados Podcast
Navigating the Tumult of Postpartum Depression: Jazmine's Journey and Paths to Healing
The raw and often unspoken struggles of postpartum depression and anxiety spring to the forefront as my guest, Jazmine, lays bare her own harrowing journey. From sleepless nights to the gripping clutches of anxiety and hallucinations, she delivers a testament to the resilience required in the face of new motherhood's mental health battles, especially within the Hispanic community where silence too often prevails. I opened up alongside Jazmine, discussing the role of medication, the hesitancy to seek help, and the profound way family support and faith can anchor us through the storm.
As we navigate the complexities of mental health, we address the stark realities of these conditions juxtaposed with the hope and solace found in therapy and spiritual grounding. Our conversation traverses the transformative landscape of finding strength in faith, embracing the support of a shared background with therapists, and the therapeutic power of prayer. We illuminate the broad spectrum of experiences from those who face these battles, including the deep introspection and character-building that arise from such trials, emphasizing the importance of having a reliable and compassionate support system.
The ripple effect of postpartum depression continues as we contemplate the profound life decisions that follow, such as expanding one's family and the role partners play in navigating these mental health challenges. Moreover, our discussion ventures into the cathartic realm of channeling personal struggles into creative outlets, highlighting the process of writing and publishing as a form of healing and support. In sharing these vulnerable and empowering narratives, we aim to bolster the bonds of our listener community, offering a beacon of understanding for those traversing similar paths and affirming our commitment to enhancing postpartum awareness and mutual support.
But all of a sudden my anxiety just got higher and higher and higher, to the point that I did not sleep for three days. It was really bad, Like when I tell you not to sleep. I know some people say that, but they still got one or two hours. No, I'm talking about zero minutes zero. On the third day I was pretty much hallucinating.
Speaker 3:So and you believe there was all because of postpartum depression Like this is like that was hitting you.
Speaker 1:It was something. It was something I just couldn't sleep, like I was just restless. I was filled with fear, like I thought I was going to die, like it was so much fear that I had. I'll be like screaming my lungs out in the middle of the night because I didn't know what was happening.
Speaker 3:Like actual screaming.
Speaker 1:Actual screaming.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 1:I'll be like getting up out of the bed and I'll be walking in circles. I remember this and I'll be like what am I going to do? What am I going to do? I was literally losing it, like something's going to happen, something's going to happen to me. I was afraid of absolutely everything.
Speaker 3:And you didn't know where it was coming from.
Speaker 1:Well, in my head I was like this is postpartum right Is this what this is Like is this my anxiety? Is this the fear? Is this like? At this point I also got spiritual. Is this the enemy just taking hold of me right now, Like what is happening?
Speaker 3:Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Carlos Granados podcast, and today I have, of course, another special guest and we're going to talk about a new topic, a new interesting topic. But before we get into it, I want to thank everybody who has been subscribing to my channel, who has been listening to, listening on Apple, apple podcast, spotify and Amazon music. I appreciate all the love that I've gotten and you know it's been a blessing. Just keep writing for you guys. So, without further ado, let me introduce my new and special guest, jasmine. How are you doing today? I am doing amazing. I told you I was going to click that for a get in. How are you?
Speaker 1:I'm doing good. I'm doing good. Your house is beautiful. I have to say that Thank you so much.
Speaker 3:I appreciate it. I think my I have a nice little setup. It's nothing crazy. People don't know sometimes you didn't that I recorded on my camera.
Speaker 1:But yeah, but I love it, I enjoyed it and like I'm ready to talk about anything, awesome, awesome.
Speaker 3:Now. But we got a special topic that we're going to talk about and is postpartum depression and anxiety. You've been through that and for the listeners and watchers out there, I do want to say this is a might be a sensitive topic to a lot of people. We had a sensitive topic and a very you know just deep topic last week and I've kind of forgot to mention anything because I know it was going to get that far in that deep. But today I will mention that. So, if you guys are listening or are watching, just letting you guys know that it might get really deep as Jasmine shares her story and, of course, you know, having listened to a lot of it myself, so I'm preparing myself for that. So, jasmine, let's get into it.
Speaker 3:But you know what is postpartum depression, what was it like for you? And even anxiety, how did you handle that? What did you go through? Tell me a butcher story. I would love to listen to all of this because to me as a man, this is first of all new. To me, yes, and around my family I feel like even the present anxiety when it comes to like cultural and like in Hispanic households, we don't take that too serious Mental health and stuff like that. At least that's been my experience. So I want to know, like, what was it like with you and you know what happened?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, like you were saying, you know mental health, unfortunately it's not taken that seriously. I guess in Hispanic households unfortunately it's not like he's not taken seriously, it's more like you know they think you're going to get over it really fast. So you know, if you tell, you know maybe your parents or grandparents like, oh, I feel anxious or depressed or something like that, they might be like you know, just get going. You know do something. You know get busy. Maybe you need to like go outside for a little bit and then you'll be okay until you know maybe one of them or you know they realize that you're not okay and it's been like it's something that's like constantly, like it's an everyday kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Like you're always on a low mood or you're not feeling okay, but in my case, I feel like I. It took me by surprise. I didn't know that I was going to deal with postpartum depression and anxiety. Now, I've had depression I guess mild depression and anxiety when I was like a teenager. Okay, my moods were usually, like you know, up and down as a teenager, but I feel like that's something that maybe, like you, deal with.
Speaker 1:I don't know if that happened to you, like you hit like poverty, like, for some reason, like your hormones are all over the place and then, like your emotions are like also, like you're kind of trying to discover yourself too Right In the midst of everything. So at the time, obviously as a teenager, I was like, oh my gosh, this is horrible, like it felt like an end of the world kind of thing. And my mom, you know, as usual my mom, has always been there by my side. She was there for me the whole during the whole process, you know. But it obviously does not compare when I actually got hit with the postpartum. You can't compare it to that.
Speaker 3:So you feel like that was in another, different level.
Speaker 1:Yes, so when I do like a parallel parallel on both, like obviously, like the postpartum was way worse than what I thought it was like when I was a teenager.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:And, like I said I, the likelihood of me going through that was higher just because I experienced it through my younger years.
Speaker 3:That's interesting.
Speaker 1:Which I didn't know until I gave birth and I went to my doctor and she will ask me like how are you doing, how's the baby doing, and everything. And I'll be like, well, I'm being feeling very angry. Wow, I've been very angry Like I'm being getting emotional about just random things, things that I was like a little kid. I was just getting angry about random stuff, just crying about almost everything. It felt like I literally was on, like my woman's cycle in a way, but severe.
Speaker 3:On steroids.
Speaker 1:Yes, pretty much. Pretty much. So she was like, and then that's when she asked me that question have you dealt with depression and anxiety when you were a teenager, or when you were younger, or do you recall any of that? Or do you do your family members have the experiences before, Because it also affects if you. If not, if you didn't experience it, but a family member did a close one, Then he can also, like you know, put you in on that.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's interesting actually that they even mentioned that. Who would have thought?
Speaker 1:So I was like you know what, Now that you mentioned it, when I was a teenager, I did struggle with my emotions a lot. I did go through periods of anxiety, depression and whatnot. And she was like okay, well then, this is unfortunately what's going to happen to you, you know. That's why you're going through this. And usually I think they say one in four women actually experience Postpartum depression. But not every woman realizes that that's what it is. They just think it's like, oh, my hormones are trying to regulate, it's going to go away, or they ignore it. In my case, I just couldn't ignore it, Like it was just it was, I didn't feel like myself.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 1:And I was getting really frustrated because I was like I am not like this, like what is happening, and the easiest solution, of course, is to always give you medication. That's the first thing she did. She was like so do you want to be on medication? And I was like, oh man, I don't like medication, like I am very reluctant, like I've always been like that my family has always been like that unless it's super necessary. Right.
Speaker 1:You know, unless you just got out of surgery, you definitely eat the medication, the painkillers or whatnot. And I was like I guess I can try it. My mom obviously was against it. She was like, so what did the doctor say? And I was like she gave me. I think it was surgery.
Speaker 3:I don't think I've heard of that one.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I don't. I don't know if that's a commercial name, I don't, I don't remember. It's called surgery, I don't know if it's Alexa pro, I don't know but it was anxiety medication, it was for depression, for depression, and then she's like it's going to help you in like four to six weeks is going to kick in and I'm like, no, I wanted to work right now so I can be okay.
Speaker 3:I wonder why it's take takes that long yeah.
Speaker 1:I was already very frustrated and angry about everything. So when she said it's going to take four to six weeks, I was like I can't wait. I can't wait Like can you give me something that's going to work right now? And she's like it doesn't work like that.
Speaker 3:Dang. So what did you have to do?
Speaker 1:So I tried to take the medication for like two days.
Speaker 3:And it didn't make you feel. Did you give it like a side effect of anything, or you just didn't like the taste, or what did you like about it?
Speaker 1:I it just I don't know. It kept me like, it made me like. It made me feel like I had two, like three cups of coffee. In a way, it just kept me too awake and like, all of a sudden, everything was exciting and like, and I was like. It just made me feel weird, like how did I go from like feeling really low to like oh my gosh, everything is wonderful in a way. But just kind of coating everything else that I was feeling within, because I still had moments of sadness, of course.
Speaker 3:So kind of putting like a bandaid over it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I, and I didn't like it. It also gives you physical symptoms, so it can make you feel nauseous or upset your stomach really bad and of course, it did that to me. I did not like it at all. Wow.
Speaker 3:Wow, you know. You mentioned that. You know your mom was against taking the medication Again. Is this back to like because she doesn't believe in it, or is that what it is Cause? Stephanie the, the guest I had last week she, and she also kind of looked at the medication as like I don't know. Maybe family looks, looks at anxiety or depression medication as like a sign of weakness.
Speaker 3:Cause you're taking things that you know for your brain and you just, like you were talking about earlier, get over with sleep. You know, sleep it off or you'd be better type deal. But sometimes I think I don't know. I feel like the the mental health issues get to a point where it's just like you can't just do that. You might need something else. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So what do you?
Speaker 3:think that was.
Speaker 1:Um, my mom didn't think I needed it just because I wasn't like this before giving birth or even through pregnancy. My pregnancy was very smooth, like I didn't have the crazy symptoms that sometimes you get, like the terrible nausea and all of those things. It was very smooth.
Speaker 3:Like it was he was.
Speaker 1:Lucas was just like a blessing, Like he gave me no issues until we came out. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:They just came when he was out and I don't know, my mom saw it as like, as something that was temporary. So she's like this is temporary. This is not you. You don't like. You haven't been struggled with depression your whole life or anxiety your whole life. You know you have seasons where, yeah, you can struggle with it, but it's not severe. So do you want to really depend on this medication? That's how she will see it and I was like I don't want to depend on medication because taping or tapering off I think that's how they say it you know cause you have to do that. You can just go cold turkey, like. You can just like one day decide not to take it Once you start taking it constantly, because it can really affect you.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:So I was thinking about that too. Like if I take this for what? One year? Cause they were telling me like you might have to take it for one year or two years and then all of a sudden not take it, that will definitely do something to your brain. I feel like you would.
Speaker 3:Yeah, plus you kind of might have to get used to that medication and coming off of it. And then what if?
Speaker 1:you get it again. Like I was thinking that too. Like what if I start a medication one year, two years? Okay, I'm cool. And then okay, now you can stop taking it slowly. And then what if those symptoms come again?
Speaker 3:So you believe that the medication probably only suppress it for that one year and then eventually not kind of cured the bottom line like the root cause of your issues?
Speaker 1:I believe so I'm more towards like therapy, or if you're going to take a medication, I really feel like you should do both. I really feel like you should do therapy and medication alongside, if that's really what you need, because in my opinion I feel like medication on its own is not really going to solve all of your problems. I feel like talking it out with someone, with a professional, and saying how you really feel like you will really make you, like you know, get better Right Wow. I don't know why you think about that.
Speaker 3:No, I mean so I actually with when it comes to medication itself, there are some things that I, you know, believe that Can help you a lot. I couldn't take when I was going through like my anxiety problems and stuff. I tried medication one time but I couldn't handle it because of my GERD problem, so I really didn't know how it gives you those symptoms.
Speaker 3:See, and I already am sensitive for that, I'm already sensitive to GERD because I've suffered from that. So when I take anxiety medication Then it makes it worse. At night I wasn't able to sleep. I mean, I was able to get, like first of all, like maybe three, four hours of sleep, but it was hard going to sleep in the first place, even if I took the medication in the morning you know I could eat, drink Throughout the day and it's not like it's flushing it out.
Speaker 3:I feel like it's still in my stomach and those symptoms gave me a lot of like acid issues and I wasn't as an able to go to sleep. A lot of medications that are strong Effect me like that and I think, at least personally for me, it's one of the. It's so one of the things that is very unfortunate, because there's things that can help you.
Speaker 1:Yeah but I still can't take it. It's not like the side effect. Yeah, and you hear it when you hear it on the ads too, like it's like this helps with diabetes and it's like it's death is literally death. I see it all the time I'm not taking it. I'd rather have the diabetes, whatever, or the hypertension. Side effects death.
Speaker 3:I Commercials were like they do give like a new drug or whatever. But side effects are, and I'm like.
Speaker 1:Kidney disease and all of these things and I'm like, why are you doing here?
Speaker 3:It may cause diarrhea, back pain, stomach aches, whatever, and I'm just like blindness, bird blurry vision, anything, heart attack Like you.
Speaker 1:Just a whole list. So I don't know. I guess it's the big pharma thing.
Speaker 3:I don't know, I'm just now we're gonna definitely get into a mix. We might get canceled. No, we're good, so continue to your story then. So what ended up happening after the medication, like? What continued after that? What were you feeling? What did you do?
Speaker 1:So you know, the interesting part is that when I gave birth In, I had the moods and everything that's. When I went to the doctor she tried to give me the medication and whatnot, and I tried it for one or two days and I was like, oh, I can't do this anymore. And then Christmas passed by, I was okay in a way, and then new years as well, and then the first second week of January, something happened in my brain. I don't know what happened, I don't know what it was, but all of a sudden my anxiety just got higher and higher and higher, to the point that I did not sleep for three days. It was really bad, like when I tell you not sleep. I know some people say that, but they still got one or two hours. No, I'm talking about zero minutes zero.
Speaker 1:On the third day I was pretty much hallucinating.
Speaker 3:So and you believe there was all because of postpartum depression like this is like that was hitting you.
Speaker 1:It was something. It was something I just couldn't sleep, like I was just restless. I was filled with fear, like I thought I was gonna die, like it was so much fear that I had. I'll be like screaming my lungs out in the middle of the night because I didn't know what was happening like actual screaming.
Speaker 1:Actual screaming, wow. I'll be like getting up out of the bed and I'll be walking in circles. I remember this and I'll be like what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? I was literally losing it, like something's gonna happen. Something's gonna happen to me. I was afraid of absolutely everything and you didn't know where it was coming from. Well, in my head I was like this is postpartum right. Is this what this is Like? Is this my anxiety?
Speaker 1:Is this the fear? Is this like? At this point I also got spiritual. Is this the enemy just taking hold of me right now, like what is happening, yeah yeah your mind was in the blender. Yeah, I was just out of it. And of course, your body cannot function without sleep. So on the third day I ended up in the ER and they were asking me like so what's the problem? And I was like I just can't sleep.
Speaker 3:You know I heard that well, a couple things that I want to mention. So I heard that you a person's likely to die faster From no sleep than from like no food or water so, like sleep is important, it's very important yeah especially water. Water you can go for, for I mean food. I think you can go for a minute, but water is important. Man so quick.
Speaker 1:I think water is like maybe a week. I think food is like three months. Yeah, you can be without and sleep. I think it's like probably I was right there, yeah probably you were on the verge.
Speaker 3:You need to get put under, because I was gonna ask you so. From when you had the baby till you started having these symptoms, how long was that like? When did you have Lucas and then?
Speaker 1:so Lucas was born December 15th and I will say a month. A month. Like in, it affected me, so it like it hit me really hard. So since I ended up in the ER, they obviously gave me the nice drugs that they have and I was able to sleep.
Speaker 3:Listen those. Those be hitting different too.
Speaker 1:I think it was valine or something and she was like I can't prescribe you this because I'm scared you're gonna overdose yourself. Because I think she knew. She obviously asked like why is this happening? She's like I just gave birth and I think she knew and she, I think actually she said okay, so it sounds like it was part of depression anxiety, so I'm not gonna give you this medication. Because I think she was really scared that.
Speaker 3:I was just like so did you sleep in the ER that you took the medication home to go like sleep afterwards.
Speaker 1:No, I slept for a little bit there, but it, you know it came in really drowsy like it, like lifted on my mood too. It was weird. It was a very good medication I really liked it.
Speaker 3:They know what to give you when you go there. It was really nice.
Speaker 1:I was like wow, this feels good. Can I take this every day, but I think that's the right.
Speaker 3:You know what? Maybe they were right. Maybe they were right not to give you a medication because you would have went to sleep forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it was just that one night and then the struggle started. After that, you know, the medication were off and I was like that's I do again. So it was really tough and because everything was new you know me being a new mom and oh dear, of course, like which is your husband.
Speaker 3:Yeah, shout out a deer. Yeah, let's go, papa, which I'll see you here soon. Yeah, hopefully, hopefully. We're gonna talk about tears experience from that Outside, looking in. That's what I need to know.
Speaker 2:You probably know it was, you can tell you his okay, but everything was new.
Speaker 1:We definitely affected us a lot as a marriage. To like new marriage in a way was like probably be married for like a year or so at the time. So he didn't know what to do and of course I can't blame him. At the time I did a blame him. I'm like what do you mean? You don't know what to do. Yeah you're supposed to know what to do like, help me, you're the man.
Speaker 3:You're the man. Find a solution Fix it.
Speaker 1:But now of course I look back and I'm like of course I wouldn't have no one to do either. Everything was new postpartum, the baby newly weds, like just new. So the easiest solution, or fastest I guess, was me going back to my mom's house, and it had to happen, and my mom was scared for me too, so she's like I rather have you here with me because of yours going back to work, right, so you cannot be alone with a baby.
Speaker 3:Okay, so did you move back to your mom's house that we were saying?
Speaker 1:I did. I moved back to my mom's house. My room was still there, so she's like welcome back.
Speaker 3:I knew you'd be back right with the baby.
Speaker 1:So because I was struggling so much with resting and stuff in my anxiety, I, my mom, was like you know what? I'm gonna take care of Lucas. So she, like she, decided to, I guess, just take over completely.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so Lucas was at my mom's room the whole time a parent's room and I will be in my room. They're just like looking at the ceiling, like Not knowing what to do with my life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's kind of depressing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was. It was really sad. And it was sad because I will be there in my room and I will listen Lucas cry and I'll hear my mom, you know, like feeding him and everything, and then she'll go and check on me. So it was like a process, I will say, of two intense months, like it was just two months, like of just constantly her, like just focusing on Lucas but also checking on me in the middle of the night, because I was like pretty much another baby at that point.
Speaker 1:At that point I felt like another baby. I felt like a little girl, like I can't sleep. I'm afraid I have anxiety and she will be like what are you thinking? What's going on? You need something like. She was like literally afraid that she was losing her daughter, like mentally in a way, she was afraid of that and I was afraid too. I was like when is this gonna be over? It's gonna help that. I was very impatient too, you know. I wanted a quick fix and that doesn't happen.
Speaker 1:And I was getting even more angry like why is this happening to me? I just gave birth. Like I think this is a punishment. What did I do wrong? Why me? Like I will tell that to my mom like why is? This happening to me and that's when it also got even more spiritual and I was like God doesn't like me, you know like.
Speaker 1:God is against me and she's like don't say that. And she's like and I will be like. Yes, he is against me, he doesn't like me, like. Then why is he making me go through this? Why do I have to go through this?
Speaker 1:like wasn't it enough when this happened to me or when that happened to me, and now this why? So of course, she will be like just praying over me and be like it's gonna get better, don't worry. What do you need, what do you want? And I was like I don't want to be here. You know, it got to the point I do not want to be here. She will see me and like any every other day, I remember like she will be like okay, so how is it going? I don't want to be here.
Speaker 3:And you say you don't want to be here is you don't want to be living.
Speaker 1:Yes, I want it. Like I don't want to be here, I don't want this life, I don't need this like and I will be like. I remember also, like talking to a deer and telling him like you'll be good, you'll be great on your own, you'll be a great dad. And he's like what are you talking about? That's not gonna happen. And then he's like where's your mom? And she's right here, she's right here. And then he's like okay, I'm to making sure that you're not alone, because I was surrounded by my mom so my family in general, which is a good thing that I was surrounded by the right people during those times.
Speaker 3:That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 1:I was like your close family members need to be there for you because it's a good thing that I wasn't alone and the apartment while the deer was working, you know. And so she was right when she said I think it's the best if you come over and I can keep an eye on you because she works from home, so I can definitely keep an eye on her.
Speaker 3:Gotcha nah for real man. So how did you say it lasted two months and how did you start coming out of it?
Speaker 1:It was intense two months. Eventually we found a good therapist. Her last name is Guzman and she was amazing. She's Colombian and I was able to click with her instantly, as soon as I had my first appointment with her and I explained everything to her. You know everything that happened to me, like because I was so frustrated about me trying out, because I talked to other therapists previous to her, and like even psychiatrist, but I don't feel like they were helping me much, because I feel like usually what they do, they try to know your story, but they just go too much around the circle and I'm like, can we just get to the point? Because I'm like I'm here to like get to the point and you tell me or give me advice or tell me what to do. And with this lady, she heard my story but she was never regimental and she was very understanding. Also, she was a mom herself.
Speaker 3:So I guess that helped too.
Speaker 1:So, talking it out, even though I felt miserable sometimes going there, it helped me a lot. And she recommended also taking medication and I was like, can we just try to do therapy and then I'll figure the rest out? And she'll be like, okay, fine, so that's how, that's what happened. I had to be, I guess, very strong minded and be like I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it with therapy, I am gonna start praying or something. I have to do something. So I remember I started praying even though I was remember I said I was angry at God.
Speaker 1:But then I was like saying, like maybe I should do the opposite, maybe I shouldn't be that angry at God. So then I started praying and then I started reading Bible verses, things that apply to me. Of course, I wasn't reading the whole Bible, I was just reading things that apply maybe to anxiety or maybe to feeling like angry or depressed, which is usually the book of Psalms. That helps you with that.
Speaker 1:So I focused on that. I even I remember listening to like sermons online. So all of that, even though, like I said, even if I was getting like maybe four hours of sleep or like three hours, or maybe I really had a very bad night, I will continuously do that. Because then, since I started thinking that it was more kind of like a spiritual thing because it can happen when I realized I maybe could have been a spiritual thing, then I decided to just get closer to God and decided that maybe this is just the enemy testing me out or something. Something's happening.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think it could be from like since you were already getting, you know, let's say from like the postpartum right depression or anxiety that you had when you were getting hit by all of that. Then your mental, your spiritual, your physical got really low, everything got really low. You know what I mean. So then the enemy might have used other things to attack you.
Speaker 3:I think he did To, for you to be angry at God, you know to even be like why me, when the Bible always talks about the different, like be always be grateful, doesn't matter where you're at, but always be grateful. Right, I got a question for you. Do you feel like that? And now that we're talking about the spiritual Rimmel things, did you feel like that built your character? Like, did you feel like that made you a better person? You know the struggle that you went to and if so, how? Like what? Do you feel like you got, you gained, or maybe you learn from that experience?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I honestly I feel like I've been through different trials, like through my whole life in a way, and to me, out of all of the trials, this was the greatest one.
Speaker 3:This is the biggest one, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm going to say, like some people might think, like how did this get you closer to God? I'm like he did believe it or not, because he works like that.
Speaker 3:He uses anything to work to his favor.
Speaker 1:You know, we might not understand. Yeah, we might not understand it at that, at that point. But once I guess you're out of that, you know like that hurricane, those problems or issues or whatnot, then that's when, um, that's when he's like there, he's like in the midst of your storm in a way.
Speaker 1:So I feel like I did get closer to him and after I was out of this storm, it made me realize that it was all for his glory. Maybe he wanted me to use this story or my experience to maybe like share it with others, or inspire others, or like make them realize, you know, like it's not the end of the world.
Speaker 1:Uh, postpartum, like yes, it's really tough, but if you're obviously surrounded by good people and you know they're there for you, and you have the support system that you need and that you continue to have faith and pray you will be able to come out of it, even if at that moment, you think like no, I'm not. You know, this is impossible, I'm never going to get out of this hole, which is what I thought. I'm never going to get out of this hole, like it's just like impossible, like what is what's going to happen? Like something's going to happen to me. I really thought like this is it, this is the end.
Speaker 3:And when you're low in life, it really hits you like that. It really hits you with the. You feel like you never see the other side. You feel like you're never going to get over that hump or whatever storm you're going through. And I think this is where I mean the Bible talks about it all the time where, like this is where faith is built. Like it's easy to have faith when everything is going great for you, but what about when you hit bottom and everything is going the opposite way? How do you react? And that's where your character will be built. This is where your faith will be built, because now you have stories I was, I share, I share something like this along the lines of I think of my on my Instagram stories, one of those things like a part of like a month ago or so, where, like, I think it's something along the lines of you know, when you suffer or when you go through struggles, like it makes you more like Jesus.
Speaker 3:So like when you look at it that way that you are kind of resembling what Jesus went through or what he did and it gets you closer to him, then it's like you look at different perspective. You know what I mean and like that is kind of also comforting too, because at the end of his time, jesus, when he was about to be crucified, I mean he was bleeding out of his skin and he was so petrified kind of feeling the same fears and issues that we suffer.
Speaker 3:You know, what I mean and that's like very comforting because like this is a man who was perfect his whole life and he still suffered even more than we did. Who are we not to like be grateful for that, or like be grateful and like appreciate that journey? You know what?
Speaker 1:I mean, and it's through the Bible too. Even you know Jesus was tested or tempted and many other people in the Bible were tested in a way like I think that what is it? Job?
Speaker 3:Yeah, job as well. Yeah, you read his story.
Speaker 1:It's like this man how much can he handle?
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 1:I think I remember, I think I read some of that when I was going through it and I'm like, damn, he went through it a lot and here I am, but I'm also going through a lot. So but you're right, and it definitely made me stronger and it made me realize that God is in control and I know a lot of people say that, but at the time because I was so anxious and depressed. I think you get anxiety when you feel like you're in control. I'm in control of this. So it's up to me if I live today or it's up to me if, like you know anything like I'm trying to control things that we can't really control.
Speaker 1:You know, God actually decides. This is your last day. I'm so sorry. Like that's it, You're coming with me. It is where it is. It helped me to also let go of that control that I struggled with so much because, my fear was like what if I'm gone, Then who's going to take care of Lucas? Or maybe it's best if I'm gone. You know, it was like contradicting myself all the time.
Speaker 1:And then God showed me like no, I am in control, you're going to be fine. And like just let me be and let me work in you, you know, and in like months after that, I remember I joined this Bible study with two other women and it was great and the funny part is that, as like I said before, like God works in mysterious ways, the Bible study was about when God doesn't want to fix it, or like when he doesn't want to fix it, like the problem.
Speaker 1:That was pretty much the whole Bible study. I was like really the Bible study is called when he doesn't fix it? And I was like that is crazy. I mean, I was getting better, but sometimes, you know, maybe when you get hit with diseases and something like that, you start questioning that. Like why doesn't he want to heal me, why doesn't he want to fix this, why and like I said, he can be using your story to share to others your testimony to increase.
Speaker 1:Yeah, increase your faith and maybe, if he doesn't do it here on this earth, he's going to do it in heaven. One way or another, he's going to heal you. It might not be here in your time here, but it might be in heaven. That's how I see it.
Speaker 3:I feel like you're talking to me right now, bro, because I have to literally battle those. I have to go through those fights myself, like. So just to just open up a little, bit.
Speaker 3:So I've always told myself right because I've been dealing from health issues and you've done your own health issues and even you know mental or physical, but myself I've dealt with you know both as well. And one of the things that you have to remember is like sometimes you don't know if God would heal me like what if his purpose is not for me to be healed on, you know, for the rest of my life, and accepting that, as a human being and so hard because you have to accept living a life of struggles and you know health issues and you know those health.
Speaker 3:Health issues cause other issues to come along and things just keep piling on like a snowball effect. And along that journey you still have to continue your faith and still love Jesus right, and he teaches us to. There's the saying seek the healer and not the healing. So we still have to love him for who he is and love him not for what he can do for you, but who he was when he sacrificed his own son for us. And that is like it's a mixture of things and a mixture of emotions, because that makes sense, but at the same time you're like, because we're humans, we're selfish, we want to be better, we want to be healthy. We are yeah exactly.
Speaker 3:We want things to happen. You want things to happen like Lord, I've been doing better, I've been doing good, like, why is not happening? You know, and some of the questions you probably won't answer until you know the day we meet them, and that's, it's sad, but again, that's faith.
Speaker 1:That's literally faith and you can be really confusing in your head too Like oh, so this is why you did it. Or maybe you realize down the line, maybe when you're 80, you're like, oh, this is why this happened.
Speaker 1:Or he took like him 25 years for for you know, this disease to get away from me or whatever it is. And I remember this clearly because I think I was reading some like about depression and anxiety, like why just he doesn't take depression from certain people, because some people have clinical depression or like clinical anxiety and they really have to be on meds every single day because it's definitely necessary. It's not like a temporary thing, like it was in my case, fortunately, Right.
Speaker 1:And you just have to accept it. It's like having diabetes you know you have to take your insulin if you have diabetes, depending on the type that you have, but just like just like people with diabetes, people with mental health issues is the same thing, you know, and he might not take it away, but at least there is a solution on this earth at the moment for you to like carry on. But it is difficult to try to understand why. You know God allows certain things in your life and why do we have to go through so much pain?
Speaker 1:And that's when the book of Psalms really helps, because, of course, where's it? David? David, I think, is the one who wrote the book of Psalms.
Speaker 3:I don't even know that one. I think it's David. I don't know that one.
Speaker 1:It's not Paul, it has to be David. He went through a lot and it was the book of Psalms. Is a little bit confusing too, because when you read some verses they're kind of like glorifying God, and then some other verses seems like he's really angry. So David goes through it.
Speaker 1:He's like really like praising God. And then he goes through moments in where he's like it seems like he's really angry at him, like why are you making me go through this, why are my enemies against me? Or just all these things. And then another verse oh Lord, you're wonderful, you're magnificent, everything is amazing. And he goes like that through the whole book, and that's literally how I feel.
Speaker 3:Isn't that like human emotions? Yeah, that's what. I'm saying it's like isn't like us, though.
Speaker 1:I love you Lord. It's going great. Oh my gosh, why is this happening to me now? What is wrong?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I feel like that's literally us though. Like even in the Bible, for people who are really, you know, even people who are in the Bible itself. They really had to go through the same things we're going through you know, and some of even more than we did and feel like we can relate to some of them. But at the same time, like I, feel like the emotions. It's like natural human emotions. Sometimes we praise God and sometimes we're like yo. Come on, man.
Speaker 1:Like what are we doing?
Speaker 3:What's happening. You know what I mean. And, by the way, mentioning the book of Job, if you're struggling or going through a lot of like health issues or just in a dark place in your head, read the book of Job, because that man went through it ladies and gentlemen, and at the end of the day, I don't want to spoil it for you, but God pulled through and he did.
Speaker 1:I think it was tested right.
Speaker 3:No, he was tested, so the enemy?
Speaker 1:I think it was angry about that because God allowed that to test him and I think I got angry when I read that you guys like so.
Speaker 3:So in the book of Job and I've read it myself too, for because, obviously, because I've gone through a lot of issues too and you want to you want to kind of want to relate to what's going on, but yeah, so the enemy came to the Lord and basically told them the only reason Job praises you the way he does and he loves you the way he does because you've given him everything. You have his beautiful family you had. He has excessively amount of money, farm animals, I mean, he has the life, a perfect family. And God was like I'll prove you wrong, that's not the case. He was like you can do anything. So he told the devil you can do anything to him except take his life, because obviously, only God, but almost took his life.
Speaker 1:He wanted to end. I mean, he pretty much wanted his life to end, in a way.
Speaker 3:Who? Because Job, because of all the struggles that he went through, correct, but just actually taking his life, the God was like you can't take his actual physical life, like you're not allowed to do it, but you can do whatever you want to him. And imagine that, imagine that God given the enemy permission to just do whatever he pleases with you, oh my God. And then obviously read the rest of the story, because, God, he went through it with his friends too.
Speaker 3:See this is the difficult part too, though. When we go through issues, you need the right people to be there for you. Like you say, like your mom in that situation with you.
Speaker 1:She was like my saving grace at the time and of course, my family, but my mom. I've always been very close to my mom, so at the time I don't feel like I would have done it if she would have not been there for me. You have to have the right people and I'd just be surrounded by people, because usually tell you like you're depressed. Go out and hang out with people. No, the right kind of people. Not just any people Like you can't go clubbing because you're depressed.
Speaker 1:That's not gonna help you, that's not gonna fill your spirit, that's not gonna uplift you. You have to be with someone who's you know giving you good advice and like even the spiritual advice can help Any kind of but like making sure that they're gonna be there for you all the way and not just give up on you because you're just being too much. You can't deal with you, so bye.
Speaker 3:Yeah, people that love you, man, people that just love you and that really just care for you. And there is obviously you gotta keep your family around, maybe like really close friends. Other than that, like I get it, those moments are really tough and sometimes you don't even want them to say anything, you just want them to be there for you.
Speaker 3:You know, you don't have to say just know that just as long as you're there, you know, kind of as a source for maybe fighting for them, fighting for things. So is there anything else that you wanna touch on the postpartum topic that maybe you wanna share, any advice that you'll give to a woman that's going through something like this or who have and stuff like that? And I was gonna ask you are you afraid to get pregnant again and go through that same thing again?
Speaker 1:I was gonna actually. You just reminded me that I was gonna mention that.
Speaker 3:I got you. That's why I'm here.
Speaker 1:So it's definitely a very I don't know. It's uncomfortable when people ask me like, oh, so you're gonna have another child. Like you know, you want to get pregnant again. And my answer right now, up until this point because Lucas was born in 2021, december, and it's what? January, no, february 2024, I have not changed my mind. And it's been like, look, I went through postpartum depression and I went through it.
Speaker 1:Like it was difficult. I think I could say like it took a good I will say like good six months for me to be like okay, I can do it, I'm gonna be okay. I still have my little struggles, but I can say six months like in the year of 2022, it was like six months of me like trying to get better. So it's just that fear, you know that fear of like what if this happens again? I'm not ready to do this again, like, oh my gosh, it was horrible the first time, even though my pregnancy was very smooth.
Speaker 1:Or there's that chance that you might not get postpartum depression, because it can happen you might have it with the first child, but you don't have it with the second one, but then you have it again with the third one. So it kind of fluctuates. I have friends that they told me they had postpartum, that three times they got pregnant, and I'm like how do you do it? Like how did you manage to even go on the third one after you had it the first and the second time? So right now, no, I don't think. I think I am not mentally prepared yet to even like having our child In my head. I'm like no, like I just think about those times and it seems like, oh, I was in 2022. It still feels kind of recent in a way.
Speaker 3:No, it's not that long, yeah, years in a turn. Plus it's trauma. It is trauma. Yeah, trauma is hard.
Speaker 1:I think it turned into trauma because after we went through it, not even my mom wanted to talk about it. She was like, okay, let's change the subject, let's not talk about that.
Speaker 3:She probably thought you were gonna go spiral back into it too. Then she's gonna have all those memories.
Speaker 1:She's like oh man taking care of her every single night now again, and she was like, yeah, let's just not talk about it, let's just forget about it. And I was like, okay, so even up until this point, you know, maybe we'll talk about it. Or like they touched the subject of, like Jasmine remember how she went through that and my mom is like, yeah, let's just forget.
Speaker 3:Dang. I don't blame her, man, Because I mean seeing your child like that and then also having to, you know, just look out after you. That must have been difficult for her too, you know, Because there's nothing she could have really done, you know, like to just help you.
Speaker 1:It was definitely heartbreaking because I wish I would have been there. You know those, I guess, first three, four months with Lucas. You know me being the one who's there for him every time. He'll wake up every three hours or whatnot, but it was my mom, of course. She's sleep trained him for me, so I was blessed. So when the time came for me to go back to my place, he was good, like he was sleeping through the night. I got that positive side of it.
Speaker 3:What would you think would have happened if, for example, say, you have nobody and your mom is not helping you? Like what if your mom didn't help you with Lucas for those months?
Speaker 1:I don't know that's scary. I don't know what would have happened. I like what do you think? Like you have?
Speaker 3:a baby crying. I know you're going through it mentally and like the more he keeps crying and he needs you. You need the Lord, you need everybody, you need love you need.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I would have had to reach either. Like you know, there's family members there or like just call my mom if she was maybe in Peru at the time, out of being like you need to be here now. Like. I don't know what you need to do, or I go over there. Something needs to happen. Because even though I was going through it, it's not like I wasn't thinking, I was just like I need help. At least I was like you were conscious of that.
Speaker 1:I was conscious of that. I was like I need help. I'm not doing well, I need support. I need anything right now, even like if, if, if we were even in another state, maybe if I would have given birth in Philly I was thinking about that too. Imagine me going through that in Philly, far away from all friends, all family. Then I probably would have had to go back to Georgia or maybe reach the church, something you would have done something. The hospital something. Gotcha, because I think they do that. I don't know.
Speaker 3:I mean. So I'm sure somebody would have helped you, though, If you actually reached. Just got to look for that.
Speaker 1:I would have been like here at Carl's.
Speaker 3:All right. Time to play Color Duty, my boy, time to play a video game. Look us, let me teach you a thing or two. You came to the right place. We got a movie room. We can watch movies here. I don't know Coco Mellon and her was popular. I don't know Doris around, but we're going to watch something, my boy, but my mom was like thinking about that too.
Speaker 1:She's like imagine if you would have stayed in Philly, you know. And she's like well, that didn't happen, mom, god knows why that didn't happen. I think he knew in a way, god knows everything he probably already knew that I was going to get hit with postpartum depression anxiety. So because the idea was initially for me to give birth in Philly and my mom was like no, how about you come to Georgia and then you give birth again. So everything changed and I'm glad that's how it went.
Speaker 3:I'm glad for you too, because that sounds really bad. It sounds like a really bad case, especially not a mental state like that. Is there anything that you want to say to like the like I know? Like again, like a low, original question, like any tips or advice that you have for like a woman that goes through that or listens to your story. What do you think would help them, or maybe that helped you I mean, I guess we talked about it here already like the Lord and your family members, yeah, but you know, sometimes, of course that's not enough.
Speaker 1:Of course, of course, in my case, I was reluctant to take medication, but when I, there was other medication that I tried as well, not the one that she, you know, she gave me sertraline, I think that's the name of that medication. But then I tried Lexa Pro, which I think is more popular. In a way that one made me feel like I was on a deeper hole. So I definitely felt that's when the suicidal thoughts came into. So then I was like you know what? No, you know, this is not working for me, and sometimes it's like it's trial, test and trial too. It's just it's trying out and trying out until something fits for you.
Speaker 1:So if you really feel like you need a medication, of course you're gonna have to be patient, though you have to be patient, because that one medication might not be good for you, it might not do the right things for you, it might make you feel worse, and then there's a right medication and then it might make you feel better. But sometimes it takes like six different kinds of meds and then you have to start and wait, you know or them to start working on you slowly, but I definitely recommend a very strong support group and therapy, like I feel, like I can emphasize how much therapy helped you, so seek help basically.
Speaker 3:Seek something that you feel like can't get to. Do not be alone.
Speaker 1:Do not stay alone Like if you're struggling with it, especially if it's postpartum. Do not stay alone with your baby, especially if you're feeling angry, and especially if you're feeling angry towards your baby. That was not my case. I never wanted to hurt him or nothing.
Speaker 3:So there have been cases like that before.
Speaker 1:There's cases like that, in where the mom just doesn't like their child. They don't want to see their child. They pretty much just want to get rid of their child too, and those are very severe cases.
Speaker 3:Wow, holy smokes, get rid of the baby.
Speaker 1:Yes, so that's really scary and I think I've seen it more now on TikTok. Like more experiences of women going to yeah or like yeah, more women talking about or being more open about, or even sad news of, like just their mom getting rid of her children and that's really sad and themselves too. Not just their children, but themselves too.
Speaker 3:So hurting, even hurting themselves, yeah.
Speaker 1:So when they get to that case, I even feel like a person should be lonely on therapy. Maybe they even need to be admitted into a hospital just to make sure they're stabilized. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Gotcha.
Speaker 1:I think those are more severe cases, Like when you feel like you want to hurt yourself and others and the rest.
Speaker 3:I think it's time to feel like you might have been behind that stage like one step lower, like because the way you're making a sound it feels, seems.
Speaker 1:I mean I was close to that. I mean I was ready to admit myself in a way, right, but that didn't happen. I mean I was close. What I mean by close is like I was there in front of that hospital.
Speaker 3:Right Like that.
Speaker 1:Oh dear took me. And then he regretted it because they locked everything out, they locked us in and he was like what's happening? I was like I don't know. And then he's like we can't leave and I was like, nope, we can't Now, we can't Now, we're both stuck. And then he waited for it in there and he's like I think we don't need this anymore, we can go.
Speaker 3:Oh, man. So okay, and I have another question for you, and talking about it here because you know he's your husband. So, as a man, what do you think husbands can do for us to help the situation when it comes to you know, let's say, for example, our future spouse or, you know, when they have a baby? Yeah, we just don't know what this is. What is it that you think that man can do to facilitate things for the wife to help in any way? What do you think in your experience would have been like the best thing that a man could do? Cause I would love to learn that. I would love to learn that one day, especially if I experience it, and I'm sure a lot of men who are listening could help from that. So what do you think? That's something that we could do as men in that situation, or maybe there isn't anything we can do, because I would love to hear your side of things.
Speaker 1:I mean, you are gonna try to do the right things but because of the mental health state of your spouse or girlfriend or whatnot, you might think like I'm just not solving nothing Because she's probably gonna try to block all your health, like in my case. I don't know. I feel like it's very important first, if you're a man of faith that you have that strong foundation there, because it will really come in handy.
Speaker 1:Like I feel like if you can just sit with her and maybe just pray with her, even if maybe she's crying or angry at you or telling you like get away from me, like I don't want your prayers right now, just pray. Right Just sit with her and pray, and just allow her to tell you what's actually going on in her head.
Speaker 3:So listen.
Speaker 1:Maybe ask her questions like okay, so what are you thinking? Because those are the things that my mom asked me. She would be like okay, you're afraid, you have anxiety. What exactly are you thinking? There's something has to be. Your brain is not empty brain is a spiraling right now. So what are you thinking? What is happening? Even if it's the most horrible thought, just let me know. So that helped a lot because it's like it's not longer in your brain. You're actually saying it to someone and not making the other person feel ashamed.
Speaker 1:If the maybe your wife or whoever says I don't know, I'm thinking about like ending things, like I want to end my life or I hate our son right now, or our daughter, whatever it is. I feel like it's very important to just be open-minded and realize, okay, she's going through something, her hormones are out of balance right now. You know it's a huge adjustment to having a newborn and whatnot. So, being very open-minded, asking her questions like what is exactly that's bothering you? What are you thinking? What are you truly afraid of? And praying or reading even certain Bible verses together will definitely help a lot and just show that support. You know I'm gonna be here with you, no matter what, there's no judgment, even if you are hating me right now, or you hate our kid right now, or you hate yourself right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because that definitely helps.
Speaker 1:I feel like women like to express their emotions a lot and they like to talk and they like to take it out, whereas, man, I feel like they internalize things. So I feel like during those moments I just wanted to, like, say stuff, and I remember that. I remember I just wanted to tell my mom this is what's happening, this is what I'm thinking, or I don't feel good, or I'm having this thought. Now she would just listen and listen, and listen, and sometimes that's all it takes, but also kind of like guiding her, you know, like-.
Speaker 3:Still leading her.
Speaker 1:Right, like maybe telling her like you know what we need to find your help. So we're gonna go I don't know through the therapist together or we're gonna go to the doctor and we're gonna see what's gonna work for you. We have to be very patient.
Speaker 3:Yeah, patience is that's definitely you have to be very patient because it's like.
Speaker 1:It's like if you, if you someone, had cancer, you can't just be like you know, get the chemo, get over it, it'll be okay, Right nah.
Speaker 1:You can't be cold-hearted like that, so being patient and guiding her and leading her and realizing like it's gonna take time and you're gonna have to be very patient and just realize this might take maybe a month, two months, sometimes it's a year or two years to get out of that hole. So it's not something that's gonna be fast, it's work and I feel like it will definitely test your marriage.
Speaker 1:I feel like it definitely tests your relationship your marriage, the bond, like how strong you know it's your bond with one another, or like I guess God will test it in being like you know you're supposed to be there for the person health or sick right. So are you yeah so are you gonna be really there?
Speaker 3:Yeah right.
Speaker 1:That's what I will say. Yeah, in my case it was different. Of course I didn't wanna take meds, but if you need it, do it. But therapy definitely an essential and I really hope they have the support system they need at the time.
Speaker 3:I think that's important too, and I'm glad you so, fellas, listen, be there. You know what you mentioned, I think, god being a strong foundation. I think that's good, because that's something you both can stand on, and for the man to guide you and show his leadership. You know what I read. I think this is improver. I think that when people are mourning or going through like a tough season or tough episode, you know, we always want to say the right things. As humans, and especially as men, we want to like resolve the problem, but sometimes what people need and Prober says about this is you just need to listen until the person starts talking and starts letting it out for you. You know what I mean. Just listen, just be there. You know you don't have to say, you don't always have to say the right thing or you have to solve the problem.
Speaker 1:Men like to solve problems all the time. We do exactly. They like to put a band-aid on everything.
Speaker 3:And no, it's been listen. I give you that because, Because it's issues, Listen, and this is you know what. This is what I feel like I find beautiful about both parties, men and women. Right, that we do. We are solvers, we like to fix problems, and you know, but when we can't fix it or resolve it, it's hard for us to deal with it.
Speaker 3:We do because, especially with someone we love, because we want it to be better and we feel like we're not doing, maybe, our job about it. But again, I think we have to understand what the Bible says right, listen, be there Even if you don't understand. Talk, pray. And I think a lot of men lack those qualities because we weren't really taught that Maybe we haven't read the Bible as much.
Speaker 3:Whatever the case may be, we're wired completely different. But if we want to get closer to a spouse and even listen to you guys and understand you guys, we have to get a little bit in our emotional side, in our understanding side, like hey, you're a completely different being. So I have to try to meet you halfway to understand maybe what you're going through and you tell me what you need, and then we work from there. We pray about it, we talk about it. So I think that's important as man to and I feel like that's taking notes, man getting better, and I appreciate you saying that because who knows if in the future that could help me or help any other guy that's listening to this. That's important.
Speaker 1:Or even reach out maybe to other women who have experienced postpartum. At the time I didn't have no one, none of my friends.
Speaker 3:Can you relate to?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had no one that I could relate to that had postpartum, and it could also be the fact that they were either because they never experienced it or also because they're not even married or have a child or so. Most of them. So it's like ah man, so who do I ask To my mommy was also new and she had three children, so it was also new to her. She was like I remember being angry, but not to disappoint.
Speaker 1:So it was also new. It was new for absolutely everyone in my family. It got so deep that my whole family got involved.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 1:It was like us sitting down on the table. Let's find a solution.
Speaker 3:What's gonna help Jasmine get on this? Yeah, what's gonna?
Speaker 1:happen.
Speaker 3:So have you ever? So I wanted to talk a little bit about your writing skills and it's a good way to transition because I wanna ask you something. So you write books all the time and I've read your books, one of them. I've read some of the quotes and things you've put on there and it's really really good, like I actually like think it's great. I think you're a great writer. Have you ever thought about writing a book on this matter? Maybe you can share your experience and like to women and stuff and like what you went through. I think that would be a good idea, even if it's like a small little, I don't know anything. Have you ever thought about that?
Speaker 1:Like a few pages on postpartum, like poetry on postpartum Poetry.
Speaker 3:Basically, yeah, you can make a poetry, don't be? I didn't think about that Cause it's when I usually write.
Speaker 1:it's about I need my 5%.
Speaker 3:I saw what I'm saying hey, I need a. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Usually, when I write, you know it's about relationships, relationships that have ended.
Speaker 3:Taylor Swift vibes Pretty much.
Speaker 1:Yeah, pretty much, but I could write about postpartum now that you mention it.
Speaker 3:I think you should, and you know what. There's groups on like Facebook or lower, the place that you can join and be like hey guys, like I have, you know GERD and surgery. Oh, you're right, postpartum, and you can go on there and be like hey guys, I've suffered through this, it's my story. I've written this for anybody that needs help with postpartum and you would touch so many women.
Speaker 1:Like. I could do that we're gonna write a whole novel.
Speaker 3:Exactly Wait, but listen. I think it's because it's a big part of your life and I'm sure that if you went through it that deep, there is other women that have gone through it just as much as you have If not, if not even more and maybe they need to hear that. They need to hear those poems, because they not only want to read the poems but hear your story and, like alongside you, will share that with them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like feel her validated, like, oh okay. She went through the same thing, or maybe, like hers, was worse, or who knows, who knows?
Speaker 3:I think that would be great. So that would be cool if you write that and I was gonna ask you, how do you go about the process of like writing a book and then even like I wanna because the reason I ask is I eventually wanna write a book of my story no-transcript, I'm a biography of like, my like what I've went through.
Speaker 1:Okay, been through. How do you go about that?
Speaker 3:I think it would be pretty cool.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I feel like, let's see, the decision came in 2019. Of course, everything came before.
Speaker 3:There is a before and after the pandemic right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, the first part came after, but before the pandemic I was like, actually even through college I remember like my mom was constantly telling me again my mom, yeah, she's like Jasmine, like I see that you have all of his journals, all of his writings. I read some of them. Maybe you should make it into a little book. And I was like, yeah, I mean I don't know who, like who's gonna read that? Like it's so silly, cuz. Some of them I wrote when I was like I was telling you like 16, 17, 18, 19, like that's a teenager.
Speaker 1:Of course, some of them I wrote when I was older, but I Was just like who's gonna be interested in that? And then I was like maybe some of them were too cringy. But eventually she convinced me. So I decided to sit one day and I was like you know what, let me look at my journals and let me pick, because of course there's so many things I've written. But I was like let me look at my journals and pick the ones that I like the most. They're not so cringy, they don't mention names, they're not so obvious to people when they read it. If the person that I wrote about you know, we'd sit they might, might not know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:So that's what I did. I first collected all of the book, all of my journals. I read them all. I picked the ones that I like best. Then I started to do like some research on it. I was just like okay, so now how do I make the book? Right because I can just put it easily on word and I'm like and then what next?
Speaker 3:that's what I'm wondering how do you, how did you?
Speaker 1:have to do. You have to learn about like formatting, like I had to. Youtube was my pretty much my teacher.
Speaker 3:I had to shout out YouTube.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had to search on like how to format, you know, like the measurements of the page. So when the pages print it comes out like the size of the book. Okay so there was had to go through the whole tutorial on that and, honestly, amazon is good at doing that, because I did it through KDP publishing.
Speaker 3:I heard Amazon can do that for you. Yes, and it's free.
Speaker 1:Yeah it's free and since it was my first book, I was like I'm just gonna go ahead and do it. And they have all this videos also on YouTube. So they have all these tutorials how to format like the page and how to do the cover. They make it very easy for you. They have like this free program in where you can just Upload your book and then they tell you, okay, now up below the cover, and he tells you this is exactly how it's going to look when he prints. So if it looks blurry on the screen and your computer is gonna look blurry when he prints, you know. Obviously they earn.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a little royalty from royalties, I think. I think it's 25%, I don't know they are something it's better than, but I think from you not doing any work, that's not. I don't think that's a bad idea.
Speaker 1:It was mainly the formatting part, but the cover I did it myself so that the flowers see. I drew that with my iPad and then I use Photoshop.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's dope.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it can fit the KDP, I'm telling you, jasmine, you got talent girl.
Speaker 3:You need to put your work out there somewhere you can. You need to keep Working on that, because I'm telling you, I've read some of what you wrote in Spanish and it's good, man, like it's fire.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you and I'm not just happy.
Speaker 3:Cry. No, it's good because I was telling you. It makes me when I read that it's like, it makes me want to send that to somebody special like, and I was like I worked at those minuto's.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you're like oh my god, I shared that on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3:I read so. So I read that and I was like Don't so good. No, but that was good, though Kind of remind me of like a rev descominute, whatever, but yeah.
Speaker 1:I was a teenager. Listen listening to that and writing my poems, see, and.
Speaker 3:I saw that and I was like that's really good man, that's so I think, personally that you keep going with that and you know what, whenever I need help, I like come back to you because I really want to write a book and I Really want to get novel like out of.
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't know how I want to do it. I want to do it to a point where it's nothing big, but I do want to share my story and like the issues that I've gone through, but alongside share, share like Bible verses that pertain to that time and period, you know, like how that pertains and how that relates to it, and then kind of just Keep it going that way and then make it like you know, I've been suffering from hell, like really deep else is you for about like a decade or so. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:So, maybe, maybe, like I want to hit like a decade, like kind of release that and making a small book like you did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I think it was like what, 115 pages Maybe.
Speaker 3:I have. Not poems, though I don't want to do polka. I can't do that, I suck.
Speaker 1:I tried, I tried, but I'm working on one that you're asking about. That, too, I think it's gonna be called your love and farewell, and that's poems that I written also in 2019, 2018. So it's not. I wasn't a teenager anymore.
Speaker 1:So, I think I like those better in a way. But I mean I have it there, it's just they're waiting. But the difference is that I don't want to do it through KDP publishing, I think I want to actually. You actually have to like when I did my research, you can spend up to five thousand dollars trying to publish a book by you. You know, with someone that's gonna support you and you have the editor and everything else right.
Speaker 1:It's a lot of work and people prove reading your stuff. That's if you obviously wanted to see it in Barnasignoval. You wanted to potentially get it to be a New York Times bestseller. You have to invest maybe 1k to 5k max. I think 5k is if you also hire illustrator to hire to.
Speaker 3:Illustrate picks it up too, though right, somebody picks it up because you know, sometimes you want illustrations with poetry.
Speaker 1:I've noticed that some people like illustrations on every page, like Rupika where, which is really she's really great with her poems like what's like milk and honey, one of her books.
Speaker 3:I think I've heard of that before actually milk and honey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she has way more than that, but I just sounds delicious too. Yeah, her, her book is amazing. That poetry book inspired me a lot too but, it is an investment if you want it to be like Big you know, and I think that's why I'm being a little bit more selfish with it. I'm like, okay, I have the pages Now. It's like the investment, you know you have to invest. Make sure that, of course, they're not gonna take advantage of you either or, like you know, like steal your stuff right because that can happen.
Speaker 1:You have to find the proper yeah, the proper team and you go to these pages and you search online. Like you know, publishers are so many pages and sometimes it tells you the deadline is over, try again in November. Like the deadline is closed. They open it again in November for certain publishers.
Speaker 3:I need, I need to look into that. I feel like publishing a book.
Speaker 1:It's it takes time, it's a whole process. I need to start writing it first and then they team you up with someone and they're like okay, you guys, I guess you work together on it, and I think that's when it kind of starts your writing career, I guess. And then I guess from there, you know, they kind of motivate you and tell you okay, so when is your next one? You next one and like, okay, we're gonna keep going.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I get you so for the people out there that even want to read, if you kind of guys are interested in Spanish, I'm a link you still doing on Amazon, right, the book that I have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so still there.
Speaker 3:So I'm a link, the I'm gonna put the link on the description of the video, if you guys want to. Buy it by the book. It's all in Spanish, but I think it's very beautiful and it's really really good and I'm also gonna share it on on my story, so whenever the the episode releases. So hopefully people can show you some love and they like to read, you know, and I think Hopefully inspires you to continue to write your your stuff. But I think it's good. Thank you, good, so thank you Carlos.
Speaker 3:You're welcome. It's all love. It's all love around here. Is there anything else you want to share as we close? Come to a close on this podcast today? Anything, or you feel like you're good? I.
Speaker 1:Think I'm good. Thank you good I think I I really hope I help like the girls out there. You know, with my story up on postpartum I feel like that was kind of like my goal with this episode in a way. In a way maybe they can feel identified or maybe they're going through it right now.
Speaker 1:Who knows they don't know where to go, what to do their resources are. Sometimes it can be tough to find to. I'm not gonna lie on that one Like. It's really tough, but it's really essential that you speak up to like don't like just like sit down on your anger or sadness or Anxiety.
Speaker 1:You know, speak up, say it, even if they look at you funny or whatever it is Like, just say it and be like look, I want to be better. Oh, and I think that's the first step. You know, saying like I want to feel better, because it's even hard to say that when you're feeling that way. Yeah, you just, you just want you. Sometimes you shut down in a way. So I think that's that one of the first steps. I want to feel better, or I'm not myself. Can you help me, like, even if it's like a friend from church or like just Anywhere, even if it's like an uncle or an aunt, anyone that you really you have to trust deeply and be like you need to help me, because this is what's happening and I'm not doing well and maybe they can guide you if you need to go with a person to the hospital, the doctor, the therapist, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Go with a person and and try to feel better, because you'll be thankful for yourself and for your child, gotcha.
Speaker 3:Thank you. I appreciate you being vulnerable and coming on today and sharing that and I'm sure you're gonna touch a Lot of lives. I've always told myself that if you help one person with your story, you know you've made a difference in the world, because you never know what that can translate to for that person and their family, their friends. You never know who else are gonna touch. So thank you for coming on and sharing your stories. I really appreciate you again, your transparency, your vulnerability, and then you know whenever you want to come on again, you're welcome, especially when I talk about more books.
Speaker 1:I can talk about a deer.
Speaker 3:Dear all day, every day, but we're gonna have him on soon. He can talk about himself. Then she wasn't letting me play video games, man. She was telling me she was feeling like this. I was top three. I can see this.
Speaker 1:He's always being dramatic. Yesterday, on my story, I put that sad song while he was playing. I thought it was a great time I wouldn't.
Speaker 3:I liked it because I just like the fact that he finally got a setup and it's like the screen is right here before you, just TV. I'm like you, bro, you came, I remember, I remember that, I remember all that man that was a good time, demic times dynamic times were different. Man, you know what this crazy. I always think about you, or, dear John, and Just the guys that we used to play with, against with the pandemic time, because that's all we did.
Speaker 1:I know he remembers that too. He's like alright, you remember when you were playing with, when I was playing with Carlos and you were just reading your books, and I was like, yeah, I remember that so fun, you like ignore me for like eight hours, but okay.
Speaker 3:I think that's where my postpartum comes from.
Speaker 1:I think that's my, but I did get tired of sitting, of seeing him on that chair. That's why I got him that chair.
Speaker 3:That gave me chair that he has but see, that's fire man, because I'm sure he he doesn't regret it, but I Got him that chair for balance.
Speaker 1:And then I was like you know what?
Speaker 3:maybe it's a bad idea. He's not gonna get off, he's not gonna get out of there, dad or him like stumbling on that little chair.
Speaker 1:I was like what are you doing?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't blame him. Plus, no, no, no, it's good he's stepping up with the setup. Maybe he does a little bit better now.
Speaker 1:He says he needs a new controller. Any excuse now is that controller is ahead.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's funny. Well, thank you for being here today. I appreciate you and everybody. I hope you guys like this episode. I hope that you guys enjoyed it. Don't forget that we are on YouTube and this video is in recorded in 4k so you can watch it and it's, you know, great quality. Don't forget to like, subscribe, turn on the notifications so whenever I post the video, you're the first one to get the notifications and if you're listening, of course, thank you guys for the people who have followed my podcast on Spotify, apple, apple podcast and Amazon music. Thank you guys for all the love and we will see you guys next time. Take care of each other. Peace and love, baby, and thank you just for being here. Thank you, thank you, see you guys.